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Where I Break Down The Alien Wedge Infomercial

Today is December 26th, so depending on where you are you might be doing a host of activities. If I were back home in Toronto we’d be drinking heavily while planning backyard rink skates (since unlike last year it’s cold enough) and watching the start of the World Junior Hockey Tournament on TSN. People in Australia are watching the Boxing Day cricket test (and drinking heavily), while people in Britain are watching soccer (possibly rugby) and drinking heavily. Here in America it’s post-Christmas sales, college bowl games of middling consequence (locally, Maryland is playing in something called the Quick Lane Bowl although given that She Who Is Really In Charge (SWIRIC) is a Maryland alum I’ll not joke that much about it), and trying to get all those electronic games and toys to work (hint- when in doubt, a glass of bourbon works wonders).

The finest tool for putting together those Christmas toys. Trust me.

While SWIRIC is out shopping with her friends today (it’s a holiday tradition and I’m thrilled she’s doing it), I’m revisiting a classic infomercial from the days when Golf Channel used to air these all of the time. Previously, I recapped the genius that was the Perfect Club, then the GolfLogix GPS. Today, it’s the Alien wedge (full admission- I bought one years ago after a particularly brutal day when i seemed to find the sand on every hole and my playing partners started calling me Sandman). Unfortunately, the commercial is for British audiences (thus the price in pounds sterling); not sure why but the US version isn’t on YouTube. Let’s watch this, shall we?

Let’s be honest; infomercials were almost made for golfers struggling with their game (or 99.99% of them). You’re at home half in the bag at 2:00 a.m. and maybe you don’t have Skinamax or ShowMeAGoodTime. So you watch Golf Infomercials (somewhere, there’s a Golf Infomercial cosplay group and I will believe this until I’m dead). So let’s review this bad boy, shall we?

0:02: Oh god, it’s a real alien! Oh may gawd! It’s coming for the world! Oh, it’s just the Alien Shotsaver Wedge. Watch as it blasts through sand…shot in glorious standard definition!

0:15: Somewhere there is a large group of men with nondescript British accents whose only jobs are voice-over work, because if you can’t have a great product, have a guy with a British accent describing it. It’s a wedge! A sand iron (which is a term nobody uses)! It’s…the Alien Wedge!

0:25: Deep roughs? Who uses that term? I’ve heard it called rough, cabbage, tall stuff, junk, “you’re screwed” and ‘yeah, good luck finding that one’ but never roughs. And who hits the ball off a cement cart path? Oh wait, nobody. You drop it closest point of relief no nearer the hole. That’s a fantastic way to break a club and/or a wrist. Maybe if the paths are hard-packed sand (or shells) you give it a go, but otherwise…use the rules.

0:35: Now we get to the regular golfer focus group portion. Young guy with British accent? Check. Middle aged dopey white guy? Check.

0:45: This isn’t the original Alien wedge (that I bought in a store) it’s the NEW Alien wedge. It looks slightly less ridiculous (hint- if someone has one of these in their bag it’s a small cry for help…and I was that guy for a while). The one I had didn’t have grooves; it had dots.

1:00: They show all of these shots out of various lies but they don’t show but one or two actually landing on the green. Kind of makes you wonder.

1:11: Was wondering when the nondescript female golfer would show up. You better believe she has a southern accent and a big straw hat (I can’t wait until this becomes a thing again). You know, 20 years ago she’s got a pack of Virginia Slims in her pocket. My aunt (god rest her soul) could break 80 in her sleep and could manage a dart and a razor-sharp short game better than anyone I’ve ever seen. The curb-stomping she delivered to a pair of idiots who didn’t want to play with a woman (especially one who could say ‘bless their hearts’ and mean go f**k yourselves in a way I’ve yet to see replicated) is the stuff of legend.

1:16: And we have the young junior male golfer. See kids- you can be cool too if you buy one of these. No, really. Do you think Jordan Spieth or Rickie Fowler had one of these? I feel like if Rickie Fowler had one he’d use it to play motorcycle polo.

1:22: Graphics. Probably done on a Commodore Vic-20. To quote Ben Wright and Peter Alliss, majestic. No expense spared. The 12-year old who did these was well worth the 50 dollars they gave him. Earned every penny of it.

1:30: Sound effects are off. Don’t use the sound of an iron shot from the fairway for sand shots. You hear that from someone in a greenside bunker, I’d suggest ducking and protecting your “one meat, two veg” if you catch my drift (or at the very least try to help the guy find what hole his ball ended up on). You want that thump sound. Any golfer knows that. And hey, look, it’s old man in a straw hat…come on down! Greg Norman looked good in that. Maybe Jim Thorpe (because I’m afraid to tell him it looks bad). Nobody else does.

The only man who looks good in a hat like this.

1:42: If you can’t trust someone trying to pull off the Bryson Dechambeau look long before he did, I’m not sure what you can trust. You know who looks good in the Hogan/newsboy hat? Hogan. You know who doesn’t? Anyone not named Hogan. Stop trying to make this a thing. Between this and the flat-bill hat thing, can people not wear a regular hat? While we’re on the subject, you know who didn’t wear a hat for years? Arnold Palmer.

Bryson Dechambeau and his Hogan hat. Want to make a personal statement? Win tournaments. As you were.

No hat. No gimmick. Just here to kick ass and take names.

Arnie’s gimmick? It’s called winning and being one bad ass mo-fo. And being cool as hell.

2:00: More shots from a variety of lies, and yet, you don’t see them land. It’s almost like…no, that can’t be true.

2:07: Five bucks says the goober that takes that giant pelt of a divot doesn’t replace it, and then complains if his ball ends up in a divot. Any superintendent sees this must be quietly sobbing in a corner. Bad enough when the pros do it, but when a 20-handicapper takes a hairpiece-sized divot and leaves it (not even filling it)…inexcusable.

2:16: Hey look- old white guy in a straw hat! Gee, I wonder who he voted for in the last election (gonna take a wild guess he’s not a BernieBro). I’m surprised he took the big cigar out of his mouth long enough to use words. Unrelated, you know this guy is a total Judge Smails at his club. While we’re at it, let’s just say that the chances he says “Happy Holidays” are zero. You do you, Tex. Hook ’em Horns.

2:23: Cargo shorts on a guy whose grip is something out of a What Not To Do seminar whose knees are locked…must turn away and not see…must turn away. Next to popped collars, my other men’s fashion choice I’d like to kill with fire is cargo shorts. Most regular shorts come with two back and two front pockets. Other than a survival mission in the Sahara Desert, you can get by without cargo shorts. Put your keys in your golf bag along with any coins (please- the noise is distracting to the other players in your group). An extra ball in one front pocket and some tees, a divot repair tool and a ball marker in the other front pocket. Your phone goes in the bag (on silent/vibrate). Take a photo by all means and then quietly (and quickly) put it back. Hell for me is a world where every guy wears cargo shorts and every woman wears leggings and ugg boots.

2:35: Free top-quality headcover? Take my money! Headcovers on irons and wedges are morally wrong. Don’t. Those neoprene things? Don’t. No serious golfer has them. It’s like having a stroke counter tool. Save your money; that beer you buy at the turn will do your game a world of good more than a stroke counter tool or iron covers. If I see a guy in a cart with neoprene covers on his irons, the following things will be undoubtedly true:

1) He will have a ball retriever in his bag and will be better at retrieving balls than he is at playing (oh, and if you hit one in the drink I promise you he’ll fetch it for you…and five other balls).

2) He will get indignant if you mention “we should pick up the pace a bit”…because he’s got nowhere to go and all day to get there but if he gets close to the group in front of him he’ll complain about how slow they are.

3) He will want to keep score for you even if he doesn’t know you and will ask you what you had. Especially if he doesn’t know you.

4) He will give you a swing lesson that he heard from someone that will make no sense. Probably a scramble tournament.

5) He will have a poker chip that he uses to mark his ball.

2:45: The “act now and you’ll also get…” portion. Discount vouchers! And it comes in a box so the UPS/FedEx/DHL delivery person knows you’re a golf junkie who buys stuff from infomercials. It’ll look good next to the two ball retrievers you have in your bag, and that’s what counts.

So enjoy the trip back in time to the days of standard definition and Infomericals. As I find more, I’ll post recaps because if we can’t laugh about them, then what’s the point?

Turning Scraps into Ground Something

July 22, 2016 / currin290 / 0 Comments

From the shady part of the fairway of the 4th hole at Little Bennett. I like shade.

I can’t say I’m surprised that Tiger Woods isn’t playing in the US PGA Championship. The only thing that is surprising is that he still waits until the last minute to withdraw from majors (when nobody was surprised that he withdrew), as if somehow he’s going to turn up and play. I don’t have any inside knowledge, but I do question if he really wants to play. He seems to care quite a bit about his kids (which is a good thing). It can’t be a money thing; by all accounts Woods has held onto his money. He will go down as the greatest golfer of his generation, and his 2000 season should be considered the high mark (barely edging out 2005) for a season in the modern professional era.

From the fairway on the 9th hole at Little Bennett. It’s a hot heat.

We’re having one of those heat waves; I played yesterday (7/21) at Little Bennett; course was in solid shape (especially fairways). If you live in Western Howard County it’s pretty easy to get to but even from Columbia/Elkridge it’s not that bad. Don’t think I’m playing this weekend (I’m still not close to 100% and I’m still running out of steam at the end of my rounds). If you do play, stay hydrated! My trick- take two water bottles and stick them in the freezer overnight. Take ’em with you, and as they melt you’ll have icy cold water.

Not for anything, but I paid $39.99 (with a 50% off coupon for a replay that same day) to play at Little Bennett yesterday (Thursday), compared to weekday rates at Waverly Woods ($64.00) and Timbers at Troy ($57.00). Which means 36 holes at Little Bennett would have been less than 18 at Waverly Woods and only $3.00 more than 18 at Timbers. A recent visit to Timbers at Troy didn’t reveal it being in particularly great shape, which is disconcerting. I know that our weather this year has been particularly difficult, but why is it that the MoCo courses are in such better shape compared to Timbers at Troy and Hobbits Glen (which is in dire condition)?

I’m no expert but if I were running Hobbits and Fairway Hills I’d worry less about FootGolf and more about why more and more “core” golfers are taking their money to Montgomery and Anne Arundel county courses?

For me, summer wouldn’t be summer without some good books. I used to be all about wanting physical books, but since She Who Is Really in Charge bought me a tablet a few years ago, I’m a convert. I’m looking forward to finishing up Uber Chronicles by Jessie Newburn. I’ll admit to being conflicted about Uber (along with Lyft and other so-called “sharing” economy applications). Jessie Newburn runs our local HoCoBlogs group (of which I’m proud to say I’m part of their community). She’s asking some interesting questions from her perspective and I hope others find her work as engaging as I have.

While we’re on the subject of books, if you haven’t read it, John Feinstein (who is local) has churned out some truly great golf books. His Good Walk Spoiled remains a standard-bearer about life on the Tour. His book Tales From Q School should be required reading for anyone who ever thought they could be on Tour. His book Open chronicles the 2002 US Open at Bethpage, and is half of my annual “re-read” list (the other is Ken Dryden’s classic “The Game” which remains the standard for sports books which I always read prior to the start of the NHL season).

While I’m veering off of the subject of golf, if you live in Howard County (or you work here), a good read is this which is from the HoCo Blogging community. I won’t say I agree with every word, but given the lack of coverage our county gets (the DC and Baltimore local stations seem to take delight in ignoring what goes on here), it’s nice to see someone asking good questions about current issues in the county. His work during April’s school board elections was particularly compelling.

Here’s some happy music. Enjoy and stay cool out there.

Where the PGA and LPGA Tours borrow my brilliance

March 5, 2016 / currin290 / 0 Comments

In January of 2015, I wrote about an idea of having a PGA/LPGA Tour All Star Game. I came up with this idea after a few whiskies and watching the drunken mayhem that was the 2015 NHL All Star Game Fantasy Draft. I often do my best thinking under the influence of whiskey.

Where the good ideas come from. Get in mah bel-lay!

Below is what I wrote (italics mine) in January of 2015:

So armed with that idea, a piece of paper, a pen, and a barely functioning brain, I came up with a plan- the 1st Annual LPGA-PGA Tour All Star Weekend!

We have a trade to announce…see ya Phil.

Each Tour selects their best 12 players. Players that are nominated but decline are deducted FedEx Cup points/CME Globe points. Players that show up get the equivalent of a top 10 finish in a marquee event and guaranteed status for two years (same as winning an event).

Take one of the spring events. For some reason I keep thinking Dallas would be a great “first option”…some time in April (after the Masters in that nine week period between the Masters and the US Open).

Pick two playing captains…don’t overthink it. Mickelson and Woods? Sure! Think high profile. Have fun with it.

Each team picks 12 players (6 men, 6 women). You know…like, oh, I don’t know…the Solheim, Ryder, and Presidents Cups? Have the “draft” on television. I’m dead certain the Golf Channel would show it. Allow a trade? Hell yes! Encourage drinking? Oh hell yes! Have Feherty or someone similar act as emcee. When they go on stage they get their team bag and shirt (you make up bags for each team…the unused ones get raffled off for The First Tee or Donors Choose (have fans vote among a few selected charities). The last player picked gets a car.

Format? Team format, obviously. Day one (Friday)- everyone plays one round of fourballs (teams are one man/one woman). Day two (Saturday)? everyone plays one round of foursomes (alternate shot). Day three (Sunday)? Match play. Have the women play the odd numbered games, the men the even (so women take slots 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, the men 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12). Tied? Putting contest on the 18th green as to who can make the longest putt. I’d chop down the rough. We’re encouraging birdies and eagles here.

Nobody has to play 36 holes in a day. The winning team gets FedEx/CME Globe points. Shit, I’d let ’em ride carts if they want to. I’d even let it be known quietly that a little on-course wagering won’t offend anyone’s tender mercies. Everyone at this event is wearing a mic.

But what of tradition, you say? Please. You’re telling me that a tournament wouldn’t want this in lieu of a pedestrian 72-hole event? People would buy tickets and quite happily (in fact, my guess is that a lot of places would be happy to host something like this).

It’s still golf. Would you like to see, say, Rickie Fowler and Michelle Wie as teammates for a day or some tournament that nobody cares about?

I mention this because on Friday, the PGA and LPGA tours announced they would form a strategic alliance, which is something I’ve been pushing for since they announced golf was returning to the Olympics.

Naturally, the golf press ate this up and began speculating on a possible event. Gee, fellas, I wrote about this and gave you a nice blueprint more than 13 months ago. As for fitting it in the schedule, you could simply schedule in on an off-week for the LPGA and double-up for the PGA Tour (like they do for limited-field WGC events).

And while we’re at it, it’s time for the PGA Tour to jettison their stay in Doral (for a litany of reasons). I didn’t suggest this previously because at the time I had a potential conflict of interest, but that no longer exists. I’d move the WGC event up to Streamsong Resort in Polk County (it’s just over an hour from Orlando). For the Orlando-based players they’d get two weeks being able to stay close to home (I’d make sure that the Streamsong event and the Bay Hill event were played over consecutive weeks). I doubt Golf Channel would object (they’re based in Orlando).

Shifting gears, Northwest Park has all 27 holes open, Falls Road is open, Hampshire Greens was shooting to be open today, and Waverly Woods was hoping to be open tomorrow. Timbers at Troy is open today as well but no news on condition of the course. With things expected to warm up this week, should be a good time to get out there for some early season golf!

The Golf Movie Think Piece I Didn’t Want to Write

February 17, 2016 / currin290 / 0 Comments

If you haven’t heard, this week marked the 20th anniversary since the release of the film Happy Gilmore, and lo and behold but the golf press have gone full slobber mode over it. Both the PGA and European Tours have had players try to mimic the Happy Gilmore swing and a couple less fortunate souls have tried to mimic the “go in your home” line where he’s yelling at the ball. Even the UK’s Golf Monthly magazine, which normally isn’t prone to hyperbole, proclaimed it the best golf movie of all time. With that kind of publicity, I’m surprised that it didn’t win the Oscar for Best Picture (sorry, Braveheart) with all this talk.

Sweatpants and a hockey sweater, and getting beat up by and old man. Hilarious!

It’s not even the best golf movie of the decade. Tin Cup, even when butchered senseless for basic cable, is a far better film (better writing, better script, better acting, and the golf scenes actually look realistic).

This comes from someone who loves hockey and has found most hockey movies to be various piles of hot garbage (if you’re asking, the Jay Baruchel film “Goon” is more than worth your time- the plot is a bit thin, but the hockey scenes are incredibly well done and the scenery shots are outstanding). The Mighty Ducks trio of films are uniformly bad with terrible hockey scenes. To remake Slap Shot is a crime against Humanity. Unfortunately, far too many sports films are written by people that really don’t understand sports, and Happy Gilmore fits that bill perfectly.

I’ll admit, Happy Gilmore has some funny moments and a couple decent cameos from PGA Tour professionals (Lee Trevino being the most well-known) and announcers (Verne Lundquist of CBS the notable name) along with a plug or two for the then-burgeoning Golf Channel cable station.

Having said that, the golf scenes are bad. Terrible. Watching Charles Barkley’s swing bad. Shall we count a few of the ways?

There is no single open-to-all tournament (the Waterbury Open) that a novice golfer could show up, win, and somehow make the PGA Tour. Do you have any idea how many people honestly think that this is how it works? You want to feed these mouth-breathers a copy of John Feinstein’s “A Good Walk Spoiled” or “Tales From Q School” and hope that some of the words get absorbed. If you had him attempt to Monday qualify for a tournament and then win said tournament (where he would gain actual status) then it might be credible.
Seriously, even in the early/mid 1990’s they had the Nike Tour. The number of golfers who won out of the blue? Other than Woods or Mickelson (who won a tournament as an amateur), there’s nobody.
For someone who was allegedly a hockey player, Sandler skated as well as my dog.
The golf scenes are terrible. The end scene where the crane falls onto the green? Did the people that wrote this ever actually see a golf tournament? The scenes themselves…it’s like they couldn’t decide what course they were going to use so they just said “screw continuity”.
Sure…tournaments pay out for all entrants and don’t have cuts. Except all the ones that send over half the field home on Friday night without a dime to show for it (almost all of them).
This film seems to time perfectly with the golf douche-bag types yelling random crap when someone hits a shot, so thanks for creating that monster and it’s inbred, hayseed, double-digit IQ cousins.

Tin Cup, while not perfect, at least has a more plausible plot (journeyman attempts to qualify for the US Open, qualifies, and plays in the tournament- if you haven’t seen it I won’t spoil anything else), better cameos (Craig Stadler, Phil Mickelson and Peter Jacobsen among players, and Jim Nantz and the late Ken Venturi in the booth along with Gary McCord on the course and the late Frank Chirkanian in the studio).

Lest you think I’m some geezer who doesn’t like the kids and their loud music, I’m not that way at all. I love the Waste Management Open’s 16th hole. Great stuff.

Even the regrettable The Legend of Bagger Vance, whose golf scenes aren’t that great and has some serious continuity issues of its own (the last hole starts with plenty of light when they tee off, and somehow is pitch black dark by the time they get to the fairway- an 8some of Kevin Na types would be faster) gets it right better than Happy Gilmore. Matt Damon’s golf swing has been criticized (and rightly so) but it’s borderline passable.

I thought Caddyshack was hilarious, but then again you’re talking about Bill Murray who is one of the funniest people walking this planet. It holds up fairly well…although for my money Ted Knight as Judge Smails was the perfect foil for Murray. I understand that there’s a sequel, but I refuse to acknowledge its existence. Knight and Murray weren’t in it, and Rodney Dangerfield can only do so much.

The gold standard for what a golf movie can be remains Dead Solid Perfect. Excerpted from Dan Jenkins’ novel (a worthwhile read), it gets so much right despite a decidedly mediocre cast (Randy Quaid as the lead); a golf film with drinking, nudity, and it takes you inside the head of a golfer far better than other films. Unfortunately it was a made-for-TV film on HBO so it doesn’t get near the airing that it deserves.

As much as I hate these kind of lists, but seeing this unneeded and inappropriate Happy Gilmore love-fest of late, I had to put together my list of golf movies. As the Brits would say, scores on the doors:

Dead Solid Perfect
Caddyshack
Follow The Sun (Ben Hogan Biopic)
Tin Cup
The Greatest Game Ever Played (read the book first)
Seven Days in Utopia (golf scenes are underrated)
A Gentleman’s Game
The Legend of Bagger Vance
Drinking a can of Drano
Tie between Caddyshack II and Happy Gilmore

Enjoy your golf and think Spring!

The 2016 Predictions You Didn’t Ask For

January 5, 2016 / currin290 / 0 Comments

As we say adieu to 2015 and hello to 2016, I thought I’d whip out my crystal ball and see what my magic crystal ball has in store for golf this coming year.

Only slightly more accurate than most.

PGA Tour: With the season starting on Thursday of this coming week (in Hawaii so get ready for lots of pictures that will make you want to get on the first thing smoking to Hawaii), it’ll be interesting to see who gets off to a hot start and generates much of the early ink. For the life of me, I’ll never understand why someone wouldn’t play in the Kapalua event (no cut, limited field, plenty of FedEx Cup points).

I know that everyone has a hot nut all over Jordan Spieth, but he’s coming off of a 12-month stretch where he was the dominant player in the world. I see him struggling early on and don’t see him repeating at Augusta. The schedule is brutal especially from June onward with three of the four majors being played from mid-June through the end of July.

I’m sure this will look fantastic with a green jacket.

What’s interesting (and worth keeping in mind) that the last PGA Tour event to make the top 60 for the Olympic tournament is the Greenbrier Classic (the cutoff date is July 11th), so players will go into the Open Championship the following week already knowing who is or isn’t qualified for the Olympics (and will also play the PGA Championship after the cutoff date for Olympic qualifying, which means that half the majors this year won’t count towards Olympic qualifying.

I’m also curious as to what the attitudes will be toward the Olympic tournament. It’s a 72-hole stroke play event (same as the week-in, week-out tournaments on the PGA Tour). Remember- this is a course that was built for the Olympics, so it’s really a case of nobody really knowing what to expect.

Predictions: I think we’ll see a dark horse/first timer win at Augusta; my crystal ball thinks one of Jason Day (has played well there), Patrick Reed or Ian Poulter will be the last man standing. It would be great for golf to see Rory McIlroy win the Masters and complete the career grand slam, but I don’t see it happening this year.

Poulter is ready for the PGA Tour’s “Disco Appreciation Day”

At the US Open, thankfully they go back to Oakmont. Hopefully the USGA will manage to not f*** the course up that much (they don’t need to, and they should resist any attempts at trying to gin something up). I don’t know why, but I have a wild hunch that this will be the year Phil Mickelson finally gets over at the US Open. I like Dustin Johnson and Brooks Koepka to contend. I’d scratch anyone who changed brands in the off season; historically that rarely ends well.

At the Open Championship, the last three times that the Open Championship has been held at Royal Troon (this year’s venue), it was all won by first-time Americans who had not won majors previously. Rickie Fowler and Patrick Reed are, for me, the guys this year (your previous winners at Troon were Todd Hamilton, Justin Leonard, and Mark Calcavecchia). The last time a non-American won at Royal Troon. Bobby Locke in 1950.

The PGA Championship is held in late July (two weeks after the Open Championship and the week after the Canadian Open) at Baltusrol in New Jersey. The last time it was held there (2005) Phil Mickelson won. I think this will be the major that Spieth wins this year, which will put him an Open Championship shy of the career grand slam.

Ryder Cup: When last heard from, the Europeans won (again) and the US team spent several months trying to figure out what the hell happened (Europe played better). So this time we go to Hazeltine National in Minnesota. Seriously? This is the best we can do? Is it beyond the PGA of America to play the event on the West Coast or somewhere in the Rockies? Your US captain is Davis Love III, the European captain is Darren Clarke. Barring injuries, I think the Europeans will win yet again.

Locally:

I think at least one fairly well-known public course doesn’t survive 2016 barring a sea change in the economy. It could be in Maryland or Virginia, but I really have a bad feeling (and I hope I’m wrong).

I think at least one private course either goes public or goes to some kind of a public-private relationship where they allow more non-member play. I’d like to see the gong show that is Turf Valley open themselves up to public play during shoulder months or at least release tee times within 72-96 hours to the public.

To that, with private courses struggling to attract new members, they could do worse than start to try to attract new members by selling tee times inside 48-72 hours that would otherwise go empty.

Four Wishes for the local area:

1) With the PGA Tour’s annual stop moving around (it’s at Congressional this year and 2018…2017 is up in the air), I’d like to see the LPGA return to the DMV. I’m not counting their event in Williamsburg; I’m talking something within an our of DC or Baltimore. The LPGA Tour has done so many things right in the last few years that I’d like to see locals get to see what a fantastic tour they have. Ideally, you’d shoehorn an area event before the tour stop in Atlantic City which would be an easy trek for the players to make.

2) I’d like to see public courses step up their game in terms of playing conditions (talking to you, Renditions and Timbers at Troy) and start to enforce pace of play and time par (pointing at you, Waverly Woods). Yes- you might make a few golfers upset, but you’re going to make dozens more happy.

3) On a personal level Howard County needs an additional public course. Ideally you’d look to Western Howard County where you have cheaper land than you would in the Columbia/Elkridge/Ellicott City area. I’d also like to see a MCG-type situation in the county, where you’d bring several courses under one jurisdiction and one umbrella. MCG isn’t perfect but there’s no doubt they’ve improved playing conditions at their courses. Even if you went in with some kind of partnership with Baltimore County, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if it meant better course conditions and improved pace of play.

4) To see Golfdom or some form of competition come into the Maryland suburbs and compete with the Golf Galaxy/Dick’s Sporting Goods duopoly. I remember the old Washington Golf Centers and mourned the demise of Mammoth Golf. It’s not that Golf Galaxy and Dick’s Sporting Goods are bad, it’s that I’d like to see competition and more options.

Two Wishes for me:

1) I know that the schedule makes it hard, but I’d like to see the PGA Tour do a better job of giving the Canadian Open a better spot on the schedule. What they’re doing this year is particularly offensive. The event always does great attendance, and their National Open deserves better.

2) To play more, and improve course reviews. The first one is simple, the second part isn’t. I want to have course reviews that you, as a reader, would find useful. I’m not sure how this will look, but I’m looking at changing how I review courses to make it relevant to ordinary golfers and ask the kind of questions an average golfer might have. I’ve long argued that Golfweek and Golf Magazine’s course reviewers aren’t bad at their job, but 99% of their course reviews are destination tracks, and some of their ratings sound a bit jaded. When it’s your job it’s one thing, but when you’re paying out of pocket to play somewhere, you want to know you’re seeing something worth your dollars. Nobody reimburses me for my green fees and my guess is if you’re reading this you’re in the same boat I am.

My sincerest wishes to all of you for your best year ever in 2016. Hit ’em straight, and make lots of pars and birdies.

Song of the day:

Before they became huge, U2 did one of their first US tours in 1983 to support the War album. They did a concert at Red Rocks Ampitheatre and filmed it. Below is my favourite track of theirs. Hard to believe this is 30+ years old. Still sounds great.

2015 SGIC Plays Santa Awards

December 20, 2015 / currin290 / 0 Comments

Screw it. You’re all bad. Eat a bag of dirt.

Without the drunken debauchery and mayhem that come from a roast, it’s time for your humble scribe to don his santa outfit (who am I kidding- I don’t own one and unless the offer is an all-expense paid trip to Pebble Beach for a week, I’m not putting one on) and hand out some gifts this holiday season.

So this year I’ve invited people to come sit on my lap (and wear depends you assholes) and find out what Santa got you for Christmas (or the winter time festival of lights

First off…it’s Joe Buck from the Fox Sports Golf team. You’ve had a bad year. First off, Harold Reynolds is a moron, you don’t seem to understand geography, your network was a dumpster fire for the World Series and the US Open. During the Franklin Templeton shootout last week you said a player was using a putter off the green. Brad Faxon corrected you saying he was using a 5-wood/hybrid. For someone who plays, you’d think you might know the difference. Or, I don’t know…maybe ask? Dan Hicks of NBC isn’t a hall of famer, but he knows how to go to Roger Maltbie and ask “what’s going on down their Rog?” Try it some time. So to help out Joe Buck, we’re sending you to the Columbia School of Broadcasting! You’re welcome!

New logo for Fox Sports Baseball and Golf Coverage

So for Christmas, since you can’t have nice things, Santa is taking away your USGA rights and putting them up for rebid. You can air the events next year, but with CBS and NBC announcers who know how to get out of the way of fantastic championships and let the golf speak for itself.

Next on Santa’s lap is the USGA. And haven’t you been a naughty group of stuffed shirts this year? Your move to Fox Sports was a train wreck, you can’t understand why bifurcating the rule book would help the vast majority of golfers, and you’re about 10 years behind understanding technology. You are trying to forbid rounds played as a single from counting towards your handicap which is fixing a problem that doesn’t exist. Your signature events that the majority of the public associates with you…were train wrecks. So one train wreck deserves another. So in that vein, Santa got you a Sandra Lee Kwanzaa Cake. That you’re going to eat while I watch.

Look at it. LOOK AT IT! Don’t avert your eyes! Now eat the damn cake! Like we had to look at greens that were described as cauliflower on a course that hopefully will never see another major championship in its lifetime. Now eat that concoction. EAT IT!

To Rattlewood and Compass Pointe golf courses…you were nice to Santa this year. You were pleasant surprises when Santa needed them. So you’ll get good weather in 2016 so you can keep doing what you’re doing. And Rattlewood, with your clubhouse decor straight out of Caddyshack…I like your style.

To Waverly Woods…you’re getting a watch so you can…you know, start enforcing pace of play. Here’s some motivation for you.

May none of you ever get Judge Smails in the group in front of you. If that wasn’t subtle enough…move people along. It’s called a time par. First few groups should be in 3 hours or less, then 3 1/2 hours, then 4 hours. Look into it. Please. Don’t make excuses for slow play. Move people along. You’re better than this.

Timbers at Troy…oh, what’s happened to you? This is your Santa intervention. A few years ago, you had a really solid golf course. Fantastic layout…some solid holes. And you’ve let yourself go. Take a look.

That’s you at the top today, and below is what you used to be. You can do this. So let’s make it happen. I’m pulling for you. Nobody is saying you need to have tour-level conditions, but some basic improvements in conditioning will go a long way. Ask yourself- do you want to become another Cross Creek, or worse- a Gunpowder or a Goose Creek, or do you want to be in that discussion of very good public courses in the area?

The LPGA has had a good year and remains a viable, entertaining and watchable product. They have a good schedule and they’re growing their game fairly well. So Santa is going to get you continued health, playable weather, and hope that the Olympics give your game that boost to the next level.

Donald Trump…where to start. Have a seat. Let’s leave your politics out of it for a moment. You’re not exactly making friends so far, but what’s odd is how many people say that, on the golf course, you’re a swell guy, and I can see this. You’re pretty good, and it’s been said you get around pretty quickly. But with that being said, you can’t be completely tone deaf either, so let’s take it down a notch. There’s no question you’ve acquired some name-brand golf courses, but this notion you have to put your name on it is frankly silly. So stop it. Turnberry was on the Open rota of courses until the R&A got a bit tired of your act and have decided to pull TRUMP Turnberry off the rota. Sticking your name on something doesn’t make it better. Improving pace of play for amateurs while having a course that will challenge modern professionals should be enough of a challenge.

As to your politics…they’re just that- yours. However, I will point out something Michael Jordan said- “Republicans buy sneakers too.” and yes- Democrats play golf.

So stop attaching your name on courses you buy. New builds? Go as tacky as you want. And stop eating thin crust pizza with a fork and a knife. You’re a New Yorker for the love of birdies. Fold the damn thing and insert into your maw. Pay attention and take notes. Note at the end how he folds and inserts into his maw.

So for Christmas, you’re playing golf at a public course. With a bunch of regular guys. You’ll change your shoes in the parking lot, pay a green fee in cash, and have to deal with the starter like we do. And get off of push carts. Seriously. They’re tacky? You wear a baseball cap with a suit. Just saying. You’re going to have to use one, because I’m being spiteful.

Don…seriously. You’re not helping yourself. People in the golf industry can’t stand you. You’re embarrassing us. People I play with think you’re an imbecile. Okay, so maybe this whole thing is some kind of long con, or a goof. But when the goof is over you have to go back and do whatever it is you do. Good luck with that.

TopGolf Arlington…while my two visits to Top Golf didn’t blow me away, it’s a point of entry for people, and certainly folks seem to have fun. So Santa is giving you a lease extension so more people can go and enjoy their facility. Again- it’s not my brand of scotch but it doesn’t have to be. People enjoy it and they have fun. To close it down because of some nimby types is ridiculous. I live near a concert venue. Occasionally I hear the concerts during the summer. I deal with it.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: Santa is giving you a whole new group of selectors, because your 2016 class is, frankly, laughably bad. Steve Miller? Chicago? Deep Purple? It’s the triple-pleated dockers of inductees. I get that Morrissey is a prick beyond words, but The Smiths have held up incredibly well, and their music has its own sound (it’s the Rickenbacker guitar). You have teenagers wearing Smiths t-shirts today, like I did 30 years ago. While you’re at it, time to induct a few punk bands (I have a list).

And since it is the holiday season, here’s my oddball discovery.

I found the Cocteau Twins in the late 1980’s, and I’ve liked their music on and off. It wasn’t until a couple years ago, back when I had a Sirius XM unit in my car that I came upon this gem. I didn’t really know that they had done this (originally released in 1993) so I finally found it on YouTube. It’s exactly what it says it is- the Cocteau Twins singing a Christmas classic.

Enjoy your holidays.

Compass Pointe Course Review (the other one) North/East

October 26, 2015 / currin290 / 0 Comments

Since I had fun last week at Compass Pointe, I figured I’d take advantage of it still being golf weather and head back to the scene of last week’s round, but rather than play the South/West routing, I opted to play the North/East routing.

Overall, conditions on the North/East routing were similar to what I encountered at the other routing; fairways and greens were in good shape, tee boxes were okay, rough was a bit of a mixed bag, and the bunkers were, on several holes, in need of a good raking.

Having said that, it’s late October and we’ve had our first frost, so part of me thinks that this is a bit of a “you get what you get” deal.

After a cart ride over the highway (the other 3 nines are on the same side of the highway as the pro shop, range, practice green, etc.) you’ll find yourself at the first hole. Like the other routing, the North/East routing starts with a difficult par 5 (picture below) that requires 3 good shots to get to the green. Anything left or right is dead, although the right side of the fairway does give you a better angle of approach. A shot on the left (like I had) brings a water hazard into play for your second shot; I was very happy to have cleared it, leaving myself just over 100 yards to the green for my third shot.

1st hole Compass Pointe North

The third hole (picture below) is fascinating, in that you have a double fairway. It’s just over 400 yards from the blues and just under 375 from the white tees so while it’s not a beast, it’ll make you think. The obvious shot is to the fairway on the right (see the 150 yard pole), but the left side, after seeing both sides, does give you a better angle at the green. Plenty of bunkering to make you think. A wayward second meant I had to scramble to save bogey.

Compass Pointe 3rd hole (North). What a beauty.

The 8th hole (a beast of a par 5 at 595 from the blues and 585 from the white tees) is the #1 handicap hole…it’ll test you every step of the way. A tee shot over a ravine to a second shot over a second waste area to a third shot to a small and well protected green. Like the first hole, it requires 3 very tough shots to get home.

Compass Pointe 8th hole (North). Just getting here laying 2 required two very good shots).

As you can see from the photo above, the green on #8 is well protected; the only decent place to miss would be short; I missed left and had a brutally tough pitch shot just to get on in 4. Missing right isn’t much better; you’re still looking at a tough pitch/chip.

The 9th hole (sorry no photo) is a par 4 that looks short on the card but plays uphill; there’s a giant ass tree on the left that looks innocuous but my second shot ended up near it so I can attest to its relevance.

After a cart ride back over the bridge, I ended up on the East nine. The first hole on the east looks easy; just over 320 yards from the blue tee and just under 290 for the white tee. The fairway looks generous…but if you get the slightest bit wild, you’re dead.

The 12th hole (picture below) is flat par 3 that requires a carry over water to a slightly sloped green. One thing I noticed on the East nine…several of the fairways looked to have Bermuda (or something like it) grass, and all of the tee boxes seemed to have this as well. If so, this would explain why it was starting to go brown (Bermuda does this in cold temperatures).

Compass Pointe 12th hole (3rd hole East). Try no to think about the water short, right, and long.

After another brutally long and difficult par 5 (do these guys know how to make a simple par 5?), the 14th hole (below) goes all out on pinpoint accuracy.

Compass Point 14th hole (5 East).

If you can play a slight fade off the tee it opens up the green a lot better. From the photo above, hopefully you can see how the green is elevated ever so slightly (short and straight isn’t a bad miss, but the chip shot isn’t a gimme). It plays about 1/2 club longer for your second shot. One complaint- if the fencing on the right isn’t clear, the hole is cart path only with very few places to enter the fairway. Add a few…please?

The 15th hole (pictured below) is a long par 3 (192 from the blue tees, 167 from the whites) that requires accuracy; if the photo isn’t clear enough, anything right of the green slopes downward and to the right and leaves you a near-impossible chip shot.

Compass Pointe 15th hole (6th hole East). Do NOT miss right.

I found the bunker on the left; I got out of the bunker but ended up just off the green, where I managed to chip to 6 inches to save bogey. The cart path goes through some trees and spits you out left of the bunker.

The last two holes at Compass Pointe do what any closing holes should do; challenge, reward, and give you something to remember.

The 17th is a long par 5 with trees on the right and water left. I stayed dry (barely) and left myself a 12 footer for birdie, which I of course missed because…well, that’s how I roll. From the photo below, my ball is above the green (not recommended).

From the green at 17 at Compass Pointe North/East (8th hole East).

The last hole is a short par 4 that is a fantastic risk/reward. At only 329 from the blue tee and 301 from the white tee, you think birdie opportunity, but it’s a severe dog-leg left. The photo below doesn’t really show it, but it is a big dog-leg.

Compass Pointe 18th tee (9th hole East). You right to left golfers…have at it.

Bomb it like I did, and you encounter two bunkers and rough that do a decent job of taking driving the green out of play. However, I did manage to stay out of the bunkers, hit a 50-yard pitch shot to 10 feet and make a tough putt to finish with a birdie.

From the green at 18 (9th hole East).

Like my visit last week, I had fun. The layout has some punishing holes, but it has some holes that give an average golfer a chance at making pars and birdies, and really- isn’t that why we’re out here?

Shameless plug for my favourite brand of balls (Titleist) and the team I love above all.

I’m not sure how many more rounds I’ll get in this year, but if there’s a weekend morning with golf-able weather and I’m functioning, then I’ll try to get out there, hoping for a bit of magic, and a bit of joy. I hope you find yours.

Compass Pointe Course Review

October 18, 2015 / currin290 / 0 Comments

As we sit in the middle of October, all of us facing that inevitable last round of the year, sometimes it’s a good idea to go through that mental Rolodex (note to you young kids- before smart phones, people had Rolodexes on their desks at work, where you’d keep contacts and business cards) and dig a bit deeper.

It was in that vein that I happened to play an October round at Compass Pointe which is in Pasadena, just north of Annapolis. It had been several years since I played at Compass Pointe (mostly I remember playing a few company golf tournaments of the scramble variety along with a couple 2-man best ball events). I had heard that conditions had gone downhill over the last few years, but I was curious to find out what had become of one of the few 36-hole courses in the area.

On a frigid morning where toques and jackets were the norm, I set out in search of a good time, and for the most part, I was pleasantly surprised.

The people that worked there that I ran into were uniformly polite, courteous, and helpful. The guys in the pro shop were friendly, as was the starter (a youngish guy). Having two courses to marshal folks out to can’t be easy but we didn’t have any issues. On the day I was there, the range was using their green grass tees and not mats (I’ve seen both- if this is important to you I’d call ahead and ask).

Myself and one of the people foolish enough to play with me (a colleague who is the proverbial “good egg”) went second off behind another twosome. We played the South/West routing (the other course is the North/East although I suppose you could switch up) and much like Little Bennett, Compass Pointe wastes no time in punching you in the mouth with a brutally tough par 5 (honestly all of the par 5’s are tough here) that is 546 yards from the white tees. The second hole is a short par 3 to a narrow kidney-shaped green with a lot of undulation; looks easy on the card but it’s not.

The 5th hole (below) is in that vein; on the card it’s a short par 4 but in reality you have to be precise off the tee and then into a well-protected green.

Compass Pointe 5th hole on a cold but clear fall morning. I love this game.

The front side ends with two fairly mundane par 4’s that require two good shots; the 9th is shorter even though it plays longer to a well-protected green.

Compass Pointe 9th hole (South). Aim for the fairway.

The West routing is, if you’re asking, a bit goofy. If you were playing in a scramble or a shamble, there are some holes that seem tailor-made for this format. The 1st (10th) hole gets this going, with a short par 4 that has a huge water hazard right that is a severe dog leg right. At 330 from the blue tees and 299 from the whites, the big hitters might give it a rip, while the shorter hitters might opt for a fairly generous fairway but leave a longer approach.

If 10 is goofy, then 12 (3 South) needs a clown’s mouth. I’m all for unique and challenging holes, but this one has “we will destroy your pace of play and you will like it” written all over it. Your tee shot needs to be right to left or you’re laying up to about 180-200 yards out for your third shot, and that’s before you have to clear a ravine/waste area. My biggest complaint is that good shots are punished (I hit a great tee shot but it ran out into a waste area; I was lucky to card a 7). Again- in a scramble this hole could easily be birdied but the ravine must have several thousand golf balls in it.

The 14th hole (5 south) is another “what were they thinking” where you have to worry about your tee shot going into a hazard if you’re too long (which is fine, except you’re leaving yourself 150-200 yard second shots to an uphill and heavily protected green- not exactly where amateurs will shine). 15 (6 South) is a good “risk/reward” hole that doesn’t punish you.

15th hole at Compass Pointe (6 South). Grip and rip but don’t go right.

16 (7 South) is another punishing par 5 that, like 12 (3 South) requires a carry through a tree-protected ravine, but isn’t as penal. If you can shape your second shot to the left it’ll play easier, but it’s by no means a requirement. The tee shot is downhill but all but the biggest of bombers can have at it off the tee. The 17th hole is a short par 4 at only 280 from the whites and only 327 from the blues (reachable off the tee for the bombers) to a well-protected green. 18 is a short par 4 (375 from the blues) that plays shorter with the prevailing wind (and the wind kicked up something fierce (and cold) when we got to the tee) with a dogleg right.

16th hole (7 South) at Compass Pointe. From the fairway.

While the roughs and the bunkers were, if we’re being honest, a mixed bag in terms of conditions (some holes had thick lush rough, other holes (like 7 South above) had spotty dead spots). However, the fairways, other than a few dead spots, were in pretty good shape (the fairway turf was a bit furry, but well-maintained). The greens were dewy (very dewy) but once the dew burned off, they rolled pretty well. Again- not exactly a 12 on the stimp meter but they were quick enough.

While the South and West nines are built amid a housing development, you don’t really see any homes except for a couple holes. The course shouldn’t be walked- too far between holes; our gas cart was decent enough if lacking a bit in pickup.

The course has a small but serviceable snack bar (we stopped at the turn for a quick snack- the lady working was friendly and helpful), and the pro shop was stocked with the kind of items you’d reasonably expect to find in a pro shop. I’ve seen bigger pro shops but they had the basics and the two guys working were certainly polite enough.

I wouldn’t put Compass Pointe on a “play before you die” list, but for $54.00 on a weekend morning, staffed by polite and friendly folks with decent playing conditions, you could certainly do a hell of a lot worse in this area. I’d probably want to play the North/East routing next time out. After putting out on our last hole as we drove back to head out, I asked my playing partner “would you come back here?” and he said yes.

And that, I suppose, is what counts. We had a good time, had a few laughs, and got around in well under 4 hours. Maybe you’ll play Compass Pointe and maybe you won’t. But you could do a hell of a lot worse.

I’ve been watching sports for a long time and have seen some crazy endings to games, but the end of the 2015 National Rugby League (NRL- Australian Rugby League) might have been the craziest thing I’ve seen. The last minute of the game and what ensued was everything sports should be- exciting, breathtaking, heroic, tragic, and more. Well worth watching.

Waverly Woods Course Review

September 20, 2015 / currin290 / 0 Comments

I’ve lived in Howard County for well over a decade, and whenever possible, I want to promote and help golf courses in Howard County. It’s frustrating that I can count on one hand the number of public courses in the county, but I want them to be successful and I want them to be part of growing the game. Seeing the options grow would make my weekend mornings improve by not forcing me into driving 40-60 minutes out of the county to tee it up.

With that being said, golf in this county is, to put it politely, terrible. I don’t write this with glee and I don’t take any pleasure pointing out the state of affairs here. We have three public courses and several limited access or private tracks. For a growing county with our affluence, this is ridiculous.

But it was with hope and optimism that I set out to Waverly Woods in hopes of seeing my home county show that it can hang with the big boys. Waverly Woods is the sister course of Blue Mash (located in Montgomery County). I came away realizing that I’ll have to continue trekking into Montgomery County for my golfing fix because the people that run Waverly Woods can’t see the forest from the trees. Letting your so-called members run amok while doing everything possible to scare off non-members is a recipe for disaster.

I wanted to have a great experience. I wanted to tell people that no, it’s a great course. With that being said, it’s a good layout with a wide variety of holes, and a lot of elevation changes. It will challenge your game for sure. They have a range with grass tees, a practice putting green and a chipping green to get you warmed up before your round. I checked in at the pro shop and paid my green fee (paid $79 to ride on a weekend morning); didn’t exactly get a friendly welcome (I’ll point out that the Montgomery County courses all have friendly folks who are at least hospitable). Didn’t get warm fuzzies from the starter about how they needed my cart so I’d have to pair up with someone. Is being friendly that difficult?

I was paired up with a threesome (a family of really nice folks whose company was, if nothing else, enjoyable- they were fine folks and I enjoyed meeting them) and being the second group out, I was optimistic of a fairly good-paced round. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen.

Practice Green. Great chance to chip, putt and hit sand shots.

The trouble started at seeing the foursome in front of us with three walkers. Slow walkers. VERY slow walkers. On a course that, frankly, isn’t really walkable due to the topography and some long hikes between holes. To put three walkers out first…there’s a word for this. If that wasn’t bad enough, we had fog for most of the front nine. And by fog, I mean “holy crap am I back in San Francisco?” next to no visibility fog.

2nd hole at Waverly Woods. I think. It’s out there somewhere.

As the lead group, you’re setting the pace. In this case, they played 18 holes in four hours and 45 minutes. With NOTHING in front of them. If you were in the 7:00 a.m. group and you’re reading this, YOU NEED TO PLAY FASTER. OR LET OTHER GROUPS THROUGH. OR PLAY LATER IN THE DAY. A four-ball should get around in well under 4 hours, especially if you’re members and know the course.

Of the holes on the front side, #2 is probably the toughest. A big dog-leg par 5 to a well-protected green; it’s a three shot hole. Period. The 8th hole is the #1 handicap hole; it requires three good shots to a well-protected green. The fairway is open off the tee but the hole tightens up. It’s a great hole. The 9th hole is a long-ass par 4 that plays into the prevailing wind (no chance of that).

Waverly Woods 9th hole. Starting to be able to see a bit.

After the 9th hole we were hoping to be able to bypass the slow-pokes in front of us, but no chance of that. And that’s when things went from bad to worse. One of the guys in our group was also a member, and complained to the marshal (a useless nitwit who served zero purpose) and someone that was working in the pro shop. To hear someone say that 2 1/2 hours as the first group out is an acceptable time for 9 holes doesn’t understand pace of play (he blamed the fog, but there was no fog on the back nine and it still took these rubes 2 hours and 15 minutes to get around). If you’re adding that up, that comes out to 4 hours and 45 minutes for the first group of the day. Read that sentence again and then wonder if slow play is a problem.

For a course to allow members to play a four-ball in just under 5 hours as the first group of the day is letting the inmates run the asylum. If the marshal isn’t willing to tell them “guys you’re playing way too slow- you need to pick up the pace” then the marshal serves no purpose.

11th hole at Waverly Woods. Waiting on the group in front of us.

The back nine starts out seemingly easy with a short par 4 to an open fairway (naturally I hit my one big power fade and ended up in the trees) before moving to a tight par 5 to an elevated green. Got up and down from a crappy lie (they had aerated around the greens so I was dealing with mud pellets most of the day) to save par, which was nice.

The first par 3 on the back side is a toughie; you have to clear a ravine to a well-protected green; I was happy to 2 putt for a bogey here (you’ll see our slow-pokes on the green in the photo below…a recurring theme).

13th hole at Waverly Woods. There’s a green out there. I swear.

The sun came out after this hole and then it warmed up. The 15th hole was the last par 3; a seemingly easy hole that had all kinds of hazards waiting.

15th hole. Group in front of us taking forever. Guys, WHILE WE’RE YOUNG!

The last 3 holes might well be some of the most interesting. 16 and 17 share a super-wide fairway, while 16 has pine trees that wouldn’t look out of place in the sand hills of North Carolina.

16 hole. If you miss the fairway to the right…take up tennis.

A fortunate birdie on 17 by your humble scribe led us to 18, which is a fantastic finishing hole. A good second shot made up for a poor tee shot, and I was able to close with a par.

18th hole. That took way too long.

It’s a shame, really, that this is what has become of Waverly Woods, because it’s a fantastic layout. Conditions weren’t the greatest but I’d put that down to the greens having been punched and the weather hasn’t really been that cooperative. One thing- for some reason people here don’t seem to care about replacing divots or ballmarks (including their precious members). I’d also point out that whoever is cutting their holes on the greens isn’t that good at it (judging by the mess that their earlier efforts looked like). With all that being said, a less-than friendly atmosphere and borderline negligence at willingness to enforce pace of play doesn’t exactly equate to me rushing to come back.

I wish Waverly Woods the best of luck, because eventually, they’ll need it.

Slow Play Self-Inflicted Wounds

September 14, 2015 / currin290 / 0 Comments

There’s really nothing quite like that first day that feels like fall. Today is that day, and in a word, it is awesome.

Having said that, pumpkin is disgusting. There. I said it. Oooh…hot take here I come!

Played at Redgate this morning at sunup- with She Who Is Really In Charge (SWIRIC) enjoying a vacation (I have some heavy work commitments this week and felt bad that we haven’t been able to have a summer vacation so she’s enjoying September at the shore if you’re interested) I played today (the rain and thunder took care of any thoughts I had of sneaking off for an afternoon round yesterday) in cool, brisk and breezy conditions.

Unfortunately, Redgate has looked better, I’m afraid to say. Fairways and roughs have seen better days; I’m hoping that this is down to the dry spell we’ve been under and not a sign of what Billy Casper Management is going to do to the course (huge parts of fairways were dead/dormant/brown). I can remember playing it a few years ago thinking that they had some of the best greens in the area. I can’t say that right now- they’re slow (again, I want to put that down to aeration that is still clearly visible along with yesterday’s heavy rain) and while most were fairly smooth, a few of them were more than a bit bumpy. Not sure why, but for their sake I hope they get better (better conditions benefit all of us).

I hit the ball pretty well but my short game was sub-par; carded a pedestrian 82 that could have been worse but should have been better.

What I can’t understand is why courses insist on putting groups out on the back nine. I understand the whole “time for nine” thing, and that’s great. But if you’re going to do that first thing in the morning on a weekend, you have to stop pretending that you give two scoots about pace of play, because clearly you don’t. I got a lecture from the starter about pace of play (concern that they’d need by cart back) before I teed off (how can I say “if every golfer played as fast as I do you’d have 4 hour weekend rounds”). I finished my round in just under 2 hours (okay so I skipped the 11th hole to jump past the foursome that they put out on the 10th hole as I was coming up on the 9th hole).

What’s my trick? ONE practice swing, if that. If I’m playing with someone else I get my yardage and pull a club while they hit, so that when it’s my turn…go time. I don’t spend more than a minute looking for a lost ball (tournaments are different, but a casual round…60 seconds and if I can’t find one drop (stroke and distance)), and on the green, I use continuous putting (putt until you’re in) unless I’m in a match play situation. If I’m between sets of tees I use the forward set. If I’m around the green I make sure to grab 1-2 wedges unless I know for a fact I’m on the putting surface. I’ll repair my divot while my playing partner(s) are putting.

Redgate 18th green from earlier today.

Not to pick on these four guys, but it was like seeing a “what not to do” video with respect to pace of play. They were all lying three with 150 yards out and all four are using a distance measuring device…naturally I found out they were playing from the tips (so on a par 4 that is 412 from the tips, it took them three shots to go roughly 260-270 yards…yup, I’m sure that playing from the tips makes perfect sense).

So either you take my path of passing them, or you get stuck behind the four slowpokes who grind the entire day to a halt. Redgate actually has a solid system of yardage by handicap index (even though my current index is below 10.0 I prefer to play from the “regular” gold tees because I prefer to hit short and mid-irons to the green)…if these four chaps have sub-ten indices find them and play money matches against them.

Again- do you enjoy making pars and birdies or do you enjoy posting ridiculous scores so you can say “but I played it from the tips” to your friends?

I’m sure the influx of folks playing early is due to today being the start of the NFL season as I’m sure a lot of guys wanted to get a round in before watching 12 hours of football (Washington has a 1pm game, Baltimore has a 4:25 game so that’s 7+ hours right there not counting the pregame shows that started at some obscene hour). Me? I really couldn’t care. I know I’m supposed to love the NFL because…hurr durr football?! but I find the games take far too long with very little action, and I’d rather play nothing but six-hour rounds than care about fantasy football (if you love the NFL and fantasy football then by all means enjoy yourself). My preferred brand of football is rugby league (where an 80-minute came can be completed in less than 2 hours of actual time, and the ball is actually in play for roughly 60 of the 80 minutes)…the NRL specifically (Fox Sports 2 airs 1-2 games a week that I can PVR and watch later). My other sporting obsession is the Toronto Maple Leafs (again- a 60 minute NHL game can be played in 2 1/2 hours) who have struggled a bit over the last 40-something years.

Since NHL training camps open soon, I have another season of sadness and despair to look forward to. Luckily Leafs blogger Bloge Salming put this awesome video together about their goaltending situation, with a parody of a Miley Cyrus song to boot. You’re welcome.

Tag: msga (page 2 of 4)

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