After a debut that would be charitably described as poor, Fox Sports will air next week’s US Open (after next week only 10 more years of this dirge) from Oakmont CC in western Pennsylvania. Greg Norman is no longer their main analyst, however Paul Azinger will step into the booth alongside Joe Buck. I suppose this will be a good time to point out they’ve never worked together covering a major championship (Azinger did, however, work at ABC/ESPN in a 3-man booth with Nick Faldo and Mike Tirico and a 2-man booth with Tirico). Here’s their new promo…see if you notice anything:
Other than Spieth and McIlroy, none of the people they showed are playing. So the ad seems to say “tune in and see none of these golfers” which sounds a brilliant idea. While the theme music was really good, I had something in mind more appropriate to their broadcasting expertise, or how I picture people going to their production meetings.
In that vein, if you tune in to watch, you’re going to need something to keep you going, and your faithful scribe has just the thing you need…a drinking game! Yup, I’m dusting off the old and tired hack-worthy bit and creating your very own U.S. Open on Fox Drinking Game (the Oakmont 2016 version). As always, drink responsibly, but if you don’t, then at least have a sober friend drive you to your AA meeting because drinking and driving isn’t cool.
Take 1 drink (sip) every time the following happen:
-Someone on the air refers to it as a tournament, and not a championship.
-Joe Buck correctly pronounces Centenario.
-A retired former Pittsburgh-area pro athlete is shown at the course wearing his team’s apparel.
-Any mentions of Tiger Woods during the broadcast.
-Any mentions of Spieth/McIlroy/Day/Mickelson during weekend coverage if they miss the cut.
-Any mentions of the Stimpmeter and how the greens are faster during Oakmont’s annual member-guest event.
-Any mentions of Paul Azinger’s 2008 Ryder Cup captaincy.
-Any mentions of Donald Trump.
-Any time there is more than 5 seconds of dead air.
Take 2 drinks (sips) every time any of the following happen:
-Fox mid-identifies what hole they’re showing.
-2 or more people are speaking at the same time on-air.
-Any mentions of Greg Norman.
-Mentions of Ernie Els winning in 1994 or Angel Cabrera winning in 2007.
-Mentions of Brad Faxon’s Ryder Cup record.
-Any mention of Tiger Woods and 18 majors (or for that matter, 18 majors).
-Any mentions of The Golf Boys video.
Take 3 drinks (sips) every time any of the following happen:
-Fox critiques the USGA course setup.
-Anyone on-air calls the USGA a group of idiots who couldn’t organize a 2-car parade.
-Any mentions of Mickelson’s gambling habits or his settlement with the SEC.
-Any mentions of Deer Antler Spray.
-Any mentions about OJ Simpson’s Bronco chase during the 2nd round of the 1994 US Open at Oakmont.
Take 4 drinks (sips) every time any of the following happen:
-Anyone says “Mike Davis is a turd wrangling asshole” on-air.
-Someone asks “why are we covering this event?” on-air.
-Anyone says “you know what would make this better…glow-pucks!”
-Someone on-air refers to the local area as a cesspool of inbred hayseeds and rubes.
-Anyone on-air references Benghazi.
-Someone says that the putting greens are too slow.
-Joe Buck is drinking out of a paper bag on-air.
-Joe Buck is reading tweets from Dan Jenkins about Sergio Garcia on-air with a fake Spanish accent.
-A post-tournament apology followed by “well folks, only 10 more years of us covering this event!”
-“Joe Buck has taken ill. Filling in for him will be GUS JOHNSON OH MY GAWD!!!”
However, no drinks for the following:
-Mentions of Johnny Miller’s 63.
-Any shots of people waiving those yellow towels that Pittsburgh people think is a thing.
-Random former Pittsburgh-area athletes on-air.
-Any mentions of Fox shows.