There’s really nothing quite like that first day that feels like fall. Today is that day, and in a word, it is awesome.
Having said that, pumpkin is disgusting. There. I said it. Oooh…hot take here I come!
Played at Redgate this morning at sunup- with She Who Is Really In Charge (SWIRIC) enjoying a vacation (I have some heavy work commitments this week and felt bad that we haven’t been able to have a summer vacation so she’s enjoying September at the shore if you’re interested) I played today (the rain and thunder took care of any thoughts I had of sneaking off for an afternoon round yesterday) in cool, brisk and breezy conditions.
Unfortunately, Redgate has looked better, I’m afraid to say. Fairways and roughs have seen better days; I’m hoping that this is down to the dry spell we’ve been under and not a sign of what Billy Casper Management is going to do to the course (huge parts of fairways were dead/dormant/brown). I can remember playing it a few years ago thinking that they had some of the best greens in the area. I can’t say that right now- they’re slow (again, I want to put that down to aeration that is still clearly visible along with yesterday’s heavy rain) and while most were fairly smooth, a few of them were more than a bit bumpy. Not sure why, but for their sake I hope they get better (better conditions benefit all of us).
I hit the ball pretty well but my short game was sub-par; carded a pedestrian 82 that could have been worse but should have been better.
What I can’t understand is why courses insist on putting groups out on the back nine. I understand the whole “time for nine” thing, and that’s great. But if you’re going to do that first thing in the morning on a weekend, you have to stop pretending that you give two scoots about pace of play, because clearly you don’t. I got a lecture from the starter about pace of play (concern that they’d need by cart back) before I teed off (how can I say “if every golfer played as fast as I do you’d have 4 hour weekend rounds”). I finished my round in just under 2 hours (okay so I skipped the 11th hole to jump past the foursome that they put out on the 10th hole as I was coming up on the 9th hole).
What’s my trick? ONE practice swing, if that. If I’m playing with someone else I get my yardage and pull a club while they hit, so that when it’s my turn…go time. I don’t spend more than a minute looking for a lost ball (tournaments are different, but a casual round…60 seconds and if I can’t find one drop (stroke and distance)), and on the green, I use continuous putting (putt until you’re in) unless I’m in a match play situation. If I’m between sets of tees I use the forward set. If I’m around the green I make sure to grab 1-2 wedges unless I know for a fact I’m on the putting surface. I’ll repair my divot while my playing partner(s) are putting.
Redgate 18th green from earlier today.
Not to pick on these four guys, but it was like seeing a “what not to do” video with respect to pace of play. They were all lying three with 150 yards out and all four are using a distance measuring device…naturally I found out they were playing from the tips (so on a par 4 that is 412 from the tips, it took them three shots to go roughly 260-270 yards…yup, I’m sure that playing from the tips makes perfect sense).
So either you take my path of passing them, or you get stuck behind the four slowpokes who grind the entire day to a halt. Redgate actually has a solid system of yardage by handicap index (even though my current index is below 10.0 I prefer to play from the “regular” gold tees because I prefer to hit short and mid-irons to the green)…if these four chaps have sub-ten indices find them and play money matches against them.
Again- do you enjoy making pars and birdies or do you enjoy posting ridiculous scores so you can say “but I played it from the tips” to your friends?
I’m sure the influx of folks playing early is due to today being the start of the NFL season as I’m sure a lot of guys wanted to get a round in before watching 12 hours of football (Washington has a 1pm game, Baltimore has a 4:25 game so that’s 7+ hours right there not counting the pregame shows that started at some obscene hour). Me? I really couldn’t care. I know I’m supposed to love the NFL because…hurr durr football?! but I find the games take far too long with very little action, and I’d rather play nothing but six-hour rounds than care about fantasy football (if you love the NFL and fantasy football then by all means enjoy yourself). My preferred brand of football is rugby league (where an 80-minute came can be completed in less than 2 hours of actual time, and the ball is actually in play for roughly 60 of the 80 minutes)…the NRL specifically (Fox Sports 2 airs 1-2 games a week that I can PVR and watch later). My other sporting obsession is the Toronto Maple Leafs (again- a 60 minute NHL game can be played in 2 1/2 hours) who have struggled a bit over the last 40-something years.
Since NHL training camps open soon, I have another season of sadness and despair to look forward to. Luckily Leafs blogger Bloge Salming put this awesome video together about their goaltending situation, with a parody of a Miley Cyrus song to boot. You’re welcome.
Today is Arnold Palmer’s birthday. Without him, this sport we love is nowhere near as bit as it is today. Nicklaus may have more majors and more wins, but Palmer was the King.
The original. And best.
Enjoy the day, Mr. Palmer. And may you have many more to come.
So today’s the last Sunday in July, which means that the next time I tee one up it’ll be August. Which means that the “summer” golf season of June-August has one month left.
So how’s it going so far for you? The weather has, as you might imagine, been a real factor (not to beat a dead horse but that Mens Journal written-on-a-crayon piece I referenced last week failed to mention that weather is an enormous factor in rounds played) with several heat waves and more than normal thunderstorms. Hopefully you’ve been able to get out there and enjoy some good golf.
The Quicken Loans National hits our area next weekend, however it’s not at Congressional this year, but rather it’s at RTJ Golf Club in Gainesville/Lake Manassas (pick one- I’ve seen both), VA. While this sounds all good and well, from the official site to buy tickets (the Tiger Woods Foundation website), there’s this nugget:
Buy your parking early and save. Parking will be at Jiffy Lube Live: 7800 Cellar Door Drive, Bristow, VA 20136.
$10 per day, General Admission Parking (Tuesday-Sunday)
Having anything to do with the clusterfuck that is Jiffy Lube Live is, frankly, a disaster waiting to happen. Ask anyone who’s ever attended a concert there, and they’ll tell you horror stories. Plus, they’re charging people to park at what is possibly the most-hated venue in the DMV (it’s a tie between Jiffy Lube Live and FedEx Field)? What’s that about? I attended this event back when it was the old Kemper Open. Walked up on Sunday with some co-workers and paid $28.00 to get in and parking was free at Marriott HQ/Montgomery Mall in Bethesda. Pay in advance now, and that same ticket is now $45.00. So I’m now paying DOUBLE what I paid when the tournament was at the old TPC Avenel (now TPC Potomac- I played there in 2012 as a guest of a former colleague- it was a fantastic course…if you get a chance well worth your time). So I’ll pass; I’ll have a few beers that will be cheaper than the $10.00 chilled horse urine that they serve up (and mine will taste better), and I’ll have access to clean, private washrooms and more comfortable seating. Oh, and at my “private suite”, once the round is done, I won’t have to sit on the parking lot that is I-66 for hours on end.
I played yesterday (Saturday) at Little Bennett. Other than the greens being a bit furry (they were cutting the greens while I was playing) the course was in great shape.
12th hole. Waiting to hit my 2nd shot while they mowed and re-cut the green. Made par from here. GAHH!
It’s hard to complain about carding an 81, except that take away 2 three-putts and that becomes a 79. Still, it’s a tough course and for my two cents worth an underrated test of golf.
Not scary at all. Just hit it long and straight. What could be easier?
I got on a 5-hole par train starting on #10, where I hit the fairway and was on in regulation on every hole. Had 2 tap-ins of 2″ for pars, but in reality I can’t complain even if I’m doing just that right now.
Note. Going right with your second shot is not suggested. Just saying.
All in all, a solid round. The wreckage appears below.
Scorecard from my round on July 25th. Played from the whites except on 2 holes where I played from the blues.
This week the PGA Tour is in my hometown area (I grew up in Mississauga, Glen Abbey is in Oakville which is next to Mississauga). When Graham DeLaet withdrew this week due to injury I figured there’d be no chance of seeing a Canadian lead, but here we are on Sunday afternoon with two Canadians (David Hearn is tied for the lead, Adam Hadwin is T6) on the front page of the leaderboard. Given that a Canadian hasn’t won in over 60 years I’d like to see Hearn pull it out.
Shameless plug: for more that just golf follow me on Instagram. It’s like my blog, but less wordy and more boozy.
I played yesterday at Redgate, and was not impressed with the conditions.
Ko’olau Golf Course. Not a bad place to be right now.
I’d like to sugarcoat things, but if I’m being honest, the course wasn’t in the greatest shape. The greens had been punched 1-2 weeks prior (again- nothing on the course’s website about this), and the tee boxes were scruffy at best. Lots of dead spots and divots. The fairways were okay, but not great (I’m not sure why, but my cart didn’t have any divot mix containers). Several of the greens had multiple divots and pitch marks; I do my best to repair my pitch marks and divots (a good rule of thumb- fix yours and if you don’t see a group behind you, fix another) even though I normally don’t take a divot from the fairway as I’m more of a picker than a digger.
I’ll grant you this- the weather has played havoc and I’m sure every superintendent in the DMV would love to have the weather we had last summer (who wouldn’t?) return, but unfortunately it’s been a full throttle of heat, humidity and thunderstorms. On the one hand, the rain is doing the work of sprinkler systems so water usage must be down a ton. So the amount of brown spots I saw yesterday really makes no sense.
The round itself was a mixed bag; after a couple early bogeys on easy holes, I rode the par train for seven straight holes before I got on board the bogey and worse train for a few holes before going par/par/double bogey/par to finish the round. Playing solo I was moving so I didn’t have a chance to take photos. I carded a respectable 81 (out in 39 but in with a 42) that was helped by only needing 32 putts (I got wild with the driver which didn’t help things). Didn’t help that the battery in my rangefinder died so I had to go old school for the last 16 holes but that’s a real case of first-world problems.
Which brings me to issue #2- putting people out on the back nine. I’m all for the “time for nine” idea. But if you go out early on the back nine, you can’t be a slowpoke. And when you see people waiting on you, and there’s not a single group in front of you, guess what- YOU’RE THE PROBLEM! Admitting it is a good first step but actually playing faster is a solution. Or better yet, wave the speed demons up and let them play through.
Look- Redgate is still a solid muni course and I, for one, am glad it exists. It was pretty busy as I finished up my round (despite having to wait on our slow-poke twosome I finished in 2 1/2 hours…pedestrian by my standard but in the DMV on a Saturday morning I really shouldn’t complain) which was nice to see.
Recently I came upon an article in Men’s Journal; another pile of bullshit (I’ll start with how they got the number of majors that Tiger Woods has won wrong- the article says 15, not 14 (if you want to count his 3 US Amateurs that’s 17…still not 15) about how the game is dying. Except that it isn’t (when the author of this dirge trotted out Tiger Woods it became dog-whistle garbage (Woods didn’t grow the game- he impacted TV ratings when he played; housing developments and terrible real estate management gave us too many courses- a lot of his fans may have purchased Nike hats but most of them already liked golf; at best, rounds grew by 1-2% when he was in his infancy). The industry had its best-ever sales of golf balls in April of this year. People aren’t buying golf balls for the sake of buying them. Golf Datatech produced actual research about this. The NGF and Golf Datatech have done enough research that shows that weather plays a HUGE role in rounds played. Think about 2012 when we didn’t really have much of a winter. Courses stayed open, rounds played were up. Now think about the last two winters, and how cold and snowy they were. Courses weren’t open and rounds plummeted! Amazeballs, right? I know I didn’t play in March, and was willing to freeze my “one meat, two veg” off in early April just to be able to play.
What has changed is that the days of being able to spend all of your weekend at a country club is no more for families and that myself and younger folks aren’t buying private club memberships like our parents did. But this isn’t news. How the industry deals with this will be interesting. I’ll be watching.
The other thing that this article talked about was the old chestnut of how millennials aren’t playing. And yet, I took a long look at the faces of the golfers who were either teeing off or getting ready to tee off yesterday, and it was a very heavy millennial-leaning crowd (probably 75% white and 25% Asian/African-American/Latino). I’ve played with three different groups of millennials this year. All of them the kind of folks you’d be happy to have in your group.
And last, but not least, you can now find me on Instagram. I’m here. So add me and I’ll start adding photos (mostly golf-related; I think I’ll pass on taking pictures of my food (wine and scotch do not apply to this).
After a weekend of not playing, I teed it up yesterday (7/3) at Hampshire Greens. My list of maladies keeps growing; I already have chronic tendinitis in one foot and managed a 2nd degree burn on the other leg (more on that), and if that weren’t enough, I dealt with back spasms yesterday morning (still tender). To say I was not optimistic would be painfully correct. Played decent (not great) and got around in an 82 from the blues. The picture below of the first hole doesn’t capture the elevation change off the tee but it’s a pretty good visual of what you’re looking at.
Hampshire Greens 1st Hole. DO NOT GO LEFT.
One thing- Hampshire Greens has punched their greens so you’ll notice the tiny holes (it looks like they did this a week or so ago) and more importantly, the layer of sand on your ball. Bring an extra towel.
The folks at Hampshire Greens are, if nothing else, friendly and polite. They’re not perfect but my experience yesterday was pretty good. The pro shop and starter folks were nice enough (no beverage cart until the 18th hole but there are several water stations at the course).
Beyond that, the course was in good shape despite the heavy rains we’ve had for most of June. The fairways were in decent shape (a bit lush but recently mowed) but it was hardly playing “firm and fast” but it played well enough. Unless they move the boxes and hole locations, the location on #2 was up front, but #17 and #18 were way in the back.
The 10th hole (see below) remains one of my favourites as there are several ways to attack the hole. Aiming at the bunker gives you a more direct line, but playing to the right of the bunker gives you a clearer view of the green. Managed to 2-putt for a par, with no complaints.
Hampshire Greens 10th Hole. Choose your line wisely.
Played with a few guys who, other than being a bit slow, were nice enough.
If you get a chance to play this weekend have fun, keep it moving along, and don’t be afraid to use a forward set of tees. You’ll have fun, and you’ll play faster.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk about a couple issues that have bothered me more than a fair bit over the last few days-
1) Donald Trump. I’ve little interest in his politics, but his recent comments that golf should be a game only for elites is laughably wrong and exactly the opinion that keeps the game from growing. For one, over 70% of golf courses in the US are your public/municipal/daily fee courses. The kind of courses I play every weekend morning, and my guess is the kind you play if you’re reading this (if you’re a member at Congressional and would like to have me out there get a hold of me and I’m your huckleberry). Where we change our shoes in the parking lot before playing, and we all aspire to play better but mostly, we play because we love the game. Take away over 2/3 of golf courses, and the industry would die overnight (a couple recent visits to Golf Galaxy were chock-full of public course golfers just like me). When the recession hit in 2008-09, the courses most likely to go under were not the muni tracks but the private clubs (what Trump doesn’t understand is that my generation (Gen X) and the Millennial/Gen Y folks are not buying country club memberships…I probably get at least one country club solicitation a month).
My better half She Who Is Really In Charge (SWIRIC) doesn’t play and has never expressed a desire to take up the game so for me to join a country club makes zero sense. And in the day of parents with kids having activities going on seemingly nonstop, having dad spend all day on Saturday at the club is simply not happening to the extent that it was. That the PGA Tour, LPGA Tour, USGA, PGA of America have all come out against his comments should tell you all you need to know. I’ll further that the tours should cease using his courses immediately.
Further, Trump should care about growing the game (for all their other problems, the USGA and PGA of America are at least trying to grow the game). You don’t grow the game by making it less accessible or by saying that it should only be for elites. To Trump’s point…do I want to play golf with a 15 inch hole (make your own jokes)? No. But if someone gets the bug as a result, takes it up, and then decides they want to play with a regulation hole…then that’s good, right?
Ask the golf equipment manufacturers how they feel…I’m sure they’d very much like aspiring and novice golfers to buy their gear.
2) Steve Simmons. The columnist for the Toronto Sun wrote a scathing piece about Phil Kessel after he was traded to Pittsburgh (I’m linking to it against better judgement). In his column, he states that Kessel would venture down from his downtown Toronto condo every day at 2:30 for a hot dog at a specific hot dog stand (the suggestion being that Kessel is fat and lazy and doesn’t care about nutrition). Which is fine, except that Leafs’ blog Pension Plan Puppets kind of, well, debunked that story. The point is this- Simmons is entitled to his opinion (if he thought Kessel wasn’t a good hockey player then fine- if he had actual quotes from NHL coaches and GM’s to support this…great), but he’s not entitled to make stuff up. I thought about writing up a paragraph of insults about him, but frankly, his relevancy is nil and the less you listen to him the better off you’ll be. Know this- if I write something about a course, know that this was my actual experience. Your experience may well be different, but I will never write fiction and try to pass it off as fact.
As always, hit ’em straight and play well. Enjoy your Independence Day celebrations. Play this song and enjoy the holiday.
I wanted FOX to get it right. I wanted them to balance new technology and new thinking with a well-structured broadcast that would win reviews, delight and energize viewing audiences and hopefully, elevate the entire medium of how golf tournaments are broadcast. At a minimum, I wanted them to put together a technically strong broadcast that informed the viewer of what was going on, and give the viewing public confidence that they would show themselves to be a worthy partner in the landscape and show their rivals at CBS, NBC and Golf Channel that while their portfolio might not be the largest, they would always put their best foot forward.
That, unfortunately, didn’t happen. From enough technical mistakes to fill seasons’ worth of NBC/GC/CBS broadcasts to overuse of people wholly unsuited for the broadcast to the tragic under-utilization of Holly Sanders, to the USGA’s utter incompetence in being able to set up a golf course, it was four days of incompetence saved, not because of themselves, but in spite of themselves in the form of a thrilling conclusion.
It was only then that FOX managed to get out of their own way, but only barely. An exciting finish does not make up for nor excuse a raft of technical mistakes that seemed to be happening far too often.
Much like Rogers’ 12-year (11 years left) deal for Canadian NHL rights, the first year was an error-strewn stage of screw-ups and trying to put round pegs in square holes that meant lower ratings and dissatisfied audiences.
I’ll let Gary Player offer a reasoned critique of the USGA:
He did everything but drop the mic when he was done.
I’ll add this- going to an all-fescue course wasn’t the problem. It’s when you let poa annua creep in that you end up with mess on the greens that you have. The USGA had 8 years to get this course ready, and more importantly, they had the resources to get the course in fantastic shape. And frankly, this isn’t the first time that they’ve let this happen (letting a golf course get away from them). It happened in 1998 at Olympic (the hole location on #18 on the Friday was worthy of a clown’s mouth), it happened in 2001 at Southern Hills, 2002 at Bethpage Black (forcing players to carry the ball 250 yards on the fly), 2004 at Shinnecock Hills (letting the greens die on them), 2006 Winged Foot (letting the rough get horrific), 2012 at Olympic (tee boxes on the final day), and 2014 at Pinehurst. I don’t blame them for the wet conditions in 2009 and 2011…they did the best they could under the circumstances. But far too often they’re trying to over-think things; often to the detriment of the tournament and the golf course.
My concern is this- by Sunday night, Chambers Bay looked dead (the turf). For their well-intended concerns about using less water on courses how much more water (and sod, fertilizer, etc.) is it going to take to get the course back to being operational? I’m all for courses that use drought-tolerant turf but there has to be a line between “you can save water” and “let the course die and become as hard as a cement parking lot.”
The USGA have one crack to set up a course for the best men in the world (and one for the best women), and their record is, frankly, terrible. I’ll go back to the question- are we trying to identify the best players in the world or embarrass them? This notion of “we must protect par” is absurd. If you watched The Masters and were angry because Jordan Spieth took the course apart, raise your hand. Did Rory McIlroy’s win in 2011 somehow detract because he finished -16 on a wet course that you could throw darts at? Did Tiger Woods’ 2000 win at Pebble Beach (where he finished at 272 and won by 15 strokes and put on a clinic) detract from watching? NO! People want to see elite athletes turn in elite performances! Set the course up to challenge the best players in the world, but reward great shots. If the winning score is -10…so what? Augusta National, the R&A and the PGA of America don’t have this obsession with par, and yet you have the USGA ginning up their annual “we must protect par” game. And having holes alternate between being a par 4 and a par 5 is laughable. The par of a hole should not change from one day to the next, especially on the first two days when you have players going off at the first and 10th holes.
Back to FOX. In the interest of trying to be nice, I’ll present the good, the bad, and the ugly:
GOOD:
-The trackman that they were using was fantastic and it helped casual fans see where shots were going. Better than their glow-puck idea from 20 years ago.
-The audio; from hearing the putts rattle around in the cup to the conversations between players and caddies…they got the audio right.
-Brad Faxon and Steve Flesch were solid, if not unspectacular in their roles. Faxon would be a great tower commentator (17th hole).
-Tom Weiskopf- unafraid to voice an opinion; in a revamped lineup I’d put him in the 16 hole tower.
-Graphics (when in use). The leaderboard was clean and the font they used easily readable. Having a top-five leaderboard on the screen at all times might have been overkill early on, but definitely something I’d like to see more of for weekend (especially final round) coverage.
-Drones (when in use). They should have been using the drone hole previews a lot more, especially on Sunday when you have casual fans tuning in.
-No Chris Berman. Not having to listen to him babble like a drunk in a bar was the one positive in their Thursday/Friday coverage; he might well be great hosting football and baseball, but it does not equate to being good at golf (regardless of if he plays or not).
BAD:
-Joe Buck. They’re trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Maybe you bump him to the host role (think Bob Costas on NBC’s US Open coverage), but for someone who’s covered Super Bowls and World Series, he seemed completely out of his element on Sunday evening. He was good conducting the interview with Jordan Spieth…maybe that’s his role going forward. It’s not a knock on Joe Buck; it’s about putting people in roles they’re good at.
Curt Menefee. He’s good at football. He’s terrible with golf. The four-five person booth might work great for an NFL pregame and halftime setup, but for golf it was too many people (CBS and NBC have two at a time…it’s cleaner and it works better). They tried having him host their UEFA Champions League Final coverage which was a similar bust. Maybe he’d be a good fit for baseball.
-The crawl. For early round coverage, that FOX didn’t have a crawl with the entire field (on Thursday) listed is borderline criminal. For a network that spearheaded giving the viewer more information, this was laughable. I kept flipping over the Golf Channel as they had one. They hired Mark Loomis away, and something relatively simple and frankly, expected by viewers and they can’t be bothered. They didn’t run it much on the weekend coverage either.
-Early coverage. To come on the air and not show actual golf…WHY EVEN BOTHER? When in doubt, show golf shots! It’s not that hard!
-Mike Davis interview. I’ve seen pillow fights that were tougher. I know…the USGA is their partner. But you didn’t have one or two players being critical of the course and the setup. The guy who won was critical of the setup. Ask tough questions. It’s okay. It’s not like they’re going anywhere.
UGLY:
-Holly Sanders. They hire someone from the Golf Channel, and rather than use her knowledge of golf, they have her do the post-round interviews (99.9% of which are completely pointless). I did like the graphic showing their score in the background, but a complete and total waste of talent. Here’s a crazy idea- have her anchor coverage.
-Rules. You have David Fay in the booth explaining things, but for audiences watching with no sound, a graphic showing the rule being applied would be a great addition (they do this with their NFL coverage). When Grace hit his tee shot on 16 way right (I was on the phone at the time so I had the volume on mute), I didn’t know if it was O.B. or considered to be in a hazard. The orange traffic cones I saw aren’t covered in any rule book. Again- when in doubt, give the viewer as much info as possible.
-Dustin Johnson interview after the 4th round. As in why didn’t they have one? He had one putt to win the championship and a second to get into a playoff…missed both. I get it- he feels awful, but this is your job to flag him down and ask him questions. To borrow from the late great Ken Venturi, from his first putt, he needs to take 5 out of the equation. Meaning, at worst, leave yourself a tap-in for a playoff. It’s not unreasonable to ask him a few questions (ask him about the number of short putts he missed- was it spike marks, was it a read issue…what?).
-USGA Playoff Format. In any other tournament they’d have kept playing (daylight wasn’t an issue), but this being the US Open, we’d send everyone home Sunday night without a winner and force an 18-hole playoff on Monday, which is beyond silly (the Masters goes to a sudden death playoff like every other PGA Tour event, while the PGA Championship and the Open Championship use 4 and 3-hole aggregate score playoffs). If the USGA is so against sudden death, then why do they use it after an 18-hole playoff (see 1994 and 2008 US Opens). Go to a 3-hole aggregate playoff, and send people home Sunday night with a winner.
ALL OF THE ABOVE:
-Greg Norman. At times he was insightful; other times he was long-winded and seemingly incapable of making a coherent point. With a better anchor who could keep him on point, I think he could be a solid main analyst. He’s not Faldo nor is he Miller, but he has the ability to improve. The question I’m asking is this- given his worldwide businesses that he runs, does he want to put in the work to become a world-class analyst? Given their limited portfolio of events (if we’re being honest, you’re looking at the Open, Senior Open, Women’s Open and the Amateur as the four main events that FOX has) it’s not unreasonable to ask if Norman is going to put in the time for four weeks’ work.
OVERALL:
As I predicted, this was never going to work well, and I continue to question the logic (beyond money) of the USGA’s decision to go to FOX for the next 11 years (after this one). It’s hard to see them going after golf (they have NASCAR and baseball rights on weekends, and I don’t see Golf Channel/NBC or CBS giving up their current rights without having something to replace it) so they’re going to continue to be a part-time player (like ESPN, who shows the Open Championship and early-round Masters coverage and that’s it) in golf. Long term I still think that the Masters will take early-round rights to Golf Channel, and I think NBC/Golf Channel goes hard now that the bidding process is underway for the Open Championship.
FOX did some good things, but still made far too many mistakes that viewers shouldn’t have to tolerate. I can only hope that next year at Oakmont (as traditional of a US Open course as you can get) they do a better job.
Being someone who watched infomercials but never bought anything from them, I’ve nonetheless had an odd fascination about them, and few commercials have held my interest quite as much as Peter Kessler narrating “The Perfect Club” infomercial. If you watched Golf Channel at any point from 1999-2005 you probably saw it at least once. If you have seen it, you know what I’m talking about. If not, this was before the Sham Wow Guy, but after the wave of 1980’s/early 1990’s infomercials. Peter Kessler narrates this magnum opus of schlock, and he’s craptastic. Who’s Peter Kessler? He worked for Golf Channel in its infancy as one of their studio analysts. He always had that horrible uncomfortable way of fawning over people (so not much change from the current crop). There are days where I’d pay money to see him back on the air if only because it would be hilarious.
Kessler staring at you. Try looking away. You can’t.
I’m not the first person to find a weird enjoyment from obscure video. The master (for me) is Sean McIdoe of Grantland and Down Goes Brown, who has made this a thing on a weekly basis. Which is why he’s a better writer than I am, and has a fantastic book that you should buy if you love hockey and/or have a sense of humour and why I’m writing a blog during nights and weekends.
First off, the commercial. Watch it. Stare at it. Let Peter Kessler’s narration take over your body the same way eating Taco Bell and a bottle of Thunderbird takes over your body. Let it wash over you.
We start with Kessler wearing the triple-pleated slacks that say “damn I love nothing better than a chicken Caesar salad and bud light while speaking to a guy wearing to-the-calf socks with a woman who serves no purpose than to stand there. Do you think phone sex ads are more degrading or less degrading than this? I’m going to point out that this was the Big Golf era- pants were bigger, shirts were bigger, the big straw hats were in, you had housing developments with courses being built as quickly as they could, and yes- even clubs were getting bigger (the driver they’ll get to is only 370cc compared to the current 460cc that everything is built at). It was a weird time, what can I say.
Submitted for your approval.
0.29: He’s supposed to be staring at the guy’s swing, but I’m saying he’s looking somewhere higher. The way he says “that was better”…I mean, holy crap could that possibly be any more creepy? If someone said that to me in that voice on the range I’m about 99% sure I’d be curled up in a room crying while listening to nothing but Sarah McLachlan and Tori Amos. If you heard that from the guy in the stall next to yours at the range, you’d run, right? Or take up lawn bowling.
0.34: No, really dude…maybe you could waggle that thing a few more times. I’m blaming Sergio’s waggle-fests on you. I don’t know this for sure, but I think you’re permitted to bludgeon to death anyone in the group in front of you that waggles like that. Say hello to five-hour rounds.
0.55: And here we go into “Peter Kessler narrates things in a creepy manner” time. Can you imagine calling a phone sex hotline and getting this instead? You’re welcome for that visual. Try sleeping tonight and not hearing that.
1.06: Yes, stunning distance indeed! Notice how the ball doesn’t stay on the green? I hope she has an Alien Wedge!
1.40: Clearing that water hazard shouldn’t be a problem. But the one short of the bunker? Most 20-handicappers are putting the next one either in the sand or the next county.
1:51: Who wears long pants like that? Is that so we don’t see the knee-high black socks? And by the way, what level of creepy is “it will increase your fun?” I mean, do you get a bottle of tequila and some painkillers?
2:13: I’m glad that Peter Kessler wants me to know that none of this was staged and that they were filmed during a single shoot. Do you think that he only had to one-time the narration as well?
2:25: The perfect club is the perfect gift for the entire family? I’m getting one for She Who Is Really In Charge. Before she attempts to bludgeon me with it I’m telling her “but Peter Kessler said it was the perfect gift for the whole family!”
2:48: We’re now at that point where Kessler really puts on the sell as only he can. If only he’d have thrown in that the grips were made with Fine Corinthian Leather or something. This is someone who rubs one out to a Buick catalog.
3:08: I’m no expert but maybe if they could find a goddamn fairway off the tee they wouldn’t need this contraption. Seriously.
3:45: Seriously. It’s called a fairway. Before you give Kessler your money on this thing, maybe try some lessons, the Medicus driver or something similar? If you have this thing, the Medicus and the Alien wedge in your bag at the same time, are you legally required to use the old Ping 2-colour balls? I feel like you should be.
4:33: If I have dinner with my mother and she asks me about The Perfect Club I’m having her committed. There. I said it.
5:05: Proof that no millennials will ever buy this thing- when Kessler claims his mom tells him he’s not that good. Your average 25 year old hears this and they’re looking for a bridge to jump off or go on an unhinged rant on Twitter or Tumblr.
5:32: The stock video of this club floating around is something out of The Big Lebowski. I mean, you want to turn away but you just stare at it. But one correction- if you need this do-hickey to make golf fun again, you’re not trying very hard, or you haven’t tried getting your drink on during your round.
5:45: Now we’re at 100,000 golfers using this thing. Earlier is was 250K. Did that many old geezers die during filming or something?
6:05: Wait, there’s a Perfect Plus? How is that even possible? Are these people on the dope or something? Call it the Perfect Wood or Perfect Utility or Perfect Other Club.
6:24: Nice to see that they have discovered the fairway. Good on them.
6:38: Kessler staring at you is the stuff of restraining orders. And nightmares. Or Kessler becoming Peter Kessler Zombie Golf Equipment Shill.
6:45: If this club is the best thing to ever happen to your game, you’re not doing it right. Seriously.
7:13: When he says “high, long, soaring shots with” I’m honestly creeped out beyond words. How many people bought this thing to make the commercial go away?
7:40: My favourite club is the airplane bottle of scotch. That won’t change.
7:55: Did he get paid on how many times he used the word “perfect”? Do you think that perfect is his safe word because I’m pretty sure it is. Oh, and who says “4 and 5 pars”…rubes. Hayseeds. It’s a par-4 or a par-5. Get it together, man.
8:20: If you haven’t noticed they’re showing the same five-six shots over and over again.
8:51: I ask, they deliver…a 370cc Perfect Driver. And he’s not wearing the red shirt- did their production budget allow for a second shirt?
9:15: Notice they don’t show any of these shots landing. Clearly the camera guys were too smitten by Kessler to handle this.
9:48: Oh good…guy wearing golf sandals with a handicap that starts with “about”…if you’re actually serious you know your index. Mine just went up to 11.3 because the good rounds I had are falling off and being replaced by not-so-good ones. And Kessler is back in the red shirt. Awesome.
10:47: How far, exactly is that white flag that Wade is hitting it over? Is that where he’s aiming? Because I’ve seen plenty of guys who can hit it ten bells at the range but couldn’t find a fairway on an actual golf course.
11:15: Pin high and 20 yards left of the target is almost always an easy shot at most courses I play. By easy I mean “two chips and three putts later you’re probably done.” You’ll also notice that by this point Kessler has some truly spectacular man-boob (or moobs) sweat going. And not for anything but they couldn’t do any better than a driving range adjacent to an air field?
12:25: So sandals guy doesn’t carry a driver. I’ll bet he has two ball retrievers and one of those suction cup do-hickey things on his putter. And I bet he smokes giant cigars. Because of course.
13:00: DEAR GOD WHY IS HE STARING AT ME. MAKE IT STOP.
13:30: We get it. Same six shots we saw before. Oh- perfection costs $100 in steel and $125 in graphite. And it’s 39 inches long.
14:04: Now we get to the “let’s see what D-list PGA Tour professional will appear so they don’t show the photos of him/her co-mingling with livestock…allegedly”…oh my gawd that’s Larry Rinker’s music! Why did I have the club in his bag at Q-School? Because I like cash money, that’s why! Oh, and because Peter Kessler made a smooth jazz compilation that gets the women folk all crazy.
14:50: Your buddies on the PGA Tour? They don’t care what you’re using. You’re missing cuts and trunk-slamming on Fridays. “Played in 520 PGA Tour Events” translates to the equivalent of a participation trophy. Just saying. And can we talk about the fashion trend of having that top button buttoned on the golf shirt? Who thought that was a good idea? And that shirt…could it be a bit bigger? I mean, I know that this was the thing back then but it’s not like he’s trying to hide a gut or man-boobs.
15:29: That golfer with that swing is making my eyes bleed. You’ll notice that they don’t show the shots landing. Gee, I wonder why that is. Maybe because…oh, I don’t know- they’re landing in the rough?
15:51: Hateful? Not really…in fact, none of the lies they show him hitting out of look all that bad. I know what it’s like to have to chop out of some tall cabbage. That ain’t it, hoss. And by all means, let’s show those same six shots. Back…and to the left. Back…and to the left.
16:25: Golf is meant to be fun? Wow…that’s some zen bullshit there. Thanks. You know what’s fun? Making birdies, the way that first cold beer tastes, and piping a drive about 280 in the fairway.
17:14: If The Perfect Club is actually Perfect, why does it need a companion? I’m calling Shenanigans!
17:33: Great shot…as it rolls off the green into god only knows what kind of trouble. Derp derp.
17:52: I promise…it’s perfect. Must. Stop. Looking. At. His. Eyes.
18:20: If she’s a teaching professional and has “an atrocious golf swing” maybe I’m not calling her for lessons.
19:28: I’m openly rooting for her to hit the lip and have the ball knock Kessler unconscious. Is that wrong? Oh, and shall we point out that her shot went from one bunker to another? How is that successful? Ask yourself this- would you rather have, say, 100 yards from the fairway or a tight bunker shot when anything long is in the water?
20:08: Her second shot landed 40-50 yards short of the green. Sounds easy to me!
20:29: Ladies and gentlemen we have The Perfect Driver! 370cc of supposed driving fury! Love the old geezer pulling one left. He’s fascinating. Am I the only one who thinks he’s the guy on Facebook who forwards you all the crazy-pants stuff about how the boogeyman is going to come and take your money, or how Obama is a Secret Muslim Terrorist Grand Wizard Mason who is part of a secret cartel who control the earth’s rotation?
20:41: Again- not showing the shots land. How many did they put into that lake for this shoot?
21:19: Oh good, let’s take a gander at George. I’m fairly certain he thinks Bigfoot is real. He’s wearing a microphone and has the battery pack on his belt. I’m sure that he wears that all the time. Do you think he owns a metal detector? I’m saying yes.
23:45: We’re still with George, the 14-handicapper at the driving range adjacent to the airport, except it’s earlier in the day than it was before. I’ve got ten bucks that says this guy is the guy who goes into the woods looking for golf balls. Yes, you’re aiming at the pink flag but your ball is heading toward the yellow one. Either George here is color blind or he’s not a professional. Sorry Peter.
24:19: Next up in the parade of old white guys is TC. His index is “about a ten” which is bullshit. Your handicap index (if you have one) is a number. No “abouts”, no “sort of’s”, “kind of’s” or anything like it. My index, as of June 1st, is 11.3. Not “about a ten” or “sort of an eleven” but an 11.3. Period. If you keep track of this (and you should) then there’s no ambiguity. Kessler also points out that TC isn’t wearing golf shoes. He finishes up by hitting a few shots that, to this trained eye, appear to be leaking to the right (not that I’d know or anything).
So that’s pretty much that. That’s the Perfect Club, which, if you’re so inclined, is available on ebay. Peter Kessler narration is extra.
Played this morning at Hampshire Greens; tee to green I was about as good as I could hope for; hit 8 of 14 fairways, 10 of 18 GIR but with a soul-destroying 38 putts. Played with three younger folks (including a woman who could flat-out hit the ball despite this being her first round of the year) and enjoyed their company. Nice to see folks in their 20’s and 30’s get out and enjoy this game including one of them who’d only been playing a year. If you’re reading this, stay at it and have fun. Hopefully I didn’t get in your way.
Hampshire Greens #7. It’s out there somewhere.
Hampshire Greens was in good shape despite the usual rollercoaster weather we’ve been having. It was a bit damp (it was drizzling for about half the round which didn’t help) but otherwise the course was playing fair. One thing that did help was playing from the green tees (it’s 6000 yards as opposed to 6500 from the blue tees) which meant I was hitting 9 irons and wedges into the greens rather than mid-irons. If you haven’t played Hampshire Greens it’s a decent track and definitely worth a visit. A few holes have homes in shouting distance (and not for anything, but while we were teeing off, I learned that MacKenzie is going to wear that dress to prom AND is going to wear the Jimmy Choo flats that mom got her…also, Tiffany was really mean to Brody at Amber’s party last night), so thanks for the update, young girl sitting on the deck who needs to learn volume control.
Hampshire Greens #9.
Significantly more troubling than my ongoing struggles with the putter was the PGA Tour’s response to Stephanie Wei using Periscope during a practice round at the WGC Match Play at Harding Park in San Francisco. If you don’t know, Periscope is a live streaming application for mobile devices that was purchased by Twitter. It allows you to live stream things to anyone who follows you through the application. If I wanted to, I could film my rounds and people could watch. Why anyone would want to is, frankly, a question best left to the mental healthy community. It got a lot of free publicity last weekend during the “awful human being v. slightly less awful human being” event that was the Mayweather-Pacquiao boxing match where many people were streaming the fight on their periscopes (figuring “just because I paid $100 to watch this garbage fire doesn’t mean you should”).
In short, the PGA Tour has a whole list of regulations about what you can and can’t do as a credentialed member of the media, and I suppose that, according to the letter of the law, that Ms Wei (who I’ve never met and am only marginally aware of her work) violated their media rights policy. During a practice round that isn’t televised. Specifically, she used the application to air a lighthearted discussion involving Masters Champion Jordan Spieth. Nobody could claim that Golf Channel or the PGA Tour were losing viewers by virtue of this being aired. However, rules are rules.
PGA Tour TV ratings are generally not particularly good compared to team sports, and for the tournament in question, according to Sports Media Watch it had the lowest rating since 2010 and the second lowest since 2001 (the final match featured Rory McIlroy). In short, we’re not talking about a major championship and we’re not talking about a highly viewed event. We’re talking about a practice round (and not for anything, but the PGA Tour has stopped admitting fans for practice rounds for most of their events).
A reasonable person would think that the PGA Tour would, in this instance, pull Ms Wei aside for a quiet word along the lines of “enjoy your work and thanks for helping to grow the game, but please don’t use Periscope without our approval.” Instead, the Tour revoked her credential for the entire 2015 season.
PGA Tour Media Relations at Work
Not a warning, not a “don’t ever do that again” but they went straight to the proverbial death penalty for the equivalent of a parking ticket. I don’t think for one second that the PGA Tour pulls the credential of a “name” reporter (i.e. Doug Ferguson of the AP). This was selective enforcement at it’s worst.
I’m not really sure what this accomplishes. The TV demographics for golf are not favorable (in short, it’s old, white and apparently in love of medicare sleds, boner pills, and shitty beer). If the PGA Tour is serious about growing the game (and if they’re not then they’re in real trouble) they need to embrace new media and they need to embrace new voices (and not 20-something almost exclusively white male golf bros who yell “mashed potatoes” during tournaments- these people should be hit with a cattle prod and be fed to angry bears). It’s bad enough that NBC and CBS do not have a single woman on their coverage (Kelly Tilghman anchors Golf Channel’s Friday/Saturday coverage but haven’t seen her this year on NBC’s weekend coverage; CBS is an older version of “Stuff White People Like”), and among minorities, only Native American and Notah Begay (best known for being a teammate of Eldrick Woods when both were at Stanford) is non-Caucasian. You’ll find one minority in the Golf Channel studios (Damon Hack), and among women, the best of a short list are Judy Rankin (I’m sorry but she’s better than 99% of the men), Lauren Thompson and a very under-used Paige MacKenzie. I’m giving FOX a pass for now, but I will hope that they will do better than CBS and NBC when they cover the US Open next month.
Cumulatively, this is but another “you’re not welcome here” sign to women in sports. In the last few weeks, we’ve seen two high profile (and very talented) reporters (Michelle Beadle and Rachel Nichols) have their credentials revoked at last Saturday’s boxing match because they had the temerity to report on Mayweather’s pervasive issues with domestic violence against women. Earlier this week the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers thought that a video that displayed a man throwing his girlfriend to the ground because she cheered for another team was a good idea (the end of the video showed the woman using an ice pack on her head), and NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman get rightly criticized for not being critical of Winnipeg Jets fans chanting “Katy Perry” at Anaheim Ducks forward Corey Perry.
What happened to Wei isn’t domestic violence and I’m not equating the two. What I am saying is that we can, and should, do better. My favourite hockey blog Pension Plan Puppets have an article that might be the best thing I’ve read on the subject. I can’t recommend this article enough (their blog has female voices who, quite frankly, are damn good writers).
We need new voices in sports, and unfortunately, too often women are still being made to feel unwelcome in covering sports. It was wrong then and it’s wrong today. Whether it’s selective enforcement of policy, offense over honest coverage of an issue that merits it, over an overall culture that needs to change, none of this is remotely good enough and isn’t close to being good enough for a sport that needs to embrace new voices and new perspectives.
This isn’t about hiring women for the sake of hiring women. It’s about hiring people who are good at what they do and getting rid of the dinosaurs when they’re no longer good at what they do. It’s about letting the cream rise to the top.
With the Leafs having mercifully ended their season in burning tire fire style, new team President Brendan Shanahan cleaned house- fired the coaching staff, GM David Nonis, the vast majority of the scouts, Carlton the Bear, and the guys who run the Tim Hortons kiosk.
Yup, everyone’s fired.
The expression “burn it to the ground” seems appropriate.
After nearly a decade of one failed season after another followed by false hope and one playoff appearance in 2013 (that ended in the kind of epic failure that you rarely see anymore), it’s good to see them try to get it right.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t plug my favourite Leafs blog Pension Plan Puppets who have been covering this with their usual level of excellence and hilarity.
Unrelated, congrats to Under-Armour logo-wearing human billboard Jordan Spieth for winning the Masters on Sunday. I was pulling for fellow 40-something Phil Mickelson and while he played some fantastic golf, Spieth was the better golfer and deservedly won. I think I could hear Kevin Plank from my house.
Yeah, he’s pretty good at golf.
Hopefully the rain will hold off this weekend and we’ll see golf courses full of golfers enjoying spring in the mid-Atlantic.
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