Tag: United States Golf Association (page 3 of 5)

Your US Open Recap You Probably Expected

Less awkward than Diana Murphy's presentation yesterday (sponsored by grain alcohol).

Less awkward than Diana Murphy’s presentation yesterday (sponsored by grain alcohol).

For the second consecutive year, the self-appointed guardians of the game who conduct this country’s national championship have provided the viewing public with proof that they should never be allowed to conduct a tournament or hand out a trophy (have another drink, Ms. Murphy!) again.  Seriously, just when I thought Gary Bettman had a monopoly on horrible trophy presentations, USGA President Diana Murphy doubles down on stupid (in my happy place they start getting booed similar to Bettman’s annual rite of passage).  At least Bettman is sober when handing out the Stanley Cup.  Grab those dandruff-filled blazers and burn them all.

Maybe just have Nicklaus or Player hand out the US Open trophy for a while.

Maybe just have Nicklaus or Player hand out the US Open trophy for a while.

 

First off, congratulations to Dustin Johnson for having to endure needless mental hardship inflicted by the USGA.  The issue occurred on the 5th hole (where he discussed the issue with a rules official AND his playing partner; at which point it should have been done and dusted), and Johnson was notified on the 12th hole that they’d want to take another look at it after his round.  Why don’t they just have phones going off in his backswing on every hole (and whoever that turd-wrangler whose phone went off while he was hitting his approach on 18, I hope you get eaten by a bear) or have some drunken rube yell “NOONAN!” while he was putting.

If you look at the video, it’s very difficult to see where the ball moves if you view it at regular focus at normal speed (it does, but it takes a super-slo-mo camera and blowing up the picture to see it move).  He didn’t ground his club and he didn’t address the ball.  As Frank Nobilo pointed out, there were 3 incidents (including Johnson’s) of virtually similar things happening.  One didn’t get penalized even through the player clearly grounded his club behind the ball.  In Johnson’s case, he got a rules official involved who said it was no penalty.  Right there should have been the end of it (or at worst, stop him after the hole and review it).  The player, his playing partner and the rules official all said it was fine.  Instead, the USGA, seemingly unhappy unless they manage to piss off the players competing in their national open and 99.99% of people watching, had to get involved after the fact.

What next- an NRL-style (rugby league) bunker where officials will monitor every hole and buzz down if there’s a problem?

Coming soon to a golf tournament near you.

Coming soon to a golf tournament near you.

Of course, this is the USGA, and having seen their prototype, I’m leaking the following photo of their new Rules Bunker that they will employ for the 2017 USGA Championships.

The USGA Rules Enforcement Bunker!

The USGA Rules Enforcement Bunker!

Rarely, if ever, have I seen a group of his fellow touring professionals take to social media to support Johnson and destroy whatever shroud of dignity that the USGA might have had (after this weekend they’ve nothing left).  The worst part is that every one of them was right.  I’ve previously voiced that the USGA serves no purpose and should be disbanded, and after numerous screw-ups at their marquee event, it’s time to administer the last rites and send the USGA to the farm.  It’s not to say that the USGA should turn their national championship into an event where the winner shoots 22 under to win.  Look at the Masters.

The PGA Tour conducts tournaments every week, and somehow, they’re able to conduct tournaments without losing the golf course (that they did lose the course this year at the Players Championship was very much the exception and not the rule).  So instead of having people that do this for a living, you have people who do this 1-4 times a year (assuming that they also set up the US Senior Open, the US Women’s Open and the US Amateur), with only one of these events played by the PGA Tour professionals.

In the link (I’m unable to embed the video), Brandel Chamblee goes after the issue with having a fetish over green speeds (he points out that Augusta National, the R&A and the PGA of America don’t do this).  Oakmont, of all courses, does not need to be tricked up.  After their debacle the last two years (2014 and 2015) of losing the golf course, Oakmont should have been a layup.  A course whose natural agronomy has quick greens and thick rough (literally they don’t need to do anything).  Instead, the USGA tries to trick the course up because they have to “protect” par (this idea needs to be removed from their collective brains).  They wouldn’t have to do any of this golf course kabuki theater of the insane  if they had done what Jack Nicklaus had told them to do 30 years ago (go to a tournament ball).  I’ll point out that if the USGA had greens running at a more normal speed, then the ball wouldn’t move (try balancing a golf ball on a sloped hardwood floor to get the idea).

Instead, as Chamblee points out, because the USGA didn’t rein in the ball, we’re left with 2 options: 8,000 yard courses or let scores become what they become.  On twitter I joked about when we will see a 700-yard par 5 (but I wasn’t kidding).  As Gary Player pointed out, the 8,000 yard courses are ungodly expensive (more turfgrass, more water, more fertilizer, more people to care for the course) and are sending the wrong message to the golfing public and running counter to what the USGA was touting a couple years ago.

The R&A has never worried about protecting par.  If someone shoots 15 under, so be it.  If the winning score is 4 over, then that’s okay as well (the weather can be a huge factor).  They don’t have this fetish about green speeds because the wind is a factor so they can’t turn greens into dining tables.  If the weather is mild with little wind, then scores are going to be lower.  If the wind gets up, then scores will go up.

The PGA of America doesn’t have this fetish over green speeds and protecting par.  They set up courses with some rough and some tucked hole locations, but nothing that gets to the absurd.  If the winning score is 8 under, then great.  If it’s 15 under because guys play lights out, then it’s no big deal (see Valhalla 2014 where you had McIlroy and Mickelson going at it with some fantastic golf).

While I’m having another go at the USGA, while it’s great that they were able to get the course in great shape after the storms on Thursday, it needs to be pointed out that your local golf course does not have a team of over 200 superintendents getting your course ready after a storm.  The folks who do this in our area do a great job by and large but there’s a practical limit to what they can do; tournament conditions should not be expected, but they can do a good job of keeping the course playable (and almost always do exactly this).

It’s nice that the USGA apologized on Monday (sort of) for the confusion, but that is literally closing the barn door after all of the horses got out.  You can say they avoided a fiasco (Jamie Diaz’ piece is a good read) but this was self-inflicted.  You simply can’t tell a player we “might” penalize you for something that a rules official said was fine (once the official cleared him, this should have been the end of it).  Johnson’s fellow competitors all thought it wasn’t a penalty, so this idea of protecting the field is nonsensical.

In the meantime, we can only hope that next year the USGA will take my initial call to action, and cease to exist.  They serve no purpose that can’t be handled by other entities and their relevance to average golfers like myself is zero.

As for FOX, their coverage is still miles below CBS at their worst (the 3-man booth interviews are terrible, there’s way too much dead air, Joe Buck needs to learn how to make a point and punt to his analysts, dumping Saturday off to FS1 for regular season baseball is absurd at best), but their use of Trackman is very good (CBS could do this tomorrow- would REALLY like to see this at the PGA Championship).  If you take FOX production and put it with an NBC/Golf Channel crew you’d have something (and there’s no way NBC would have dumped US Open coverage on the weekend to a cable outlet).

 

The US Open on Fox Drinking Game You’ll Need (2016 Edition)

He's back.  Prepare accordingly.

He’s back. Prepare accordingly.

After a debut that would be charitably described as poor, Fox Sports will air next week’s US Open (after next week only 10 more years of this dirge) from Oakmont CC in western Pennsylvania.  Greg Norman is no longer their main analyst, however Paul Azinger will step into the booth alongside Joe Buck.  I suppose this will be a good time to point out they’ve never worked together covering a major championship (Azinger did, however, work at ABC/ESPN in a 3-man booth with Nick Faldo and Mike Tirico and a 2-man booth with Tirico).  Here’s their new promo…see if you notice anything:

Other than Spieth and McIlroy, none of the people they showed are playing.  So the ad seems to say “tune in and see none of these golfers” which sounds a brilliant idea.  While the theme music was really good, I had something in mind more appropriate to their broadcasting expertise, or how I picture people going to their production meetings.

In that vein, if you tune in to watch, you’re going to need something to keep you going, and your faithful scribe has just the thing you need…a drinking game!  Yup, I’m dusting off the old and tired hack-worthy bit and creating your very own U.S. Open on Fox Drinking Game (the Oakmont 2016 version).  As always, drink responsibly, but if you don’t, then at least have a sober friend drive you to your AA meeting because drinking and driving isn’t cool.

Take 1 drink (sip) every time the following happen:

-Someone on the air refers to it as a tournament, and not a championship.

-Joe Buck correctly pronounces Centenario.

-A retired former Pittsburgh-area pro athlete is shown at the course wearing his team’s apparel.

-Any mentions of Tiger Woods during the broadcast.

-Any mentions of Spieth/McIlroy/Day/Mickelson during weekend coverage if they miss the cut.

-Any mentions of the Stimpmeter and how the greens are faster during Oakmont’s annual member-guest event.

-Any mentions of Paul Azinger’s 2008 Ryder Cup captaincy.

-Any mentions of Donald Trump.

-Any time there is more than 5 seconds of dead air.

Take 2 drinks (sips) every time any of the following happen:

-Fox mid-identifies what hole they’re showing.

-2 or more people are speaking at the same time on-air.

-Any mentions of Greg Norman.

-Mentions of Ernie Els winning in 1994 or Angel Cabrera winning in 2007.

-Mentions of Brad Faxon’s Ryder Cup record.

-Any mention of Tiger Woods and 18 majors (or for that matter, 18 majors).

-Any mentions of The Golf Boys video.

Take 3 drinks (sips) every time any of the following happen:

-Fox critiques the USGA course setup.

-Anyone on-air calls the USGA a group of idiots who couldn’t organize a 2-car parade.

-Any mentions of Mickelson’s gambling habits or his settlement with the SEC.

-Any mentions of Deer Antler Spray.

-Any mentions about OJ Simpson’s Bronco chase during the 2nd round of the 1994 US Open at Oakmont.

Take 4 drinks (sips) every time any of the following happen:

-Anyone says “Mike Davis is a turd wrangling asshole” on-air.

-Someone asks “why are we covering this event?” on-air.

-Anyone says “you know what would make this better…glow-pucks!”

-Someone on-air refers to the local area as a cesspool of inbred hayseeds and rubes.

-Anyone on-air references Benghazi.

-Someone says that the putting greens are too slow.

-Joe Buck is drinking out of a paper bag on-air.

-Joe Buck is reading tweets from Dan Jenkins about Sergio Garcia on-air with a fake Spanish accent.

-A post-tournament apology followed by “well folks, only 10 more years of us covering this event!”

-“Joe Buck has taken ill. Filling in for him will be GUS JOHNSON OH MY GAWD!!!”

However, no drinks for the following:

-Mentions of Johnny Miller’s 63.

-Any shots of people waiving those yellow towels that Pittsburgh people think is a thing.

-Random former Pittsburgh-area athletes on-air.

-Any mentions of Fox shows.

 

 

 

An Honest Man’s Guide to Golf for Beginners

If you’re anything like me (I’m really, really sorry), you love golf, and it would be nice if other people loved the game too.  We want the game to grow, and if I had a dollar for every poorly written work of fiction on how the game is dying, I could probably afford to go buy a new box of Pro V1X’s (mostly because I don’t read this garbage, and neither should you).

They look happy but inside they're emotionally dead and wondering where the beverage cart is.

They look happy but inside they’re emotionally dead and wondering where the beverage cart is.

However, if you’ve ever stumbled upon a golf course and seen the looks of sorrow, frustration and agony (and that’s just using the port-o-let…rim shot!), maybe you’ve thought “these people need help” and you wouldn’t be wrong.  Or, you thought “you know, I could use something that will take my money and my time, and leave me a complete disaster of a human being” but didn’t feel like heroin was addictive enough for your taste.  Worse, you stumbled upon a couple drunks swearing like sailors and mocking each other (otherwise known as the 19th hole) and thought “they look normal…this could be fun!”

Maybe, just maybe, you watched golf on television (remember that brutal weekend when everyone was snowed in a few weeks ago) and thought “wow, they’re outside in the sunshine and they look happy…and that looks like fun” and wondered about taking up the game.  That’s lovely what you’re thinking.  I can understand it.

Most golf publications have written articles geared towards beginners (yes, there are magazines devoted to golf!), except they’re written by people very much part of the golf industry.  The analogy of drug companies peddling drugs isn’t completely off base (they need people to buy their magazines, support their advertisers, and buy golf equipment).  These folks are well meaning but honestly, they have long forgot what it’s like to take up the game, and how to speak to someone who wants to join our fraternity of insanity.

Okay, so you’re still reading and aren’t in a coma…so you’ve got that going for you.  You want to learn the game.  So now what?  I’ve tried to spell out my version of a guide to the game for beginners, written for someone who doesn’t care (because I’m not vested if or where you spend your dollars) how you get into the game.  I hope you find the game enjoyable, and if this helps, then all the better.

I could joke about having someone come hit you in the head with a tire iron, but frankly that seems cruel.

You’re going to need equipment, lessons, and patience (and alcohol).

Equipment:

If you watch golf on television and don’t fall asleep, you’re what’s known as a captive audience.  If you’re watching the commercials during golf telecasts, you’ve noticed that it’s equal parts alcohol, cars, boner pills, and golf equipment (this is not what they mean by Golf’s Grand Slam, if you’re wondering) and ads for whatever company is sponsoring the tournament (if you don’t know, it’s okay- they’ll bring the CEO of the sponsor into the booth where Jim Nantz (Nantz’s safe word may or may not be “Hello Friends”) or Dan Hicks will verbally fellate them).  You already have at least one of these things (a car), to play golf you’ll need equipment (and possibly alcohol).  I’ll let you fill in your own answer about the boner pills.

Despite what you hear, you do not need the latest and greatest driver technology, and honestly, what kind of idiot spends $500 on a new driver?  Clearly, dropping $400 is a much more reasonable and rational decision.  Really.  I mean, that’s a smart investment!  Actually not really.  Let’s not judge what someone spends on a new driver…even if that new driver has 12 adjustments (12!) and increased my…I mean someone’s driving distance by 20 yards.  You don’t need this.  Not right now at least.

You, on the other hand, can buy an entire set of clubs for far less than $500.  If i were starting out, I’d look at used equipment.  Even the stuff that is 3-4 years old is still relevant in terms of technology for the most part.

Some brands (Wilson, Spalding/Top Flite) even make starter sets that include clubs and a bag.  Worth a look.

A limited starter set will include a driver (that club with the giant head), a hybrid club, a few irons, a wedge or two, and a putter which will get you started.  They sell mens, womens, and left handed clubs.  Left handed women?  Clubs are out there but in all honesty it’s not the easiest to find.

There are golf sections in most large sporting goods stores (Sports Authority, Dick’s), golf-specific stores (Golf Galaxy, Golfdom are your options here in the DMV).  You can look online, but I’d be careful about e-bay, as a good chunk of the stuff they have are fakes.  There is a site (Second Swing) that sells used clubs.  There are numerous online shops for golf equipment, but make sure they’re licensed to sell the brands they’re selling (selling cheap, knockoff equipment is more common than you’d think, and like other counterfeiters, the money you give them isn’t exactly supporting the Girl Scouts).

In addition to clubs, you’ll need golf balls.  Initially go cheap.  There’s no reason to pay $30-$45+ for a dozen balls.  Shop around and you can find good quality balls for less than $20 per dozen.  A golf glove isn’t a bad thing, but you should buy something synthetic (they will last longer and they’re cheaper).

You’ll need some accessories.  Sunscreen, bug spray are absolute must-haves.  For sunscreen I’d recommend something that can be sprayed on- I like the Coppertone Sport.  Bug spray?  Think a spray that has some deet in it.  I’d also carry a mosquito bite stick (you can rub it on bites).  You’re going to be outside, so don’t be dumb.  Protect yourself.  A hat isn’t a bad thing, and some people like to wear sunglasses to protect their eyes.  You’ll also need some golf tees (cheap), a divot repair tool (a few bucks will get you taken care of), and ball markers.  Golf shops sell ball markers, but in all honesty what you probably have on you right now will work just fine (you can put this stuff in a ziploc bag- they can be sealed to keep moisture and other things out; you can buy small ditty bags or, if you’re like me, the Crown Royal pouches are a great and free option).  A small coin (penny, nickel, dime, quarter) will suffice (keep a couple just in case).  A ziploc bag with a couple band-aids and some antibiotic ointment isn’t a bad thing to have

Golf shoes are a nice thing to have, but a decent pair of running shoes will work in the short run (trail running shoes work great if you have those- I wore a pair several years ago playing a late-day round while walking and carrying my bag and they worked fine even though it was a bit damp and dewy).  They should be comfortable above all else.  Golf shoes have rubber spikes or are what’s called spikeless (with little rubber nubs).  They look more and more like athletic shoes.

You’ll need a golf bag to put all this in.  You can buy what’s called a staff bag (the pros use these), a cart bag (best if you’re going to be playing full time in a cart and/or need a lot of storage), or a stand bag (if you’re going to walk and carry your bag this is the way to go).  I have a big bag for cart golf that I use, when I travel I have a lighter stand bag that I use because of airline restrictions on bag weight.  Go with a stand bag to start.  You want light, ideally with dual shoulder straps (then you can carry it like a backpack).

Example of a stand bag with shoulder straps.  Wear it just like a backpack.

Example of a stand bag with shoulder straps. Wear it just like a backpack.

 

Lessons:

If nothing else in this blog resonates, let this be that one thing- when it comes to learning the game, seek professional help!  By that, take lessons from someone who knows what they are doing.  Your local golf course has a teaching professional.  There are community colleges that offer beginner golf lessons (not the worst option), and the PGA of America has been running a Get Golf Ready program geared at adults (5 lessons for a nominal fee).  They will teach you grip, stance and swing fundamentals.  I will say this- there’s a basic athletic stance (feet shoulder with, knees slightly bent) that, if you’ve ever played other sports you’ll be familiar with.  Same goes here, but let a professional work with you on this.

Any option other than the person you’re intimate with is the way to go.  Seriously.  I don’t care if you’re going out with a touring professional.  Go elsewhere for learning how to play the game.

Be reasonable with your goals.  None of us are turning professional.  I love this game, and I’m content with being a mid-handicapper (my index will fluctuate between an 8 and a 12; if I break 80 it’s a fantastic round).  Even if your goal is to make solid contact on every swing, that’s a great goal.  And remember- joking aside the goal should be to have fun.  If you take this game up, at some point, you’re going to have that perfect swing (at least once) and that ball is going to fly high, far, and straight.  It’s going to feel AWESOME.  And you’ll wonder why you can’t do that every time.  Welcome to the club.

Want to read/watch?  Jack Nicklaus’ Golf My Way remains one of the best options you can find.  Ben Hogan’s Five Fundamentals is another gold standard option.  I can’t recommend any of the newer books that are out because I haven’t read them (or seen the DVD’s).

Any golf professional will tell you what I’m about to tell you…when you practice on your own, start with your putting and work out to hitting shots with your driver.  Work on chipping and shots around the green.  From experience, I’ve seen plenty of golfers that are 30-50 yards shorter than me off the tee, and yet these players almost always have great short games.  They hit their chips, pitch shots and wedge shots close to the hole and usually make the putt.

You can work on your putting in a lot of places.  If you have an office with typical office carpeting, that makes a great surface to putt on.   You’ll need a putter, a ball, and a target.  An empty can of pop works fine; it’s the same size as a hole give or take.

One important thing to learn before going out on the course is to gauge how far you hit each club.  I’m going to go off of what I learned over 20 years ago…pick a mid-iron (a 7 or 5 iron will work), and hit it about 15-20 times.  See how far you hit it on average.  If you hit your 7-iron 130 yards, figure the 8 will go 120, the 9 will go 110…the 6 iron will go 140, 5 iron will go 150, and so on.  If you need to write this down to help you remember, write it down and keep it with you.

After your initial set of lessons, take more if you need it, but try to have an idea of what you want help with (maybe it’s the driver and your woods, maybe it’s the short game).  There are more people teaching golf than there needs to be (mostly these people who have “systems”).  Remember, the person you’re taking a lesson from is there to help YOU (not the other way around).  If they’re not helping, go elsewhere.   In the end, swinging a golf club (athletically speaking) isn’t significantly different from swinging a baseball bat or a hockey stick.  Same idea…solid contact using your body to generate power.  Swing thoughts, hand position, path…there’s a million swings.

Look at Jim Furyk’s swing (you can watch it here), then watch Jack Nicklaus here.  Two guys who have both been very successful with wildly different swings.  Remember- golf isn’t a game of how…it’s a game of how many.  It’s not a beauty pageant (thank god).

Patience:

You’re not going to go out and break 80 for an 18-hole round the first time out.  Suggestion would be to start with 9-hole rounds on shorter courses, and work your way up.  Sligo Creek, Northwest Park, Needwood all have 9-hole courses that are great for a novice.  In Virginia Hilltop is a decent 9-hole track.

As someone who’s played the game for close to 25 years, I say this with all sincerity- I’ve never met someone new who I haven’t gone out of my way to be helpful.  One big ask- nobody is asking you to play speed golf, but let’s keep things moving along.  How do you do this?

  1. Take one practice swing before your actual swing.
  2. Note where the ball went (if it didn’t go dead straight).  Watch your ball (it’ll make finding it that much easier).
  3. If you’re at more than double par on a hole, pick up.  It’s okay.
  4. If your ball is in a divot in the fairway, move it to where you can make a swing at it (later you’ll learn this shot but for now, make it easy on yourself).
  5. Play from the forward tees.  Even if the other golfers in your group are playing from the back tees, move up and make it easy on yourself.  When you get better you can move further back.
  6. Practice good etiquette.

Etiquette:

More than any sport, golf can be flat out confusing to a beginner.  It’s okay.  There’s a few basic ideas we’re dealing with.

  1. Don’t do anything to disrupt golfers in your group when they’re hitting.  This includes standing far back from them, making sure your shadow doesn’t interfere with them (if they can see your shadow, move to where they can’t), not talking or moving when they’re hitting, and not standing on their line when you’re on the green.
  2. Leave the course as you’d hope to find it.  If you take a divot, replace it.  If your ball goes into a bunker, rake it (there will be a rake provided) when you’re done.  If your ball makes a pitch mark or divot on the green, repair it.  Learn how here.
  3. If your ball mark is in the line (meaning someone’s putt would roll over it), offer to move it.  Learn how here.
  4. If you’re in the fairway, typically whoever is furthest out will hit first.  HOWEVER, if you’re closer and not ready to hit and someone is on the other side and ready, then let them go.  It’s called playing ready golf.  Same thing on the tee (normally, whoever had the lowest score on the previous hole would go first, but if you’re all playing from the same set of tees and you’re ready, have at it), but make sure everyone is good with playing ready golf.
  5. If your putt is holed, walk over and pick it up out of the hole, being careful to not walk on anyone’s line.  Then stand back so you’re not interfering or casting a shadow on your fellow golfers.
  6. If your putt is close to the hole (say 3-12 inches) your competitors may say “that’s good” or “pick it up” in which case, you can do just that.  It’s called a concession.  They’re saying “we know you’d make that tap-in so go ahead, add a stroke, and pick it up so we can move along”).

Alcohol:

First off, if you don’t drink or have no desire to drink alcohol, then don’t feel compelled to imbibe.  You shouldn’t be drinking during a round to the point of intoxication, but a cold beer during a summer time round can be awfully tasty.  The key word being moderation, if you’re one to enjoy a cold one.

Many a round of golf has been saved or killed with this bad boy.

Many a round of golf has been saved or killed with this bad boy.

You have two ways of going about this.  One is to buy beer at the snack bar/restaurant/halfway hut at the course, the other is if the course has a beverage cart.  The cart is almost always driven by a young lady (you’ll find an interview I did with a beverage cart driver on my blog- it’s pretty good if I don’t mind saying so), and the over/under on how many times she’s been hit on is about eleven billionty.  Don’t do it.  The beverage cart is like a pit stop in auto racing.  Designed to be quick, helpful and get  you moving.  Most beverage carts will have beer, sodas, gatorade/powerade, and snacks.  You’re paying a premium for convenience, so accept it, pay up, and move on.  And tip- minimum a buck per drink.

So that’s it…have a great time and welcome to the game!

 

The Golf Movie Think Piece I Didn’t Want to Write

If you haven’t heard, this week marked the 20th anniversary since the release of the film Happy Gilmore, and lo and behold but the golf press have gone full slobber mode over it.  Both the PGA and European Tours have had players try to mimic the Happy Gilmore swing and a couple less fortunate souls have tried to mimic the “go in your home” line where he’s yelling at the ball.  Even the UK’s Golf Monthly magazine, which normally isn’t prone to hyperbole, proclaimed it the best golf movie of all time.  With that kind of publicity, I’m surprised that it didn’t win the Oscar for Best Picture (sorry, Braveheart) with all this talk.

Sweatpants and a hockey sweater, and getting beat up by and old man.  Hilarious!

Sweatpants and a hockey sweater, and getting beat up by and old man. Hilarious!

It’s not even the best golf movie of the decade.  Tin Cup, even when butchered senseless for basic cable, is a far better film (better writing, better script, better acting, and the golf scenes actually look realistic).

This comes from someone who loves hockey and has found most hockey movies to be various piles of hot garbage (if you’re asking, the Jay Baruchel film “Goon” is more than worth your time- the plot is a bit thin, but the hockey scenes are incredibly well done and the scenery shots are outstanding).  The Mighty Ducks trio of films are uniformly bad with terrible hockey scenes.  To remake Slap Shot is a crime against Humanity. Unfortunately, far too many sports films are written by people that really don’t understand sports, and Happy Gilmore fits that bill perfectly.

I’ll admit, Happy Gilmore has some funny moments and a couple decent cameos from PGA Tour professionals (Lee Trevino being the most well-known) and announcers (Verne Lundquist of CBS the notable name) along with a plug or two for the then-burgeoning Golf Channel cable station.

Having said that, the golf scenes are bad.  Terrible.  Watching Charles Barkley’s swing bad.  Shall we count a few of the ways?

  1. There is no single open-to-all tournament (the Waterbury Open) that a novice golfer could show up, win, and somehow make the PGA Tour.  Do you have any idea how many people honestly think that this is how it works?  You want to feed these mouth-breathers a copy of John Feinstein’s “A Good Walk Spoiled” or “Tales From Q School” and hope that some of the words get absorbed.  If you had him attempt to Monday qualify for a tournament and then win said tournament (where he would gain actual status) then it might be credible.
  2. Seriously, even in the early/mid 1990’s they had the Nike Tour.  The number of golfers who won out of the blue?  Other than Woods or Mickelson (who won a tournament as an amateur), there’s nobody.
  3. For someone who was allegedly a hockey player, Sandler skated as well as my dog.
  4. The golf scenes are terrible.  The end scene where the crane falls onto the green?  Did the people that wrote this ever actually see a golf tournament?  The scenes themselves…it’s like they couldn’t decide what course they were going to use so they just said “screw continuity”.
  5. Sure…tournaments pay out for all entrants and don’t have cuts.  Except all the ones that send over half the field home on Friday night without a dime to show for it (almost all of them).
  6. This film seems to time perfectly with the golf douche-bag types yelling random crap when someone hits a shot, so thanks for creating that monster and it’s inbred, hayseed, double-digit IQ cousins.

Tin Cup, while not perfect, at least has a more plausible plot (journeyman attempts to qualify for the US Open, qualifies, and plays in the tournament- if you haven’t seen it I won’t spoil anything else), better cameos (Craig Stadler, Phil Mickelson and Peter Jacobsen among players, and Jim Nantz and the late Ken Venturi in the booth along with Gary McCord on the course and the late Frank Chirkanian in the studio).

Lest you think I’m some geezer who doesn’t like the kids and their loud music, I’m not that way at all.  I love the Waste Management Open’s 16th hole.  Great stuff.

Even the regrettable The Legend of Bagger Vance, whose golf scenes aren’t that great and has some serious continuity issues of its own (the last hole starts with plenty of light when they tee off, and somehow is pitch black dark by the time they get to the fairway- an 8some of Kevin Na types would be faster) gets it right better than Happy Gilmore.  Matt Damon’s golf swing has been criticized (and rightly so) but it’s borderline passable.

I thought Caddyshack was hilarious, but then again you’re talking about Bill Murray who is one of the funniest people walking this planet.  It holds up fairly well…although for my money Ted Knight as Judge Smails was the perfect foil for Murray.  I understand that there’s a sequel, but I refuse to acknowledge its existence.  Knight and Murray weren’t in it, and Rodney Dangerfield can only do so much.

The gold standard for what a golf movie can be remains Dead Solid Perfect.  Excerpted from Dan Jenkins’ novel (a worthwhile read), it gets so much right despite a decidedly mediocre cast (Randy Quaid as the lead); a golf film with drinking, nudity, and it takes you inside the head of a golfer far better than other films.  Unfortunately it was a made-for-TV film on HBO so it doesn’t get near the airing that it deserves.

As much as I hate these kind of lists, but seeing this unneeded and inappropriate Happy Gilmore love-fest of late, I had to put together my list of golf movies.  As the Brits would say, scores on the doors:

  1. Dead Solid Perfect
  2. Caddyshack
  3. Follow The Sun (Ben Hogan Biopic)
  4. Tin Cup
  5. The Greatest Game Ever Played (read the book first)
  6. Seven Days in Utopia (golf scenes are underrated)
  7. A Gentleman’s Game
  8. The Legend of Bagger Vance
  9. Drinking a can of Drano
  10. Tie between Caddyshack II and Happy Gilmore

Enjoy your golf and think Spring!

 

 

 

A Sharkless 2016 and What To Expect on Television

Lost amid the NFL divisional playoffs and a fairly exciting final round at the Sony Open in Hawaii was Fox Sports announcing that Greg Norman was being let go as part of their announcing team.

Insert witty caption for Greg Norman no longer working for Fox.

Insert witty caption for Greg Norman no longer working for Fox.

Credit to Links Magazine for breaking the story via Twitter; Golf.com, Golf Digest and Golfweek quickly followed confirming the story.

I’ve been critical of Fox from the word go, and their 2015 US Open coverage was terrible (the other events they covered were equally poor- their effort with the US Women’s Open was laughably poor).  As I’ve pointed out repeatedly, golf is different from the other sports to cover, and no sport would hire a complete outsider with no prior experience and think that they’d do well the first time out (which unfortunately was this country’s national championship), but that speaks mostly to the incompetence and hubris on display at the USGA (who I argued needs to be eliminated entirely).

What's a golf?

What’s a golf?

While Fox is making cuts, I’d offer that letting Joe Buck do baseball full time over the summer would be a good idea as well.  He seemed completely out of place hosting their golf coverage and seemed to lack what better hosts do- know how to rely on their analysts.  Don’t defend the USGA blindly.  Acknowledge what they got right, be critical of what they didn’t, and provide facts and analysis to support this.  Buck still doesn’t know how to use his analysts, and has a bad habit of not knowing when to talk and when to let the action speak for itself (I have no idea what he’s like as a person- this isn’t a personal attack on him – I just wish he’d be better in the main role); as I’ve said repeatedly, it was bound to be a failure…and it was.

If I were rebuilding the Fox team, I’d find another host, or use the Golf Channel/NBC team and production (Steve Sands- who’s actually good at this can host if NBC won’t let Dan Hicks host for Fox).  Jamie Diaz of Golf Digest has 5 candidates to replace Norman.  Read his piece, but I’ll say this: Azinger makes sense, the other four are not going to happen (Chamblee is under contract with Golf Channel/NBC, Woods would be worse than his press conferences (I don’t see him as being someone who’d be quick to be critical of a player- even where appropriate), Nicklaus (who I love) is not suited for that role, and Irwin has never done TV).

If Fox could land Tirico (who’s a decent host/anchor) you could go with someone new in the analyst role, but whoever you pick needs to be able to be critical and be able to actually tell the viewer what they don’t know.  I’d shake the trees on Lee Trevino.  Trevino might have gone to seed, but he has a sense of humor (good) and I do think the fact that he’s won the damn thing (a US Open) important.

Tirico and Brad Faxon (the best of a decidedly not very good cadre of talking heads) would be interesting.

A Tirico/Azinger pairing would be “getting the band back together” and it’s not a bad idea, but Fox has to pare down the bodies.  Having 4 people in a booth at a major is too many. It doesn’t work.

I wouldn’t mind giving Faxon and Azinger a run but with a more experienced hand at the tiller (I mention Tirico because he’s the only ESPN person you see or hear from during their early-round Masters coverage, which otherwise is handled entirely by CBS personnel).  So my host preference would be 1) Steve Sands 2) Mike Tirico 3) Someone else not named Joe Buck.

As I said before, they have to be unafraid, where appropriate, to be critical of the USGA.  It’s not being petty and spiteful, but if players are complaining about the course, then it merits coverage.  Their on-course reporters could have and should have done some work showing specifics.  This is not that hard.

The other big change will be at the Open Championship, where thankfully ESPN will no longer be handling things.  NBC/Golf Channel will take over (this wasn’t supposed to take place until 2017, but for once ESPN did the right thing and walked away).  NBC has already started promoting their coverage (while watching my beloved Liverpool lose yesterday morning to Manchester United (who I detest with every fibre of my body) they had ads in-game promoting that they’d have the Open Championship in July).  Good for Golf Channel as they’ve proven they’ll treat the event accordingly (if early rounds are on Golf Channel then good for golf fans).  Having said that, I’d really like to see them go to a “Live at” remote studio for at least the US Women’s Open and the ANA Inspiration (the old Dinah Shore)) and bring in some of their big names.

ESPN has long kicked golf to the bin in terms of the coverage that it gives the sport on Sportscenter and other on-air platforms (Jason Sobel does a decent job heading up their online coverage).  It feels decidedly similar to how they kicked the NHL to the curb when the NHL went with NBC/OLN after the 2004-05 lockout (they ignore the PGA and LPGA Tours unless Tiger Woods does something, and they ignore the NHL the same way).  It’s unfortunate because Pierre Lebrun is a good writer, and Grantland casualty Sean McIdoe is a fellow Leafs fan and a damn fine writer (follow him on Twitter and buy his hilarious book).

Look- making fun of what a complete shit show ESPN has become is low-hanging fruit, but frankly it does call into question their overall lack of judgement.  They treat the NFL with kid-gloves rather than be critical of issues like domestic violence, CTE, and other issues that deserve critical coverage, and ignore golf, NASCAR (lost the rights to NBC/FOX so they can screw off), and the NHL (NBC/NBCSN have been somewhat critical of the NHL and should continue to do so).  My advice?  Stop watching their garbage (their various “have two guys yell at each other” shows are hot takery excrement).  You’ll be smarter.

Because of the Olympics the USPGA Championship moves to July, so by the time we get to August all four majors will be handed out, and three of them handed out over a six-week period in June and July. August will have the Olympic tournament in Rio, the FedEx Cup Playoffs start during their normal period, and the Tour Championship and Ryder Cup fall on consecutive weekends, because why not?

The other news is that David Feherty has moved from CBS to Golf Channel/NBC.  No word on what his role will look like.  As they say, stay tuned.  I’m surprised he wasn’t in use during the Hawaii swing on the PGA Tour, and I’ve not read anything indicating he’ll be on Golf Channel during this week’s event in Palm Springs.  I’d have to think he ends up being part of their Olympics team in Rio, but we shall see.

Not exactly golf weather in the DMV, but we’ll be there soon enough. I hope.

It’s been a rough week for musicians and actors, but I guess the one that hit home the hardest was David Bowie. He made it okay to be different.  Without him, you don’t get the New York Dolls, and (for better or worse) you don’t get KISS (they should send him residuals), and you probably don’t get the punk and post-punk music I still identify with.

Normally I hate remakes, but here’s a video of Bauhaus covering Ziggy Stardust.  Enjoy.

2015 SGIC Plays Santa Awards

Screw it.  You're all bad.  Eat a bag of dirt.

Screw it. You’re all bad. Eat a bag of dirt.

Without the drunken debauchery and mayhem that come from a roast, it’s time for your humble scribe to don his santa outfit (who am I kidding- I don’t own one and unless the offer is an all-expense paid trip to Pebble Beach for a week, I’m not putting one on) and hand out some gifts this holiday season.

So this year I’ve invited people to come sit on my lap (and wear depends you assholes) and find out what Santa got you for Christmas (or the winter time festival of lights

First off…it’s Joe Buck from the Fox Sports Golf team.  You’ve had a bad year.  First off, Harold Reynolds is a moron, you don’t seem to understand geography, your network was a dumpster fire for the World Series and the US Open.  During the Franklin Templeton shootout last week you said a player was using a putter off the green.  Brad Faxon corrected you saying he was using a 5-wood/hybrid.  For someone who plays, you’d think you might know the difference.  Or, I don’t know…maybe ask?  Dan Hicks of NBC isn’t a hall of famer, but he knows how to go to Roger Maltbie and ask “what’s going on down their Rog?”  Try it some time.  So to help out Joe Buck, we’re sending you to the Columbia School of Broadcasting!  You’re welcome!

New logo for Fox Sports Baseball and Golf Coverage

New logo for Fox Sports Baseball and Golf Coverage

So for Christmas, since you can’t have nice things, Santa is taking away your USGA rights and putting them up for rebid.  You can air the events next year, but with CBS and NBC announcers who know how to get out of the way of fantastic championships and let the golf speak for itself.

Next on Santa’s lap is the USGA.  And haven’t you been a naughty group of stuffed shirts this year?  Your move to Fox Sports was a train wreck, you can’t understand why bifurcating the rule book would help the vast majority of golfers, and you’re about 10 years behind understanding technology.  You are trying to forbid rounds played as a single from counting towards your handicap which is fixing a problem that doesn’t exist.  Your signature events that the majority of the public associates with you…were train wrecks.  So one train wreck deserves another.  So in that vein, Santa got you a Sandra Lee Kwanzaa Cake.  That you’re going to eat while I watch.

Look at it.  LOOK AT IT!  Don’t avert your eyes!  Now eat the damn cake! Like we had to look at greens that were described as cauliflower on a course that hopefully will never see another major championship in its lifetime.  Now eat that concoction.  EAT IT!

To Rattlewood and Compass Pointe golf courses…you were nice to Santa this year.  You were pleasant surprises when Santa needed them.  So you’ll get good weather in 2016 so you can keep doing what you’re doing.  And Rattlewood, with your clubhouse decor straight out of Caddyshack…I like your style.

To Waverly Woods…you’re getting a watch so you can…you know, start enforcing pace of play.  Here’s some motivation for you.

May none of you ever get Judge Smails in the group in front of you.  If that wasn’t subtle enough…move people along.  It’s called a time par.   First few groups should be in 3 hours or less, then 3 1/2 hours, then 4 hours.  Look into it.  Please.  Don’t make excuses for slow play.  Move people along.  You’re better than this.

Timbers at Troy…oh, what’s happened to you?  This is your Santa intervention.  A few years ago, you had a really solid golf course.  Fantastic layout…some solid holes.  And you’ve let yourself go.  Take a look.

white goodman fat White goodman smile

That’s you at the top today, and below is what you used to be.  You can do this.  So let’s make it happen.  I’m pulling for you.  Nobody is saying you need to have tour-level conditions, but some basic improvements in conditioning will go a long way.  Ask yourself- do you want to become another Cross Creek, or worse- a Gunpowder or a Goose Creek, or do you want to be in that discussion of very good public courses in the area?

The LPGA has had a good year and remains a viable, entertaining and watchable product.  They have a good schedule and they’re growing their game fairly well.  So Santa is going to get you continued health, playable weather, and hope that the Olympics give your game that boost to the next level.

Donald Trump…where to start.  Have a seat.  Let’s leave your politics out of it for a moment.  You’re not exactly making friends so far, but what’s odd is how many people say that, on the golf course, you’re a swell guy, and I can see this.  You’re pretty good, and it’s been said you get around pretty quickly.  But with that being said, you can’t be completely tone deaf either, so let’s take it down a notch.  There’s no question you’ve acquired some name-brand golf courses, but this notion you have to put your name on it is frankly silly.  So stop it.  Turnberry was on the Open rota of courses until the R&A got a bit tired of your act and have decided to pull TRUMP Turnberry off the rota.  Sticking your name on something doesn’t make it better.  Improving pace of play for amateurs while having a course that will challenge modern professionals should be enough of a challenge.

As to your politics…they’re just that- yours.  However, I will point out something Michael Jordan said- “Republicans buy sneakers too.” and yes- Democrats play golf.

So stop attaching your name on courses you buy.  New builds?  Go as tacky as you want.  And stop eating thin crust pizza with a fork and a knife.  You’re a New Yorker for the love of birdies.  Fold the damn thing and insert into your maw.  Pay attention and take notes.  Note at the end how he folds and inserts into his maw.

So for Christmas, you’re playing golf at a public course.  With a bunch of regular guys.  You’ll change your shoes in the parking lot, pay a green fee in cash, and have to deal with the starter like we do.  And get off of push carts.  Seriously.  They’re tacky?   You wear a baseball cap with a suit.  Just saying.  You’re going to have to use one, because I’m being spiteful.

Don…seriously.  You’re not helping yourself.  People in the golf industry can’t stand you.  You’re embarrassing us.  People I play with think you’re an imbecile.  Okay, so maybe this whole thing is some kind of long con, or a goof.  But when the goof is over you have to go back and do whatever it is you do.  Good luck with that.

TopGolf Arlington…while my two visits to Top Golf didn’t blow me away, it’s a point of entry for people, and certainly folks seem to have fun.  So Santa is giving you a lease extension so more people can go and enjoy their facility.  Again- it’s not my brand of scotch but it doesn’t have to be.  People enjoy it and they have fun.  To close it down because of some nimby types is ridiculous.  I live near a concert venue.  Occasionally I hear the concerts during the summer.  I deal with it.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: Santa is giving you a whole new group of selectors, because your 2016 class is, frankly, laughably bad.  Steve Miller?  Chicago? Deep Purple?  It’s the triple-pleated dockers of inductees.  I get that Morrissey is a prick beyond words, but The Smiths have held up incredibly well, and their music has its own sound (it’s the Rickenbacker guitar).   You have teenagers wearing Smiths t-shirts today, like I did 30 years ago.  While you’re at it, time to induct a few punk bands (I have a list).

And since it is the holiday season, here’s my oddball discovery.

I found the Cocteau Twins in the late 1980’s, and I’ve liked their music on and off.  It wasn’t until a couple years ago, back when I had a Sirius XM unit in my car that I came upon this gem.  I didn’t really know that they had done this (originally released in 1993) so I finally found it on YouTube.  It’s exactly what it says it is- the Cocteau Twins singing a Christmas classic.

Enjoy your holidays.

Compass Pointe Course Review (the other one) North/East

Since I had fun last week at Compass Pointe, I figured I’d take advantage of it still being golf weather and head back to the scene of last week’s round, but rather than play the South/West routing, I opted to play the North/East routing.

Overall, conditions on the North/East routing were similar to what I encountered at the other routing; fairways and greens were in good shape, tee boxes were okay, rough was a bit of a mixed bag, and the bunkers were, on several holes, in need of a good raking.

Having said that, it’s late October and we’ve had our first frost, so part of me thinks that this is a bit of a “you get what you get” deal.

After a cart ride over the highway (the other 3 nines are on the same side of the highway as the pro shop, range, practice green, etc.) you’ll find yourself at the first hole.  Like the other routing, the North/East routing starts with a difficult par 5 (picture below) that requires 3 good shots to get to the green.  Anything left or right is dead, although the right side of the fairway does give you a better angle of approach.   A shot on the left (like I had) brings a water hazard into play for your second shot; I was very happy to have cleared it, leaving myself just over 100 yards to the green for my third shot.

1st hole Compass Pointe North

1st hole Compass Pointe North

The third hole (picture below) is fascinating, in that you have a double fairway.  It’s just over 400 yards from the blues and just under 375 from the white tees so while it’s not a beast, it’ll make you think.  The obvious shot is to the fairway on the right (see the 150 yard pole), but the left side, after seeing both sides, does give you a better angle at the green.  Plenty of bunkering to make you think.  A wayward second meant I had to scramble to save bogey.

Compass Pointe 3rd hole (North).  What a beauty.

Compass Pointe 3rd hole (North). What a beauty.

The 8th hole (a beast of a par 5 at 595 from the blues and 585 from the white tees) is the #1 handicap hole…it’ll test you every step of the way.  A tee shot over a ravine to a second shot over a second waste area to a third shot to a small and well protected green.  Like the first hole, it requires 3 very tough shots to get home.

Compass Pointe 8th hole (North).  Just getting here laying 2 required two very good shots).

Compass Pointe 8th hole (North). Just getting here laying 2 required two very good shots).

As you can see from the photo above, the green on #8 is well protected; the only decent place to miss would be short; I missed left and had a brutally tough pitch shot just to get on in 4.  Missing right isn’t much better; you’re still looking at a tough pitch/chip.

The 9th hole (sorry no photo) is a par 4 that looks short on the card but plays uphill; there’s a giant ass tree on the left that looks innocuous but my second shot ended up near it so I can attest to its relevance.

After a cart ride back over the bridge, I ended up on the East nine.  The first hole on the east looks easy; just over 320 yards from the blue tee and just under 290 for the white tee.  The fairway looks generous…but if you get the slightest bit wild, you’re dead.

The 12th hole (picture below) is flat par 3 that requires a carry over water to a slightly sloped green.  One thing I noticed on the East nine…several of the fairways looked to have Bermuda (or something like it) grass, and all of the tee boxes seemed to have this as well.  If so, this would explain why it was starting to go brown (Bermuda does this in cold temperatures).

Compass Pointe 12th hole (3rd hole East).  Try no to think about the water short, right, and long.

Compass Pointe 12th hole (3rd hole East). Try no to think about the water short, right, and long.

After another brutally long and difficult par 5 (do these guys know how to make a simple par 5?), the 14th hole (below) goes all out on pinpoint accuracy.

Compass Point 14th hole (5 East).

Compass Point 14th hole (5 East).

If you can play a slight fade off the tee it opens up the green a lot better.  From the photo above, hopefully you can see how the green is elevated ever so slightly (short and straight isn’t a bad miss, but the chip shot isn’t a gimme).  It plays about 1/2 club longer for your second shot.  One complaint- if the fencing on the right isn’t clear, the hole is cart path only with very few places to enter the fairway.  Add a few…please?

The 15th hole (pictured below) is a long par 3 (192 from the blue tees, 167 from the whites) that requires accuracy; if the photo isn’t clear enough, anything right of the green slopes downward and to the right and leaves you a near-impossible chip shot.

Compass Pointe 15th hole (6th hole East).  Do NOT miss right.

Compass Pointe 15th hole (6th hole East). Do NOT miss right.

I found the bunker on the left; I got out of the bunker but ended up just off the green, where I managed to chip to 6 inches to save bogey.  The cart path goes through some trees and spits you out left of the bunker.

The last two holes at Compass Pointe do what any closing holes should do; challenge, reward, and give you something to remember.

The 17th is a long par 5 with trees on the right and water left.  I stayed dry (barely) and left myself a 12 footer for birdie, which I of course missed because…well, that’s how I roll.  From the photo below, my ball is above the green (not recommended).

From the green at 17 at Compass Pointe North/East (8th hole East).

From the green at 17 at Compass Pointe North/East (8th hole East).

The last hole is a short par 4 that is a fantastic risk/reward.  At only 329 from the blue tee and 301 from the white tee, you think birdie opportunity, but it’s a severe dog-leg left.  The photo below doesn’t really show it, but it is a big dog-leg.

Compass Pointe 18th tee (9th hole East).  You right to left golfers...have at it.

Compass Pointe 18th tee (9th hole East). You right to left golfers…have at it.

Bomb it like I did, and you encounter two bunkers and rough that do a decent job of taking driving the green out of play.  However, I did manage to stay out of the bunkers, hit a 50-yard pitch shot to 10 feet and make a tough putt to finish with a birdie.

From the green at 18 (9th hole East).

From the green at 18 (9th hole East).

Like my visit last week, I had fun.  The layout has some punishing holes, but it has some holes that give an average golfer a chance at making pars and birdies, and really- isn’t that why we’re out here?

Shameless plug for my favourite brand of balls (Titleist) and the team I love above all.

Shameless plug for my favourite brand of balls (Titleist) and the team I love above all.

I’m not sure how many more rounds I’ll get in this year, but if there’s a weekend morning with golf-able weather and I’m functioning, then I’ll try to get out there, hoping for a bit of magic, and a bit of joy.  I hope you find yours.

 

Compass Pointe Course Review

As we sit in the middle of October, all of us facing that inevitable last round of the year, sometimes it’s a good idea to go through that mental Rolodex (note to you young kids- before smart phones, people had Rolodexes on their desks at work, where you’d keep contacts and business cards) and dig a bit deeper.

It was in that vein that I happened to play an October round at Compass Pointe which is in Pasadena, just north of Annapolis.  It had been several years since I played at Compass Pointe (mostly I remember playing a few company golf tournaments of the scramble variety along with a couple 2-man best ball events).  I had heard that conditions had gone downhill over the last few years, but I was curious to find out what had become of one of the few 36-hole courses in the area.

On a frigid morning where toques and jackets were the norm, I set out in search of a good time, and for the most part, I was pleasantly surprised.

The people that worked there that I ran into were uniformly polite, courteous, and helpful.  The guys in the pro shop were friendly, as was the starter (a youngish guy).  Having two courses to marshal folks out to can’t be easy but we didn’t have any issues.  On the day I was there, the range was using their green grass tees and not mats (I’ve seen both- if this is important to you I’d call ahead and ask).

Myself and one of the people foolish enough to play with me (a colleague who is the proverbial “good egg”) went second off behind another twosome.  We played the South/West routing (the other course is the North/East although I suppose you could switch up) and much like Little Bennett, Compass Pointe wastes no time in punching you in the mouth with a brutally tough par 5 (honestly all of the par 5’s are tough here) that is 546 yards from the white tees.  The second hole is a short par 3 to a narrow kidney-shaped green with a lot of undulation; looks easy on the card but it’s not.

The 5th hole (below) is in that vein; on the card it’s a short par 4 but in reality you have to be precise off the tee and then into a well-protected green.

Compass Pointe 5th hole on a cold but clear fall morning.  I love this game.

Compass Pointe 5th hole on a cold but clear fall morning. I love this game.

The front side ends with two fairly mundane par 4’s that require two good shots; the 9th is shorter even though it plays longer to a well-protected green.

Compass Pointe 9th hole (South). Aim for the fairway.

Compass Pointe 9th hole (South). Aim for the fairway.

The West routing is, if you’re asking, a bit goofy.  If you were playing in a scramble or a shamble, there are some holes that seem tailor-made for this format.  The 1st (10th) hole gets this going, with a short par 4 that has a huge water hazard right that is a severe dog leg right.  At 330 from the blue tees and 299 from the whites, the big hitters might give it a rip, while the shorter hitters might opt for a fairly generous fairway but leave a longer approach.

If 10 is goofy, then 12 (3 South) needs a clown’s mouth.  I’m all for unique and challenging holes, but this one has “we will destroy your pace of play and you will like it” written all over it.  Your tee shot needs to be right to left or you’re laying up to about 180-200 yards out for your third shot, and that’s before you have to clear a ravine/waste area.  My biggest complaint is that good shots are punished (I hit a great tee shot but it ran out into a waste area; I was lucky to card a 7).   Again- in a scramble this hole could easily be birdied but the ravine must have several thousand golf balls in it.

The 14th hole (5 south) is another “what were they thinking” where you have to worry about your tee shot going into a hazard if you’re too long (which is fine, except you’re leaving yourself 150-200 yard second shots to an uphill and heavily protected green- not exactly where amateurs will shine).  15 (6 South) is a good “risk/reward” hole that doesn’t punish you.

15th hole at Compass Pointe (6 South).  Grip and rip but don't go right.

15th hole at Compass Pointe (6 South). Grip and rip but don’t go right.

16 (7 South) is another punishing par 5 that, like 12 (3 South) requires a carry through a tree-protected ravine, but isn’t as penal.  If you can shape your second shot to the left it’ll play easier, but it’s by no means a requirement.  The tee shot is downhill but all but the biggest of bombers can have at it off the tee.  The 17th hole is a short par 4 at only 280 from the whites and only 327 from the blues (reachable off the tee for the bombers) to a well-protected green.  18 is a short par 4 (375 from the blues) that plays shorter with the prevailing wind (and the wind kicked up something fierce (and cold) when we got to the tee) with a dogleg right.

16th hole (7 South) at Compass Pointe.  From the fairway.

16th hole (7 South) at Compass Pointe. From the fairway.

While the roughs and the bunkers were, if we’re being honest, a mixed bag in terms of conditions (some holes had thick lush rough, other holes (like 7 South above) had spotty dead spots).  However, the fairways, other than a few dead spots, were in pretty good shape (the fairway turf was a bit furry, but well-maintained).  The greens were dewy (very dewy) but once the dew burned off, they rolled pretty well.  Again- not exactly a 12 on the stimp meter but they were quick enough.

While the South and West nines are built amid a housing development, you don’t really see any homes except for a couple holes.  The course shouldn’t be walked- too far between holes; our gas cart was decent enough if lacking a bit in pickup.

The course has a small but serviceable snack bar (we stopped at the turn for a quick snack- the lady working was friendly and helpful), and the pro shop was stocked with the kind of items you’d reasonably expect to find in a pro shop.  I’ve seen bigger pro shops but they had the basics and the two guys working were certainly polite enough.

I wouldn’t put Compass Pointe on a “play before you die” list, but for $54.00 on a weekend morning, staffed by polite and friendly folks with decent playing conditions, you could certainly do a hell of a lot worse in this area.  I’d probably want to play the North/East routing next time out.  After putting out on our last hole as we drove back to head out, I asked my playing partner “would you come back here?” and he said yes.

And that, I suppose, is what counts.  We had a good time, had a few laughs, and got around in well under 4 hours.  Maybe you’ll play Compass Pointe and maybe you won’t.  But you could do a hell of a lot worse.

I’ve been watching sports for a long time and have seen some crazy endings to games, but the end of the 2015 National Rugby League (NRL- Australian Rugby League) might have been the craziest thing I’ve seen.  The last minute of the game and what ensued was everything sports should be- exciting, breathtaking, heroic, tragic, and more.  Well worth watching.

Slow Play Self-Inflicted Wounds

There’s really nothing quite like that first day that feels like fall.  Today is that day, and in a word, it is awesome.

Having said that, pumpkin is disgusting.  There.  I said it.  Oooh…hot take here I come!

 

Played at Redgate this morning at sunup- with She Who Is Really In Charge (SWIRIC) enjoying a vacation (I have some heavy work commitments this week and felt bad that we haven’t been able to have a summer vacation so she’s enjoying September at the shore if you’re interested) I played today (the rain and thunder took care of any thoughts I had of sneaking off for an afternoon round yesterday) in cool, brisk and breezy conditions.

Unfortunately, Redgate has looked better, I’m afraid to say.  Fairways and roughs have seen better days; I’m hoping that this is down to the dry spell we’ve been under and not a sign of what Billy Casper Management is going to do to the course (huge parts of fairways were dead/dormant/brown).  I can remember playing it a few years ago thinking that they had some of the best greens in the area.  I can’t say that right now- they’re slow (again, I want to put that down to aeration that is still clearly visible along with yesterday’s heavy rain) and while most were fairly smooth, a few of them were more than a bit bumpy.  Not sure why, but for their sake I hope they get better (better conditions benefit all of us).

I hit the ball pretty well but my short game was sub-par; carded a pedestrian 82 that could have been worse but should have been better.

What I can’t understand is why courses insist on putting groups out on the back nine.  I understand the whole “time for nine” thing, and that’s great.  But if you’re going to do that first thing in the morning on a weekend, you have to stop pretending that you give two scoots about pace of play, because clearly you don’t.  I got a lecture from the starter about pace of play (concern that they’d need by cart back) before I teed off (how can I say “if every golfer played as fast as I do you’d have 4 hour weekend rounds”).  I finished my round in just under 2 hours (okay so I skipped the 11th hole to jump past the foursome that they put out on the 10th hole as I was coming up on the 9th hole).

What’s my trick?  ONE practice swing, if that.  If I’m playing with someone else I get my yardage and pull a club while they hit, so that when it’s my turn…go time.  I don’t spend more than a minute looking for a lost ball (tournaments are different, but a casual round…60 seconds and if I can’t find one drop (stroke and distance)), and on the green, I use continuous putting (putt until you’re in) unless I’m in a match play situation.  If I’m between sets of tees I use the forward set.  If I’m around the green I make sure to grab 1-2 wedges unless I know for a fact I’m on the putting surface.  I’ll repair my divot while my playing partner(s) are putting.

Redgate 18th green from earlier today.

Redgate 18th green from earlier today.

Not to pick on these four guys, but it was like seeing a “what not to do” video with respect to pace of play.  They were all lying three with 150 yards out and all four are using a distance measuring device…naturally I found out they were playing from the tips (so on a par 4 that is 412 from the tips, it took them three shots to go roughly 260-270 yards…yup, I’m sure that playing from the tips makes perfect sense).

So either you take my path of passing them, or you get stuck behind the four slowpokes who grind the entire day to a halt.  Redgate actually has a solid system of yardage by handicap index (even though my current index is below 10.0 I prefer to play from the “regular” gold tees because I prefer to hit short and mid-irons to the green)…if these four chaps have sub-ten indices find them and play money matches against them.

Again- do you enjoy making pars and birdies or do you enjoy posting ridiculous scores so you can say “but I played it from the tips” to your friends?

I’m sure the influx of folks playing early is due to today being the start of the NFL season as I’m sure a lot of guys wanted to get a round in before watching 12 hours of football (Washington has a 1pm game, Baltimore has a 4:25 game so that’s 7+ hours right there not counting the pregame shows that started at some obscene hour).  Me?  I really couldn’t care.  I know I’m supposed to love the NFL because…hurr durr football?! but I find the games take far too long with very little action, and I’d rather play nothing but six-hour rounds than care about fantasy football (if you love the NFL and fantasy football then by all means enjoy yourself).  My preferred brand of football is rugby league (where an 80-minute came can be completed in less than 2 hours of actual time, and the ball is actually in play for roughly 60 of the 80 minutes)…the NRL specifically (Fox Sports 2 airs 1-2 games a week that I can PVR and watch later).  My other sporting obsession is the Toronto Maple Leafs (again- a 60 minute NHL game can be played in 2 1/2 hours) who have struggled a bit over the last 40-something years.

Since NHL training camps open soon, I have another season of sadness and despair to look forward to.  Luckily Leafs blogger Bloge Salming put this awesome video together about their goaltending situation, with a parody of a Miley Cyrus song to boot.  You’re welcome.

A Polite Rebuttal and Other Nonsense

Brandel Chamblee of Golf Channel, who I normally find worth listening to (he’s not afraid to be critical which is good, and for those unaware he did play on the PGA Tour to some level of success- he has one PGA Tour victory which is one more than I’ll ever see) recently wrote an interesting piece about growing the game of golf.  He suggests that the PGA Professional at his home country club was a huge factor for him, and that the home professionals have the ability to make that all-important 1 on 1 contact with would-be golfers.  This sounds really nice, except that it lacks a bit of practicality in the 21st century.

Brandel Chamblee speaks.  I offer a rebuttal.  Politely.

Brandel Chamblee speaks. I offer a rebuttal. Politely.

I suppose that, if your parents have a country club membership that this is a fantastic means to make that personal connection that can make someone into a golfer for a lifetime.  I was not one of those people and I must confess to knowing one person (a very good friend) who grew up in a country club environment (by his own admission, the club was not a sanctuary for the well-heeled but more of a social club that had things for people of all ages and genders).  My parents were of very modest means, so joining a country club was a laughable idea (not to mention my parents were not golfers on any level- the best I could do is my father playing minor league baseball and being a fairly decent doubles tennis player).  However, I did have my “one on one” introduction via an aunt (since deceased) who was a very good amateur player (we would see her once a year during the family visits that doubled as vacations).  At no point did she ever give me lessons other than a couple tips (we played together a few times- she could be as tough as nails but she could also be as sweet and charming in her Texas/Oklahoma drawl as you could possibly imagine) and a suggestion to watch Jack Nicklaus’ videos “Golf My Way” (in my opinion this remains as good of an instructional video that exists- there’s nothing fancy here…just good solid fundamentals); I can still remember watching these videos (renting them from the local video rental store- kids, go ask your parents about “video rental stores”).

I’ve been playing the game off and on for close to 30 years.  I’ve probably played at 200 golf courses, and if I’ve met the local PGA Professional at any of them, it would be news to me (again- no need for introductions from the club pros).  If you don’t know me, I’m the guy who happily puts on his golf shoes in the parking lot, and then walks into the pro shop to pay my green fee and head to the starter (until I quit smoking I’d be the guy pulling up in untied golf shoes stashing my cigarettes in the cart (if I didn’t have one already lit) where nowadays people stash their mobile phones).  Generally speaking, I’m a “hit the ball and hit the road” golfer (a phrase coined by a writer whose work I enjoy).  I don’t know anyone who has the time to spend that kind of time at a country club, and the reality is that I don’t see this dichotomy changing anytime soon in the age of two-income families and social agendas for kids becoming more and more compacted.

So unless you’re the child of parents who spend a lot of time at a country club, the reality in the 21st century is that a club professional may not be capable (or willing) to have that one on one time.  It’s a wonderful idea (and to be clear, I’ve nothing but kind words for any club professional teaching the game to young people), but is it really practical?

The answer, it seems, is that it’s on all of us.  My aunt didn’t teach me grip, stance, or swing.  My grip, stance, and swing are entirely self-taught from watching Golf My Way and going out and following what the videos showed me.  Is that a bad thing?   I’ve had two people give me pointers in the last 20 years.  A guy I was talking to at a driving range in 1995 told me to stand closer and more upright to the ball (I’d gain distance and I’d be less likely to come over the top), and a guy at a store I was trying some clubs out identified me as a hockey player based on my swing.  His advice?  Don’t let anyone get the hockey out of your swing.  That and Jack (and later in life, that Jack would sometimes be Jack Daniels, who also offers sage advice).

If you see young people playing, welcome them.  Don’t worry about them becoming Tour Professionals (they won’t) and for all that’s good, let them try to figure it out on their own (sounds mean but once you actually figure out what it is you’re doing wrong and how to correct it, you’ll be a much better golfer).  Offer aid when asked.  Focus on the basics- grip, stance, ball position.  I learned by hitting lightweight practice balls in my neighbourhood (I’d cover them with scotch tape to give them a bit of weight and make them not quite as susceptible to wind) and I made my own “course” using light posts and trees for flag sticks (using a single club- an old Wilson 8-iron).

Again, I’m not being critical of Brandel Chamblee, I’m pointing out that his experiences are just that-his.  It’s not to diminish them, but rather to point out that there are different paths to the game other than the club professional.  I do agree with him that foot-golf (Frisbee golf but with a soccer ball) and the 15 inch hole are not solutions, but well-intended but naive ideas that do nothing to grow the game.

Shouldn't you be at a Phish concert or something?

Shouldn’t you be at a Phish concert or something?

Seriously.  Go find a disc golf course and ask folks playing if they’ve ever considered playing real golf.  My guess is that they haven’t.  Which is fine- they enjoy their sport and I’m free to enjoy mine, just like they can enjoy 20-minute versions of Phish songs, and I can enjoy double scotches.

 

 

 

 

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