After a weekend of not playing, I teed it up yesterday (7/3) at Hampshire Greens. My list of maladies keeps growing; I already have chronic tendinitis in one foot and managed a 2nd degree burn on the other leg (more on that), and if that weren’t enough, I dealt with back spasms yesterday morning (still tender). To say I was not optimistic would be painfully correct. Played decent (not great) and got around in an 82 from the blues. The picture below of the first hole doesn’t capture the elevation change off the tee but it’s a pretty good visual of what you’re looking at.
Hampshire Greens 1st Hole. DO NOT GO LEFT.
One thing- Hampshire Greens has punched their greens so you’ll notice the tiny holes (it looks like they did this a week or so ago) and more importantly, the layer of sand on your ball. Bring an extra towel.
The folks at Hampshire Greens are, if nothing else, friendly and polite. They’re not perfect but my experience yesterday was pretty good. The pro shop and starter folks were nice enough (no beverage cart until the 18th hole but there are several water stations at the course).
Beyond that, the course was in good shape despite the heavy rains we’ve had for most of June. The fairways were in decent shape (a bit lush but recently mowed) but it was hardly playing “firm and fast” but it played well enough. Unless they move the boxes and hole locations, the location on #2 was up front, but #17 and #18 were way in the back.
The 10th hole (see below) remains one of my favourites as there are several ways to attack the hole. Aiming at the bunker gives you a more direct line, but playing to the right of the bunker gives you a clearer view of the green. Managed to 2-putt for a par, with no complaints.
Hampshire Greens 10th Hole. Choose your line wisely.
Played with a few guys who, other than being a bit slow, were nice enough.
If you get a chance to play this weekend have fun, keep it moving along, and don’t be afraid to use a forward set of tees. You’ll have fun, and you’ll play faster.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk about a couple issues that have bothered me more than a fair bit over the last few days-
1) Donald Trump. I’ve little interest in his politics, but his recent comments that golf should be a game only for elites is laughably wrong and exactly the opinion that keeps the game from growing. For one, over 70% of golf courses in the US are your public/municipal/daily fee courses. The kind of courses I play every weekend morning, and my guess is the kind you play if you’re reading this (if you’re a member at Congressional and would like to have me out there get a hold of me and I’m your huckleberry). Where we change our shoes in the parking lot before playing, and we all aspire to play better but mostly, we play because we love the game. Take away over 2/3 of golf courses, and the industry would die overnight (a couple recent visits to Golf Galaxy were chock-full of public course golfers just like me). When the recession hit in 2008-09, the courses most likely to go under were not the muni tracks but the private clubs (what Trump doesn’t understand is that my generation (Gen X) and the Millennial/Gen Y folks are not buying country club memberships…I probably get at least one country club solicitation a month).
My better half She Who Is Really In Charge (SWIRIC) doesn’t play and has never expressed a desire to take up the game so for me to join a country club makes zero sense. And in the day of parents with kids having activities going on seemingly nonstop, having dad spend all day on Saturday at the club is simply not happening to the extent that it was. That the PGA Tour, LPGA Tour, USGA, PGA of America have all come out against his comments should tell you all you need to know. I’ll further that the tours should cease using his courses immediately.
Further, Trump should care about growing the game (for all their other problems, the USGA and PGA of America are at least trying to grow the game). You don’t grow the game by making it less accessible or by saying that it should only be for elites. To Trump’s point…do I want to play golf with a 15 inch hole (make your own jokes)? No. But if someone gets the bug as a result, takes it up, and then decides they want to play with a regulation hole…then that’s good, right?
Ask the golf equipment manufacturers how they feel…I’m sure they’d very much like aspiring and novice golfers to buy their gear.
2) Steve Simmons. The columnist for the Toronto Sun wrote a scathing piece about Phil Kessel after he was traded to Pittsburgh (I’m linking to it against better judgement). In his column, he states that Kessel would venture down from his downtown Toronto condo every day at 2:30 for a hot dog at a specific hot dog stand (the suggestion being that Kessel is fat and lazy and doesn’t care about nutrition). Which is fine, except that Leafs’ blog Pension Plan Puppets kind of, well, debunked that story. The point is this- Simmons is entitled to his opinion (if he thought Kessel wasn’t a good hockey player then fine- if he had actual quotes from NHL coaches and GM’s to support this…great), but he’s not entitled to make stuff up. I thought about writing up a paragraph of insults about him, but frankly, his relevancy is nil and the less you listen to him the better off you’ll be. Know this- if I write something about a course, know that this was my actual experience. Your experience may well be different, but I will never write fiction and try to pass it off as fact.
As always, hit ’em straight and play well. Enjoy your Independence Day celebrations. Play this song and enjoy the holiday.
I wanted FOX to get it right. I wanted them to balance new technology and new thinking with a well-structured broadcast that would win reviews, delight and energize viewing audiences and hopefully, elevate the entire medium of how golf tournaments are broadcast. At a minimum, I wanted them to put together a technically strong broadcast that informed the viewer of what was going on, and give the viewing public confidence that they would show themselves to be a worthy partner in the landscape and show their rivals at CBS, NBC and Golf Channel that while their portfolio might not be the largest, they would always put their best foot forward.
That, unfortunately, didn’t happen. From enough technical mistakes to fill seasons’ worth of NBC/GC/CBS broadcasts to overuse of people wholly unsuited for the broadcast to the tragic under-utilization of Holly Sanders, to the USGA’s utter incompetence in being able to set up a golf course, it was four days of incompetence saved, not because of themselves, but in spite of themselves in the form of a thrilling conclusion.
It was only then that FOX managed to get out of their own way, but only barely. An exciting finish does not make up for nor excuse a raft of technical mistakes that seemed to be happening far too often.
Much like Rogers’ 12-year (11 years left) deal for Canadian NHL rights, the first year was an error-strewn stage of screw-ups and trying to put round pegs in square holes that meant lower ratings and dissatisfied audiences.
I’ll let Gary Player offer a reasoned critique of the USGA:
He did everything but drop the mic when he was done.
I’ll add this- going to an all-fescue course wasn’t the problem. It’s when you let poa annua creep in that you end up with mess on the greens that you have. The USGA had 8 years to get this course ready, and more importantly, they had the resources to get the course in fantastic shape. And frankly, this isn’t the first time that they’ve let this happen (letting a golf course get away from them). It happened in 1998 at Olympic (the hole location on #18 on the Friday was worthy of a clown’s mouth), it happened in 2001 at Southern Hills, 2002 at Bethpage Black (forcing players to carry the ball 250 yards on the fly), 2004 at Shinnecock Hills (letting the greens die on them), 2006 Winged Foot (letting the rough get horrific), 2012 at Olympic (tee boxes on the final day), and 2014 at Pinehurst. I don’t blame them for the wet conditions in 2009 and 2011…they did the best they could under the circumstances. But far too often they’re trying to over-think things; often to the detriment of the tournament and the golf course.
My concern is this- by Sunday night, Chambers Bay looked dead (the turf). For their well-intended concerns about using less water on courses how much more water (and sod, fertilizer, etc.) is it going to take to get the course back to being operational? I’m all for courses that use drought-tolerant turf but there has to be a line between “you can save water” and “let the course die and become as hard as a cement parking lot.”
The USGA have one crack to set up a course for the best men in the world (and one for the best women), and their record is, frankly, terrible. I’ll go back to the question- are we trying to identify the best players in the world or embarrass them? This notion of “we must protect par” is absurd. If you watched The Masters and were angry because Jordan Spieth took the course apart, raise your hand. Did Rory McIlroy’s win in 2011 somehow detract because he finished -16 on a wet course that you could throw darts at? Did Tiger Woods’ 2000 win at Pebble Beach (where he finished at 272 and won by 15 strokes and put on a clinic) detract from watching? NO! People want to see elite athletes turn in elite performances! Set the course up to challenge the best players in the world, but reward great shots. If the winning score is -10…so what? Augusta National, the R&A and the PGA of America don’t have this obsession with par, and yet you have the USGA ginning up their annual “we must protect par” game. And having holes alternate between being a par 4 and a par 5 is laughable. The par of a hole should not change from one day to the next, especially on the first two days when you have players going off at the first and 10th holes.
Back to FOX. In the interest of trying to be nice, I’ll present the good, the bad, and the ugly:
GOOD:
-The trackman that they were using was fantastic and it helped casual fans see where shots were going. Better than their glow-puck idea from 20 years ago.
-The audio; from hearing the putts rattle around in the cup to the conversations between players and caddies…they got the audio right.
-Brad Faxon and Steve Flesch were solid, if not unspectacular in their roles. Faxon would be a great tower commentator (17th hole).
-Tom Weiskopf- unafraid to voice an opinion; in a revamped lineup I’d put him in the 16 hole tower.
-Graphics (when in use). The leaderboard was clean and the font they used easily readable. Having a top-five leaderboard on the screen at all times might have been overkill early on, but definitely something I’d like to see more of for weekend (especially final round) coverage.
-Drones (when in use). They should have been using the drone hole previews a lot more, especially on Sunday when you have casual fans tuning in.
-No Chris Berman. Not having to listen to him babble like a drunk in a bar was the one positive in their Thursday/Friday coverage; he might well be great hosting football and baseball, but it does not equate to being good at golf (regardless of if he plays or not).
BAD:
-Joe Buck. They’re trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Maybe you bump him to the host role (think Bob Costas on NBC’s US Open coverage), but for someone who’s covered Super Bowls and World Series, he seemed completely out of his element on Sunday evening. He was good conducting the interview with Jordan Spieth…maybe that’s his role going forward. It’s not a knock on Joe Buck; it’s about putting people in roles they’re good at.
Curt Menefee. He’s good at football. He’s terrible with golf. The four-five person booth might work great for an NFL pregame and halftime setup, but for golf it was too many people (CBS and NBC have two at a time…it’s cleaner and it works better). They tried having him host their UEFA Champions League Final coverage which was a similar bust. Maybe he’d be a good fit for baseball.
-The crawl. For early round coverage, that FOX didn’t have a crawl with the entire field (on Thursday) listed is borderline criminal. For a network that spearheaded giving the viewer more information, this was laughable. I kept flipping over the Golf Channel as they had one. They hired Mark Loomis away, and something relatively simple and frankly, expected by viewers and they can’t be bothered. They didn’t run it much on the weekend coverage either.
-Early coverage. To come on the air and not show actual golf…WHY EVEN BOTHER? When in doubt, show golf shots! It’s not that hard!
-Mike Davis interview. I’ve seen pillow fights that were tougher. I know…the USGA is their partner. But you didn’t have one or two players being critical of the course and the setup. The guy who won was critical of the setup. Ask tough questions. It’s okay. It’s not like they’re going anywhere.
UGLY:
-Holly Sanders. They hire someone from the Golf Channel, and rather than use her knowledge of golf, they have her do the post-round interviews (99.9% of which are completely pointless). I did like the graphic showing their score in the background, but a complete and total waste of talent. Here’s a crazy idea- have her anchor coverage.
-Rules. You have David Fay in the booth explaining things, but for audiences watching with no sound, a graphic showing the rule being applied would be a great addition (they do this with their NFL coverage). When Grace hit his tee shot on 16 way right (I was on the phone at the time so I had the volume on mute), I didn’t know if it was O.B. or considered to be in a hazard. The orange traffic cones I saw aren’t covered in any rule book. Again- when in doubt, give the viewer as much info as possible.
-Dustin Johnson interview after the 4th round. As in why didn’t they have one? He had one putt to win the championship and a second to get into a playoff…missed both. I get it- he feels awful, but this is your job to flag him down and ask him questions. To borrow from the late great Ken Venturi, from his first putt, he needs to take 5 out of the equation. Meaning, at worst, leave yourself a tap-in for a playoff. It’s not unreasonable to ask him a few questions (ask him about the number of short putts he missed- was it spike marks, was it a read issue…what?).
-USGA Playoff Format. In any other tournament they’d have kept playing (daylight wasn’t an issue), but this being the US Open, we’d send everyone home Sunday night without a winner and force an 18-hole playoff on Monday, which is beyond silly (the Masters goes to a sudden death playoff like every other PGA Tour event, while the PGA Championship and the Open Championship use 4 and 3-hole aggregate score playoffs). If the USGA is so against sudden death, then why do they use it after an 18-hole playoff (see 1994 and 2008 US Opens). Go to a 3-hole aggregate playoff, and send people home Sunday night with a winner.
ALL OF THE ABOVE:
-Greg Norman. At times he was insightful; other times he was long-winded and seemingly incapable of making a coherent point. With a better anchor who could keep him on point, I think he could be a solid main analyst. He’s not Faldo nor is he Miller, but he has the ability to improve. The question I’m asking is this- given his worldwide businesses that he runs, does he want to put in the work to become a world-class analyst? Given their limited portfolio of events (if we’re being honest, you’re looking at the Open, Senior Open, Women’s Open and the Amateur as the four main events that FOX has) it’s not unreasonable to ask if Norman is going to put in the time for four weeks’ work.
OVERALL:
As I predicted, this was never going to work well, and I continue to question the logic (beyond money) of the USGA’s decision to go to FOX for the next 11 years (after this one). It’s hard to see them going after golf (they have NASCAR and baseball rights on weekends, and I don’t see Golf Channel/NBC or CBS giving up their current rights without having something to replace it) so they’re going to continue to be a part-time player (like ESPN, who shows the Open Championship and early-round Masters coverage and that’s it) in golf. Long term I still think that the Masters will take early-round rights to Golf Channel, and I think NBC/Golf Channel goes hard now that the bidding process is underway for the Open Championship.
FOX did some good things, but still made far too many mistakes that viewers shouldn’t have to tolerate. I can only hope that next year at Oakmont (as traditional of a US Open course as you can get) they do a better job.
While I consider myself open to new courses, it’s lousy treatment, poor pace of play and terrible course conditions (or a combination of those) that keep me from returning to certain courses. Other courses have simply fallen off my radar as other options become easier and simpler.
I’ve never heard much about Poolesville Golf Course. I knew it was part of the MCG portfolio, but that was really it. I’d ask folks about it, and nobody really had much to say about it. Ask the average golfer in the area, and they’ll tell you about the known entities in the area. Which is good. So it was in this vein that I set off for the hour-long drive to the great unknown that was Poolesville Golf Course.
As I pulled into an empty parking lot at daybreak, I’d be lying if I wasn’t overly optimistic. I saw what appeared to be a dilapidated building on one side (labeled as a pavilion), and something that was purporting to be a clubhouse on the other. I walked in with clubs in tow, and found the pro shop where I paid my green fee. Another lengthy stroll to where the carts were, and I’d be lying if I was starting to wonder what exactly I was in for. There is a large practice green adjacent to the cart area where I hit a few chips and tried to get loose. A few minutes later, I set off with one of their starters (playing on his day off) and another regular. A duffed tee shot did little for my state of being.
Sometimes, you just have to wait around, open your eyes, and see what you want to see. I suppose that this is really Poolesville Golf Course in a nutshell. You can see an old dilapidated pavilion and a rather dated pro shop building, or you can look closer. It’s when you stop to look closer that you find that reward.
On the green on #2. Man aged to 2-putt for a good par.
Poolesville is relatively flat, but that shouldn’t mean to say it’s boring. There are elevation changes but they’re more subtle; nuanced, if you will. Fairways are generous but not overly so; good shots will be rewarded. There’s not serious trouble that’s a few feet from the fairway, but wayward shots can and will get punished. The picture of #2 above is a good example; there’s slope but it’s not windmill and clown’s mouth time (565 from the white tees means that this is a big-boy hole). The greens look flat, but there’s a lot more slope in them than you’d think.
It’s not tricked up on any level, but it’s certainly not easy either. The best of the bunch on the front side is #8, a difficult par 3 requiring a carry over water to a green that slopes from back to front. The 7th is a shorter (515 from the white tees) par 5 but one that still requires three good shots to the green.
The back nine is where the genius comes out. The 10th hole is a fairly pedestrian par 4 (holes 1 and 10 have the same teeing ground so there’s always a few folks there), but then the toughest stretch on the course awaits you. The 11th hole is a short par 5 but it requires a carry over water to a smallish landing area. There is a flag in the middle of the fairway that is a great place to aim, if being in the fairway is your thing (I chose to go right and have to punch out with a hooded 4-iron).
11th Hole at Poolesville. Don’t miss short. Or left. Or right. Just aim for the flag.
The 12 hole is a long par 4 where left is dead (if you’re guessing that I went left and was dead…you’d be right). 13 is a par 3 that plays long to a tight and well-protected green. Yes, those are white (OB) stakes past the forward tee.
13th hole at Poolesville. Just hit it on the green and you’ll be fine.
The 16th hole is another knee-knocker. It requires a tee shot over a small ravine to a cambered fairway. The green is no pushover as it has some nasty slopes that protects against approach shots that go long and left (so thanks for that). It’s not a crusher on the card, but it flat-out punishes bad shots.
16th hole at Poolesville. I’d say hit it in the fairway.
The 18th hole is a bit of a damp squib. Other than being a bit longish and having an elevated tee box, it looks very similar to #9 (which runs parallel to it). My pushed second shot ended up in the bunker, but I managed to save par with a 20-footer that I sank, which put a nice end to my round.
Poolesville 18th hole. Hopefully my bunker raking skills were satisfactory.
All in all I enjoyed my round. We went off second and while we pushed the group in front of us we weren’t waiting on them, and got around in a fairly reasonable 3 hours and 15 minutes. For a Saturday morning it’s quite satisfactory. While I ride almost exclusively, other than couple lengthy hikes between holes it’s not the worst walk in the world. It’s flat and most of the holes are close to each other. No beverage cart but the water stations had fresh cold water (which went down pretty well given the heat and humidity).
Poolesville has two challenges. It’s a hike from anywhere in the area, which won’t change. The other challenge is that they don’t have a snack bar or halfway hut. You can go into the pro shop and buy pop, Gatorade and beer and some candy and chips, but that’s about it. This is a relatively easy fix, if you ask me.
I won’t lie about the drive. It’s a long haul, and morons at MDOT (or Morons Doing 0 about Traffic) who decided to close I-370 to one lane for repaving certainly didn’t help (nothing like seeing 10-12 workers sitting around shooting the bull when there’s a 20-minute backup) things. But take that away, and it’s a hidden gem that’s in great shape. Maybe they don’t have a “signature” hole, and maybe they need a snack bar (seriously- get a snack bar; it’ll make money). But for $20 cheaper than Falls Road and Northwest, it’s a relative value and a course worth the drive.
If you’re playing today and you’re either taking your dad and/or being treated by your son/daughter, remember that pace of play is a wonderful thing. And please, don’t get the weepies on the course.
My feelings about FOX covering the US Open mirror the iconic Dead Kennedys early 1980’s take on MTV:
The good news is that after this weekend this bunch will only be around another 11 years. So there’s that.
Years ago, at least two or three jobs ago, the Bethesda-based company I worked for ran a golf league at Falls Road. So once a week we’d go to Falls Road and play 9 holes in the evenings. It was a great way to have fun and play golf. I still have many happy memories of playing there.
Despite the clusterf**k that is Montgomery County traffic controls (especially in the Bethesda-Potomac area), I like to make the hike down there to see what’s happening.
My round on Saturday, if it were a highlight reel, would have this as the soundtrack (just click on it- it really makes everything better):
It was a cascade of shit in the form of el hozel chips, bad approach shots, and 37 putts (I never did get the pace down…which is a nice way of saying I putted like crap).
Falls Road, based on Saturday’s round in full-blown summer heat and humidity, is still catering to the masses and is still offering up a playable yet challenging course.
The first three holes shouldn’t pose much of a challenge, although #2, while on the card appearing to be a reachable par 5, has a very tight landing area to an uphill green.
The challenge really starts on the 4th hole, which is a par 5 protected to the left side by a giant tree (that unlike the giant tree protecting the second green at Maryland National, is still standing). Shots to the left or into the gully offer no real chance of hitting the green. The fifth hole (pictured below) is a tough par 3 with no bailout.
5th hole at Falls Road. Don’t miss long, left, right or short.
The seventh hole, for those who play there on occasion, has been toughened up with a hazard that runs the width of the fairway (for shorter hitters it doesn’t really come into play, but for longer hitters or for someone who tattoos one…you might want to give club selection some thought).
Falls Road 7th hole. Note the hazard where there used to be fairway. Jerks.
The back nine (or second nine if you prefer) is largely unchanged. The 12th-15th holes remain as tough of a stretch of holes of any public course in the state (I’d put Blue Mash #1-#4 only because they start you with that crusher) before you get three relatively easier holes to finish the round (#16, while on the card appearing to be relatively easy, is anything but- the tee shot has to carry a hazard and the green is well protected with junk left and a giant bunker to the right).
Two issues- the greens were a bit soft (they were watering them yesterday morning) and the rough was pretty thick and lush (any shots that missed the fairway were dead). I understand why they’re watering the greens because they don’t want to lose them especially with the spate of heat and humidity, but keeping the tall cabbage around grinds pace of play to a halt (it’s not like it rained Friday morning when they could have cut the roughs down).
Falls Road is still a pain in the ass to get to and pace of play can be brutal on a busy weekend, but once you’re there, you’ll find a course that still offers a pretty good setup.
In that note of “things I discovered in the late 90’s”, I discovered Everything But the Girl during a phase of enjoying the slightly less rage/angry music. Not their biggest hit but for me, this was my favourite song:
I’m hoping to put together a US Open preview blog before Thursday where I’ll try to pick a winner…or most likely I’ll get it wrong beyond words.
I have never been graced with fantastic putting skills. I can hit the ball fairly well and my chipping and wedge play is decent, but more often than not, my putting has torpedoed more rounds than I can count.
My latest band-aid has come from the good people at Odyssey Golf, with their new Odyssey Works Versa 2-Ball Fang that they rolled out at the start of the year (all photos are mine- sorry about the lighting). The standard model comes with a standard grip, but the one I purchased came with the larger grip (shown below). I have found that I tend to not get as wristy or as prone to pushes and pulls with the larger grip.
My new flat stick. The rug really ties the room together.
I’m not yet a putter hoarder- I have an original Ping Craz-E that someone christened “a spatula”, I have an old Ping A-Blade that was a gift from my late aunt (who introduced me to the game over 30 years ago), and I have a Scotty Cameron Newport Detour that I’ll throw in the bag (I like it enough but it’s a bit light for me- on fast greens…it’s great).
While we suffered through a long, cold, and snowy winter, I read up and researched putters. Once the weather got nice, I headed over to Golf Galaxy (it’s literally the only option- they’re nice enough but don’t take that as an endorsement) to demo the three I found that I thought would help me: The Odyssey that I ended up buying, a Ping Scottsdale (the Carefree, which looks like the next generation of the Craz-E line), and a Scotty Cameron GoLo.
The Cameron putters are works of art and the price tag reflects this. Unfortunately, I need more of an alignment aid than the Cameron offers. If you’re someone who wants a blade putter and doesn’t mind dropping the coin, I cannot recommend them enough.
The Ping never felt good in my hands, and I never felt comfortable over the ball. I kept finding that I was pulling putts, and for whatever reason it didn’t meet my eye test. If you’re shopping for a new putter, take a look at their product- it wasn’t for me but they still make great equipment.
And I guess that’s my take-away. Try different models. Don’t go in locked into one model.
So back to the Odyssey. The 2-ball putter has been around for close to a decade, and the simplicity of it really caught my eye. It’s easy to line up (see photo below).
Odyssey Works Versa 2-Ball Fang (top of putter- looking down)
Standing over a putt, it’s super-easy to line up, and more than the Cameron, felt very smooth going back and at impact. Off the face of the putter, the ball began rolling pretty quickly. Below is the bottom of the putter.
Bottom of Putter
I’ve used it now for five rounds and I’m definitely taking fewer putts. More importantly, my first putt is ending up in tap-in range (or at a minimum within the Circle of Trust/Circle of Friendship that you’d like to be in), and I’m not seeing the misses because of pushes and pulls.
If you’re in the market for a new flat stick, do your homework online and don’t be afraid to try different models. Ask questions, and hopefully make plenty of putts.
Unrelated, I watched (for 30 second) the self-indulgent crap-fest that was the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Awards Ceremony. They’ll never get in, and their chances of reuniting for a tour are probably nil. But for a few years in the 1980’s, The Smiths were, in my opinion, unlike anything else. The genius was always Johnny Marr’s rickenbacker guitar, and not the lead singer. If you’re unfamiliar, listen and you’ll see what I mean.
Being someone who watched infomercials but never bought anything from them, I’ve nonetheless had an odd fascination about them, and few commercials have held my interest quite as much as Peter Kessler narrating “The Perfect Club” infomercial. If you watched Golf Channel at any point from 1999-2005 you probably saw it at least once. If you have seen it, you know what I’m talking about. If not, this was before the Sham Wow Guy, but after the wave of 1980’s/early 1990’s infomercials. Peter Kessler narrates this magnum opus of schlock, and he’s craptastic. Who’s Peter Kessler? He worked for Golf Channel in its infancy as one of their studio analysts. He always had that horrible uncomfortable way of fawning over people (so not much change from the current crop). There are days where I’d pay money to see him back on the air if only because it would be hilarious.
Kessler staring at you. Try looking away. You can’t.
I’m not the first person to find a weird enjoyment from obscure video. The master (for me) is Sean McIdoe of Grantland and Down Goes Brown, who has made this a thing on a weekly basis. Which is why he’s a better writer than I am, and has a fantastic book that you should buy if you love hockey and/or have a sense of humour and why I’m writing a blog during nights and weekends.
First off, the commercial. Watch it. Stare at it. Let Peter Kessler’s narration take over your body the same way eating Taco Bell and a bottle of Thunderbird takes over your body. Let it wash over you.
We start with Kessler wearing the triple-pleated slacks that say “damn I love nothing better than a chicken Caesar salad and bud light while speaking to a guy wearing to-the-calf socks with a woman who serves no purpose than to stand there. Do you think phone sex ads are more degrading or less degrading than this? I’m going to point out that this was the Big Golf era- pants were bigger, shirts were bigger, the big straw hats were in, you had housing developments with courses being built as quickly as they could, and yes- even clubs were getting bigger (the driver they’ll get to is only 370cc compared to the current 460cc that everything is built at). It was a weird time, what can I say.
Submitted for your approval.
0.29: He’s supposed to be staring at the guy’s swing, but I’m saying he’s looking somewhere higher. The way he says “that was better”…I mean, holy crap could that possibly be any more creepy? If someone said that to me in that voice on the range I’m about 99% sure I’d be curled up in a room crying while listening to nothing but Sarah McLachlan and Tori Amos. If you heard that from the guy in the stall next to yours at the range, you’d run, right? Or take up lawn bowling.
0.34: No, really dude…maybe you could waggle that thing a few more times. I’m blaming Sergio’s waggle-fests on you. I don’t know this for sure, but I think you’re permitted to bludgeon to death anyone in the group in front of you that waggles like that. Say hello to five-hour rounds.
0.55: And here we go into “Peter Kessler narrates things in a creepy manner” time. Can you imagine calling a phone sex hotline and getting this instead? You’re welcome for that visual. Try sleeping tonight and not hearing that.
1.06: Yes, stunning distance indeed! Notice how the ball doesn’t stay on the green? I hope she has an Alien Wedge!
1.40: Clearing that water hazard shouldn’t be a problem. But the one short of the bunker? Most 20-handicappers are putting the next one either in the sand or the next county.
1:51: Who wears long pants like that? Is that so we don’t see the knee-high black socks? And by the way, what level of creepy is “it will increase your fun?” I mean, do you get a bottle of tequila and some painkillers?
2:13: I’m glad that Peter Kessler wants me to know that none of this was staged and that they were filmed during a single shoot. Do you think that he only had to one-time the narration as well?
2:25: The perfect club is the perfect gift for the entire family? I’m getting one for She Who Is Really In Charge. Before she attempts to bludgeon me with it I’m telling her “but Peter Kessler said it was the perfect gift for the whole family!”
2:48: We’re now at that point where Kessler really puts on the sell as only he can. If only he’d have thrown in that the grips were made with Fine Corinthian Leather or something. This is someone who rubs one out to a Buick catalog.
3:08: I’m no expert but maybe if they could find a goddamn fairway off the tee they wouldn’t need this contraption. Seriously.
3:45: Seriously. It’s called a fairway. Before you give Kessler your money on this thing, maybe try some lessons, the Medicus driver or something similar? If you have this thing, the Medicus and the Alien wedge in your bag at the same time, are you legally required to use the old Ping 2-colour balls? I feel like you should be.
4:33: If I have dinner with my mother and she asks me about The Perfect Club I’m having her committed. There. I said it.
5:05: Proof that no millennials will ever buy this thing- when Kessler claims his mom tells him he’s not that good. Your average 25 year old hears this and they’re looking for a bridge to jump off or go on an unhinged rant on Twitter or Tumblr.
5:32: The stock video of this club floating around is something out of The Big Lebowski. I mean, you want to turn away but you just stare at it. But one correction- if you need this do-hickey to make golf fun again, you’re not trying very hard, or you haven’t tried getting your drink on during your round.
5:45: Now we’re at 100,000 golfers using this thing. Earlier is was 250K. Did that many old geezers die during filming or something?
6:05: Wait, there’s a Perfect Plus? How is that even possible? Are these people on the dope or something? Call it the Perfect Wood or Perfect Utility or Perfect Other Club.
6:24: Nice to see that they have discovered the fairway. Good on them.
6:38: Kessler staring at you is the stuff of restraining orders. And nightmares. Or Kessler becoming Peter Kessler Zombie Golf Equipment Shill.
6:45: If this club is the best thing to ever happen to your game, you’re not doing it right. Seriously.
7:13: When he says “high, long, soaring shots with” I’m honestly creeped out beyond words. How many people bought this thing to make the commercial go away?
7:40: My favourite club is the airplane bottle of scotch. That won’t change.
7:55: Did he get paid on how many times he used the word “perfect”? Do you think that perfect is his safe word because I’m pretty sure it is. Oh, and who says “4 and 5 pars”…rubes. Hayseeds. It’s a par-4 or a par-5. Get it together, man.
8:20: If you haven’t noticed they’re showing the same five-six shots over and over again.
8:51: I ask, they deliver…a 370cc Perfect Driver. And he’s not wearing the red shirt- did their production budget allow for a second shirt?
9:15: Notice they don’t show any of these shots landing. Clearly the camera guys were too smitten by Kessler to handle this.
9:48: Oh good…guy wearing golf sandals with a handicap that starts with “about”…if you’re actually serious you know your index. Mine just went up to 11.3 because the good rounds I had are falling off and being replaced by not-so-good ones. And Kessler is back in the red shirt. Awesome.
10:47: How far, exactly is that white flag that Wade is hitting it over? Is that where he’s aiming? Because I’ve seen plenty of guys who can hit it ten bells at the range but couldn’t find a fairway on an actual golf course.
11:15: Pin high and 20 yards left of the target is almost always an easy shot at most courses I play. By easy I mean “two chips and three putts later you’re probably done.” You’ll also notice that by this point Kessler has some truly spectacular man-boob (or moobs) sweat going. And not for anything but they couldn’t do any better than a driving range adjacent to an air field?
12:25: So sandals guy doesn’t carry a driver. I’ll bet he has two ball retrievers and one of those suction cup do-hickey things on his putter. And I bet he smokes giant cigars. Because of course.
13:00: DEAR GOD WHY IS HE STARING AT ME. MAKE IT STOP.
13:30: We get it. Same six shots we saw before. Oh- perfection costs $100 in steel and $125 in graphite. And it’s 39 inches long.
14:04: Now we get to the “let’s see what D-list PGA Tour professional will appear so they don’t show the photos of him/her co-mingling with livestock…allegedly”…oh my gawd that’s Larry Rinker’s music! Why did I have the club in his bag at Q-School? Because I like cash money, that’s why! Oh, and because Peter Kessler made a smooth jazz compilation that gets the women folk all crazy.
14:50: Your buddies on the PGA Tour? They don’t care what you’re using. You’re missing cuts and trunk-slamming on Fridays. “Played in 520 PGA Tour Events” translates to the equivalent of a participation trophy. Just saying. And can we talk about the fashion trend of having that top button buttoned on the golf shirt? Who thought that was a good idea? And that shirt…could it be a bit bigger? I mean, I know that this was the thing back then but it’s not like he’s trying to hide a gut or man-boobs.
15:29: That golfer with that swing is making my eyes bleed. You’ll notice that they don’t show the shots landing. Gee, I wonder why that is. Maybe because…oh, I don’t know- they’re landing in the rough?
15:51: Hateful? Not really…in fact, none of the lies they show him hitting out of look all that bad. I know what it’s like to have to chop out of some tall cabbage. That ain’t it, hoss. And by all means, let’s show those same six shots. Back…and to the left. Back…and to the left.
16:25: Golf is meant to be fun? Wow…that’s some zen bullshit there. Thanks. You know what’s fun? Making birdies, the way that first cold beer tastes, and piping a drive about 280 in the fairway.
17:14: If The Perfect Club is actually Perfect, why does it need a companion? I’m calling Shenanigans!
17:33: Great shot…as it rolls off the green into god only knows what kind of trouble. Derp derp.
17:52: I promise…it’s perfect. Must. Stop. Looking. At. His. Eyes.
18:20: If she’s a teaching professional and has “an atrocious golf swing” maybe I’m not calling her for lessons.
19:28: I’m openly rooting for her to hit the lip and have the ball knock Kessler unconscious. Is that wrong? Oh, and shall we point out that her shot went from one bunker to another? How is that successful? Ask yourself this- would you rather have, say, 100 yards from the fairway or a tight bunker shot when anything long is in the water?
20:08: Her second shot landed 40-50 yards short of the green. Sounds easy to me!
20:29: Ladies and gentlemen we have The Perfect Driver! 370cc of supposed driving fury! Love the old geezer pulling one left. He’s fascinating. Am I the only one who thinks he’s the guy on Facebook who forwards you all the crazy-pants stuff about how the boogeyman is going to come and take your money, or how Obama is a Secret Muslim Terrorist Grand Wizard Mason who is part of a secret cartel who control the earth’s rotation?
20:41: Again- not showing the shots land. How many did they put into that lake for this shoot?
21:19: Oh good, let’s take a gander at George. I’m fairly certain he thinks Bigfoot is real. He’s wearing a microphone and has the battery pack on his belt. I’m sure that he wears that all the time. Do you think he owns a metal detector? I’m saying yes.
23:45: We’re still with George, the 14-handicapper at the driving range adjacent to the airport, except it’s earlier in the day than it was before. I’ve got ten bucks that says this guy is the guy who goes into the woods looking for golf balls. Yes, you’re aiming at the pink flag but your ball is heading toward the yellow one. Either George here is color blind or he’s not a professional. Sorry Peter.
24:19: Next up in the parade of old white guys is TC. His index is “about a ten” which is bullshit. Your handicap index (if you have one) is a number. No “abouts”, no “sort of’s”, “kind of’s” or anything like it. My index, as of June 1st, is 11.3. Not “about a ten” or “sort of an eleven” but an 11.3. Period. If you keep track of this (and you should) then there’s no ambiguity. Kessler also points out that TC isn’t wearing golf shoes. He finishes up by hitting a few shots that, to this trained eye, appear to be leaking to the right (not that I’d know or anything).
So that’s pretty much that. That’s the Perfect Club, which, if you’re so inclined, is available on ebay. Peter Kessler narration is extra.
When PB Dye Golf Course opened in 1999, it was during the boom of course openings that ran from the late 1990’s through the early 2000’s. Unlike many courses that opened during this boom, the course is thankfully not smack dab in the middle of a housing development. The course sits largely by itself, making me wonder how they got it right when so many got it so terribly wrong.
I first played PB Dye at a waggle.com 2-man best-ball outing in 2006, when we were suffering from a drought and a heat wave, leaving the rough burned out and the fairways and greens being heavily watered to keep them from burning up. My assessment that day was a course with great bones that was a victim of circumstances not of its own doing.
It was in that vein that, after a nine-year wait, I re-visited PB Dye. Now under the management of Billy Capser Golf, I was curious what having a large management company would do for the course and for the overall experience.
Overall, while the course has enough railroad ties to satisfy the most bizarro of railroad tie fetishes (if that’s your thing), he certainly has plenty of tricks up his sleeve. While his design is very much what you’d expect from the Dye family, there’s enough there that it doesn’t feel like nothing more than a “best of” design that PB Dye’s father might have put together in a moment of cynicism.
Upon arrival I was greeted by a friendly starter who loaded our bags onto our cart and pointed us to the pro shop where I checked in and took care of our greens fee and asked if I wanted to purchase range balls. I declined, but if you’re one to want to get some swings in, they have a real green grass range that, upon inspection, looked to be in decent shape. There’s a large practice green that doesn’t allow chipping and a smaller practice green that does allow chipping.
The range at PB Dye.
After my playing partner got himself ready for the day ahead, we headed to the first hole which is adjacent to the range. It’s something of a handshake hole if you were to look at the card (307 yard par 4 from the blue tees which on the card come out to just under 6400 yards for the entire course) you’d think “easy pickings” and you would be wrong. The hole (as are most holes) are very well protected against wayward shots, but yet offer a bail out area short of the green. A poor second shot left me having to scramble to save bogey.
1st hole at PB Dye. What could go wrong here?
A ridiculously short second hole (119 yards from the blue tees) this demands deadly accuracy leafs to a short par 5 third hole that starts to expose Dye’s design genius- the tee shot truly dictates the second shot; it’s not just ‘give it a rip and then give it another rip’ it makes you do that most unpleasant of things…think.
The eighth hole at PB Dye is more of his genius. A long par three to a plateau green with a nice thoughtful rock formation as a good aiming point…unfortunately my par putt slipped by leaving me with a bogey. The 9th hole punishes any shots to the right with a water hazard, while anything left will be left with a tricky bunker shot or worse.
The 10th hole is more risk-reward. A short par 4 offers big hitters a chance to drive the green, but wayward shots will be punished severely. The 11th is your classic Dye “short par 3 surrounded by water and worse”; anything left or short is wet, long and/or right is nearly impossible to recover from.
Aim for the rock. Bring plenty of club.
After a shortish par 3 to a very tricky green, the 15th hole is a visual nightmare for golfers, requiring a forced carry over a ravine/waste area . However, a well-placed power fade/cut shot will be rewarded.
15th hole. It only looks impossible to carry the waste area.
The finishing hole is a visually intimidating but shortish par 4 that requires you to negotiate with water left and a second shot over another waste area. Nothing impossible but visually, it can scare the easily intimidated.
With Maryland having a bit of a dry spell some of the rough areas were a bit brown, and the tee boxes were, if we’re being honest, in poor shape and had been pretty chewed up. Having said that, the fairways were in good shape and the greens were in similar shape. Any issues is more to do with the weather than anything else.
Overall, it’s a fantastic test of golf, and for a design surname that people associate with the unusual and bizarre, PB Dye is a playable track that isn’t all that tarted up. There are a few tricks here and there, but for the most part, it’s a course that rewards shotmaking, accuracy, and being able to think your way around a course. I wouldn’t put PB Dye on an absolute “must play” for visitors to the area, but friendly service, green grass range and plenty of risk-reward holes make it a track well worth taking visitors to. Bring plenty of balls and be prepared to have to think your way around.
The calendar says it’s Memorial Day weekend and the weather people say we’re due for a fairly intense heat wave starting on Monday, but none of that was apparent on Saturday the 23rd when I made the lengthy trek out to Little Bennett to start my weekend. At tee off it was 37 degrees, making me quite glad I had a fleece in addition to my wind shirt that I wear most early morning rounds.
Little Bennett #2. Hadn’t warmed up yet.
Because of its somewhat remote location it’s not always on the top of everyone’s “must play” list in the area, and I’m sure you could find better (and more expensive) courses in the area. Sure, there’s a couple windmill holes (#3 especially, and #13 to a lesser degree given the slope of the green) but it was and still is a fantastic test of golf.
Little Bennett 5th Hole. Don’t be left or right.
The tee boxes and fairways were in fantastic shape except for a couple of the par 3’s that had several divots but the area around them was fine (just needed to move the tee boxes and give the area a break). The greens were good, but not great. Not sure if it was that they hadn’t been rolled but the first few holes were a bit bumpy.
Little Bennett’s genius, from an architectural point of view, are the par 5’s and are, in my opinion, among the toughest on the course. The first hole gets your attention with a forced carry over a ravine, and it’s a slight double dog-leg that will require three good shots. The 5th hole requires a tight tee shot over a ravine through a chute of trees and has a green with a severe slope. The 11th hole is all about position for your third shot to a tight and well protected green. The 14th hole is dead anything left but also requires good positioning for the approach shot.
Little Bennett #14. Don’t Go Left (I did and it’s not fun).
Managed to bang home my first two birdies of the year, knocking a 9-iron to four feet on #2 and pitching to 8 feet on #12 and making both putts. A double on #15 didn’t do much for my ego, but I only had one three-putt (on #13), which is very easy to do unfortunately.
Little Bennett 12th Hole. Birdies Are Good.
I got up and down on the last two holes to save par for a solid 82. My chipping was inconsistent, and it’s hard to break 80 with three double-bogeys. If you’re not keeping track of fairways hit, greens in regulation and putts per hole, you’re not helping yourself. I’ve been doing this for years and it helped me understand the value of of putting, and where blow-up holes come from. Scores on the doors:
Scorecard from my round.
I used my new flat stick (review coming), and managed to one-putt six greens (with only one three-putt).
Last July 4th weekend, under weather too good to be true, I had what was easily the worst round I’ve had in more than 15 years; a complete meltdown in every facet of my game that led to the first triple-digit score since playing in the Myrtle Beach World Amateur back in 2001.
Yesterday, with summertime humidity making an all-too-early return to the area I went off at daybreak at Redgate, determined to not have another meltdown. As much as it pains me, the complete meltdown in my swing that day got into my head and if nothing else, showed me what touring pros and elite golfers talk about when they simply lose their swing. I had zero confidence that I could consistently put the ball in the fairway and on the green, and with a putter in my hand I had even less confidence.
Last week’s round at Hampshire Greens gave me hope and optimism (at least tee to green) that the slump that I had been in since that fateful July morning was a thing of the past.
The course was in decent shape; the greens were in good shape (they’ve almost always been in great shape over the last five or six years) and the fairways were in good shape. The 11th green was in improved shape (not sure how much they can realistically do). The tee boxes were a mixed bag; if you play at Redgate I’d suggest bringing a hammer to put a tee in the ground (I’m not kidding) for #12. The second hole isn’t much better. While the trees that surround both holes offer plenty of cool shade on hot days, the issue is that there’s no grass to speak of (it’s not for lack of effort from the superintendent and their team).
While they did manage to put sod down on the 16th tee, the ground below it is still very firm and the sod is not exactly fairway cut so while I appreciate the improvement, it’s still a work in progress. They did, however, build a stone retaining wall and steps for the 15th hole (the short par 3). My only concern is that in wet conditions the stone might be a bit slick, but on a dry (albeit humid) morning everything was fine. The hole still needs a windmill, a clown’s mouth and possibly dynamite, but one small step is a good step nonetheless.
New sod on 16th tee at Redgate. Hammer optional.
If you’re unfamiliar with Redgate, you know the first three holes are fairly pedestrian (not that you can’t get into trouble). The 4th hole is one of their “blow up” holes (as in after it blows up your scorecard you’ll want to blow it up with explosives), and I did just that with a nice cool 7.
Somehow I managed to get things turned around, and was able to save my butt on several holes by getting up and down to save par. Other than #12 and #14 I kept the back nine fairly clean, and was able to finish with a 12-foot par saving putt on the last to come in with a nice even 80. Scores on the doors:
The damage from my May 16th round. No complaints here.
So that’s a 20 shot improvement over last July’s utter debacle if you’re scoring at home (or even if you’re alone). Driving home, I felt like I had buried some of the mental demons that were unleashed last July.
Redgate is still a work in progress, but it’s a reasonably affordable option for golf in the area and the course is, in the main, in good shape. It’s cheaper than Falls Road (I paid $59 for an early morning weekend with no discounts) and has a better short game area than it’s Potomac neighbour.
Lastly, while the Toronto Maple Leafs are still horribly, my sympathies go out to the Caps fans. I was pulling for them and would have loved to see them advance. But more importantly, I take solace that the Montreal Canadiens are out as well. Fellow Leafs fans Bloge Salming and Down Goes Brown (you can read DGB’s work on Grantland under his real name Sean McIdoe and it’s outstanding). Their video ode to the Habs remains a staple that I break out once they’re eliminated from the playoffs. If you’re reading this and you’re a Habs fan…yes, I get the joke (Leafs fan writing about golf) and your other collection of jokes that are older than dirt. Go tell someone who cares.
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